Homosexuality: Your Questions Answered

General Questions

How is homosexuality being normalized in American culture?

Even a casual observer would agree that homosexuality has made major strides toward being normalized in our culture today. The evidence is all around us in entertainment, news media, education, politics, and even the business world. Misrepresentation of scientific research on homosexuality is prominent and widely accepted as fact.

The emphasis is the same in each of these areas: Tolerance and compassion demand that we accept homosexuality as the moral equivalent of heterosexuality. Terms like “bigot” and “homophobic” are thrown around loosely and usually incorrectly. Slogans and pithy sayings take the place of reasoned discourse.

It is not enough to disagree with those who believe the Bible’s teachings that homosexuality is sin. They must be given labels such as bigot or hater. One of the more recent tactics is to label Bible-believing Christians as being guilty of spiritual violence. Regardless of how compassionately or lovingly homosexuality is denounced, the culture calls this an incitement of hatred against gays.

We should be aware, however, that these conditions did not come about by chance. In the 1980’s gay activists discussed strategies for impacting the culture. Two activists published a book entitled After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear & Hatred of Gays in the 90’s in an attempt to normalize the homosexual lifestyle. Among the various strategies suggested were:

  • Talk about gays and gayness as loudly and as often as possible.
  • Portray gays as victims, not as aggressive challengers.
  • Give protectors a just cause.
  • Make gays look good.
  • Make the victimizers look bad.
  • Get into the major media.
  • Solicit funds: The buck stops here.

These strategies are progressively taking root, but we must be courageous to stand in truth and compassion on this issue.

At the same time, we should be willing to acknowledge that the conservative church is not blameless. We have failed to uphold God’s standard for the home and sexuality in general and we have not been as diligent as we could have been in building the foundations that would help prevent homosexuality.

Finally, too often when those who struggle with homosexuality have reached out for help, the church hasn’t known how to respond as it should. Our churches must become lighthouses for those who struggle with sexual brokenness. They must be “safe” for the strugglers and for the friends and families of those who struggle. Only then will we be in a position to reverse the trend toward normalization of that which Scripture clearly calls sin.

Bob Stith is the pastor of Carroll Baptist Church in Southlake, Texas. He has a bachelor’s degree from Samford University and an M.Div. from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. Bob has been involved in Exodus International for over 10 years. He has spoken at many churches and Exodus related events. He has also written several articles on the subject of homosexuality and the church. Bob is chairman of the board for Living Hope Ministries, an Exodus-affiliated ministry in Dallas-Fort Worth. Bob and his wife, Del, live in Southlake, Texas.

If a person engages in a homosexual act does this mean he/she is a homosexual?

No, if a person engages in a homosexual act this does not mean he or she is a homosexual. On this basis, a clear distinction must be made between referencing someone as a homosexual versus homosexual behavior.

First and foremost, a homosexual person simply does not exist. Homosexuality should be considered as an adjective—a behavior—and not as a noun or label defining a person. Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, one of the foremost experts on the causes of homosexuality as a sexual disorder and founder of NARTH, National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality, states, “There is no such thing as a homosexual person. We are all heterosexuals. Homosexuality is a description of a condition. It is not a description of the intrinsic nature of the person” (NARTH’s Statement of Policy). Given his statement, then, men and women who consider themselves homosexual are really intrinsically heterosexual but they have a sexual identity problem and, as a result, might engage in homosexual behavior.

Another important point to mention concerns children and teenagers. Some young people question whether they might be gay because they are attracted to the personality or charisma of a same-gender peer. Occasionally, a person may act upon this curiosity through homosexual activity, but this does not mean that he or she is homosexual.

A major study by the University of Minnesota Hospital and Clinics on homosexual and heterosexual attractions, orientation, identification, and behavior among adolescents revealed data concerning young people and sexual identity. The study revealed that many young people may be confused about their sexuality in their early teens, but among this uncertain group, the vast majority will turn out to be heterosexual1. At age twelve, 25.9% of the children were “unsure” of their sexual orientation. However, this figure declined to 5% by age 172. For many people, uncertainty about sexual identity and feelings is a normal part of growing up. This uncertainty, though, does not mean a young person is struggling with a deeper-rooted sexual identity disorder.

Being drawn emotionally, romantically, and erotically to someone of the same gender is complex indeed. There are many factors that can contribute to homosexual feelings and desires. One’s family dynamics play a role, as do childhood peer relationships, and sexual abuse.

For expert research, articles, and resources into the causes, prevention, and treatment of homosexuality consult NARTH. Their website address is http://www.narth.com . Their telephone number is 818/789-4440 and their mailing address is 16633 Ventura Boulevard, Suite 1340, Encino, California, 91436-1801. Exodus International, North America, also has available numerous articles, testimonials, and resources. Exodus is on the web at http://www.exodus.to , or contact them by telephone at 888/264-0877, or mail at P.O. Box 540119, Orlando, Florida, 32854.

1 “Demography of Sexual Orientation in Adolescents,” Pediatrics, the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics (Vol. 89, April 1992. Abstract available online). The authors, Gary Remafedi, MD, MPH; Michel Resnick, PhD; Robert Blum, MD, PhD; and Linda Harris based their study on five questions on sexuality included among 189 questions in the Minnesota Adolescent Health Survey, a study involving 34,706 students in Minnesota secondary schools carefully selected as to demographic criteria.

2 Ibid.

Melissa Fryrear, M.Div, is the Gender Issues Analyst in the Legislative and Cultural Affairs Department at Focus on the Family. She is a graduate of the University of Kentucky and holds


1 On Jun 14, 2006, at 2:53am, Lawrence Lewis wrote:

I call myself a child of God, redeemed by grace and mercy. Though I disagree with much of what was presented, I was interested to read it. Interested as a member of the “gay movement”, I frequently hear people outright dismiss the church and I must reject that because there is a need for a spiritual and moral foundation in the lives of every human being. That foudnation for me was a relationship with Christ. I can’t argue the semantics of sin because I am not a theologian, but I do know that I serve a loving God.
The reason I am sending this comment is to say that as we as a faith community struggle to reconcile ourselves to Christ, I appreciate what I viewed to be a conservative, yet compassionate stance to the issue of sexual orientation. I doubt we will ever come to see eye to eye on all sexualities being a gift from God

Peace & Blessings

2 On Jul 21, 2006, at 3:21pm, Dan Valdes wrote:

There are still many misleading and outright errors in this essay, especially regarding the adoption of children by gay parents.  I have sent supporting documentation to the SBC by the APA which catagorically refutes the notion that gay parents are in any way less fit to raise children than heterosexuals.  I am quite alarmed that this data is still being presented on your website as truth when the reality is that nothing could be further from the truth.  It’s the obligation of the church to spread truth, regardless of a political agenda.  I urge you to look at the real science on this issue and put bias aside.

3 On Dec 8, 2006, at 1:04am, Michael Donovan wrote:

I was raised a Southern Baptist and very much enjoyed being a part of the denomination - until I went to college - at which time it became clear that you cannot be an intellectual and a Southern Baptist.  Your article on homosexuality highlights that point beautifully.  The authors don’t seek to explore, debate or discuss, but rather to pummel the reader into accepting one viewpoint.  A viewpoint which is not only wrong, in my opinion, but extremely hurtful and damaging to our society.  Baptists were on the wrong side of the debate about slavery and again shamelessly supported the status quo during the Civil Rights era (...a fact rarely acknowledged by Southern Baptists themselves) and once again Baptists are on the wrong side of the Homosexuality civil rights debate.  History is, indeed, repeating itself.  But my faith in God, and my trust in the laws of our great nation, provide me reassurance that our nation will do the right thing.  No thanks to the Baptists.

4 On Jan 29, 2007, at 7:44pm, Dan Valdes wrote:

It is interesting that none of the material on the website is from affirming ministries, it’s all from the “ex-gay” industry.  That doesn’t exactly give a balanced picture and further it actually builds on the myths surrounding gay people and our lives.

Dan Valdes

5 On Jun 25, 2007, at 4:55pm, David Marinegold wrote:

I am always totally amazed at how people such as the above can hear Biblical truth and reject it in order to continue
living against God’s revealed will and truth.  I found the article to be logical and clear.  Basic biology shows homosexuality to be wrong.  Homosexuals are not a race of people but want to be considered in that manner.  The Apostle John said that the light shines in the darkness but men reject the light and love the darkness.  Homosexuality is darkness.

6 On Jun 25, 2007, at 9:22pm, Dan Valdes wrote:

Dear David Marinegold,

Could you please share with us when you decided to become heterosexual?  What was that process like for you?  Did you have feelings for both genders and just pick one out of the blue?  Do you plan on being heterosexual your entire life or is it just a phase? 

dan valdes

7 On Jun 26, 2007, at 1:05am, David Marinegold wrote:

Dear Dan Valdes,

I don’t understand your point.  Are you being sarcastic?
I know people struggle with various things in their life.
My comments were directed toward those persons who preach
the “Gay Gospel”.  I suggest you read the book by the same name written by Joe Dallas. My main point was to comment on how theologically sound the article was.  I doubt many of us have the qualifications of Dr. Richard Land but I have enough sense to know truth when I read or hear it.

8 On Jun 26, 2007, at 1:41am, David Marinegold wrote:

Dear Dan Valdes,

My prayer is that we all know freedom from sexual sin
through Jesus Christ.  All heterosexuals and homosexuals
need to experience freedom from any bondage that keeps
us from living Godly lives that please God.  I pray that
for myself and the world.

9 On Jun 27, 2007, at 2:26pm, Dan Valdes wrote:

Dear David,

Being gay is not bondage.  It’s a part of who we are.  It’s akin to saying that blue eyed people are in bondage but brown eyed people are right with God.  My questions were to get you to consider your own sexuality and the process by which you began to discover yourself.  Did it feel like a choice?  What feels natural and comes easy to you?  It’s the same for gay people but there are political and religious forces out there that struggle with that notion.  They have a lack of understanding on the issue.  They have a built in bias that limits their ability to comprehend.

10 On Jun 29, 2007, at 10:50pm, David Marinegold wrote:

Dear Dan,

Best of luck and God Bless.

David M
conservative Jew

11 On Dec 14, 2007, at 3:04am, angie wrote:

I can not believe that people who claim to spead truth and light through out the world could present these lies as truth. It is shameful…

12 On Apr 29, 2008, at 8:35am, sam wrote:

angie and dan, are you saying that APA and psychology is superior to the Bible, in terms of the morality on homosexual behavior?

13 On Apr 29, 2008, at 9:07pm, Dan Valdes wrote:

Dear Sam,

I am saying that the SBC on this particular issue and in this particular posting publishes misleading and outright false information and about the suitability of gays and lesbians to be adoptive parents, HIV/AIDS prevention with condoms and other related gay health matters, gay families and our rightful place in society, gay affection and the nature of gay sexuality, and yes, in my opinion spiritual wholeness and gay sexuality.

I am far more concerned with the political activities of the SBC than any anti gay beliefs they may espouse from the pulpit.

The SBC has a decidedly narrow and restrictive political stance on these issues and they tend to toe the line in order to shore up political objectives, even when, in the case of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” doing so potentially ruins gay solders’ careers and limits our military’s resources as translators, in particular, and in general in the whole war in Afghanistan.

14 On May 1, 2008, at 6:17pm, sam wrote:

Well, Dan.
I think it is logical for SBC to be involved with politics, considering the fact after various gay lobbying organizations such as NGLTF, PFLAG, and GLSEN have been involved in politics, by trying to silence the rights of Baptists to speak publicly what they believe, especially in schools.  It’s a free country, and nobody’s freedom of speech should be censored, regardless of anybody’s feelings, but various gay activists always try to discredit those who have different opinions. Speaking of the truth, before “DADT” was initiated, the number of gay people being dismissed from the military was higher.  Also, do you know that today, many people in the military blatantly lie that they are gay, just to get out of the military, because they can’t stand it and because being dismissed as a result of DADT offers you an honorable discharge?It amazes me that most of the people who protest DADT, have never been in the military, and have no idea what it’s like to live there.

15 On May 1, 2008, at 6:23pm, sam wrote:

where did you get the idea that majority of translators in the military are gay?

16 On May 1, 2008, at 11:57pm, Dan Valdes wrote:

Dear Sam,

According to Wikipedia 11,082 people have been discharged from the five military services since 1994.

  I didn’t state that the majority of translators are gay, I simply stated that is the most recent egregious example of well suited personnel having their careers cut short under this discriminatory policy.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to “silence” Baptists but I do want to hold people to account on what is true and to counter false notions about gay people when I see and hear it. 

And to your statement…. “Also, do you know that today, many people in the military blatantly lie that they are gay, just to get out of the military, because they can’t stand it and because being dismissed as a result of DADT offers you an honorable discharge”......

....well that is simply one more reason to repeal an unjust policy of institutional discrimination.  Do you agree?

17 On May 5, 2008, at 7:02am, sam wrote:


I was raised a Baptist and I am in the military, thus I can’t say what I think should be done about DADT.  But if you ask me honestly, whether military should have policies that are discriminatory and make people feel uncomfortable, then my answer is YES! I believe it makes our military stronger.

Here is the article from Stars and Stripes:

As you can see, the number of discharges, went down after DADT was implemented.

18 On May 5, 2008, at 7:20am, sam wrote:


I think you misunderstood what I said earlier: out of those 11082 number that you listed, many people have lied that they were gay when they factually, weren’t.  They just wanted to get out, for whatever reason, and used the policy for their own agenda.  I think that lying and misrepresenting yourself on purpose is always wrong.

19 On May 5, 2008, at 9:06pm, Dan Valdes wrote:

Sam states…“I think that lying and misrepresenting yourself on purpose is always wrong.”

And I would wholeheartedly agree.

That is why when the SBC publishes this commentary…..

“Children raised by homosexual parents face many adverse consequences. ..., the increased likelihood of a wide range of diseases (including AIDS, Hepatitis, gonorrhea, and syphilis) and the decreased life expectancy of the adoptive parents must be considered.”

......A clearly loaded statement and full of factual inaccuracies, I feel compelled to call them on it.

Being raised by gay parents IN NO WAY increases the chance a child will have HIV nor are gay parents necessarily more prone to having HIV or any health issues. 

It’s inflammatory rhetoric plain and simple, designed to further myth and stigma against gay people…by the Baptists no less, of whom I expect better.  At the very least, I expect them to be truthful.

20 On May 7, 2008, at 1:28am, sam wrote:

Hey Dan,

I looked at the OP, and I didn’t find that it said that the children of gay parents are more likely to have HIV.  However, it was said that there are studies shown that homosexuals are more likely to contract HIV than heterosexuals. 

Thus, SBC is saying, it is not good for the kids to be exposed to stuff like that.

21 On May 7, 2008, at 5:28pm, Dan Valdes wrote:

Dear Sam,

you mention..“I looked at the OP, and I didn’t find that it said that the children of gay parents are more likely to have HIV.”...

but taken from the essay….

...the article states..“Children of homosexual parents also show increased sexual promiscuity and are therefore at greater risk for teen pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and AIDS.” ....

.... but in fact there are numerous published, peer reviewed studies that show there is no such risks.

  This is fear mongering plain and simple.  The essay has no footnotes about what studies support their claims.  They instead refer you to Liberty Counsel, a right wing law practice that has no academic sociological credentials.

They state them as facts but are more opinion than actual hard facts.

22 On May 26, 2008, at 2:19am, F. Lane Douse wrote:

I have had a good time in reading all of the commentary and I agree with Dan.  A lot of that stuff written above is just not true.  The bottom line should in my view point is whether if you believe Jesus Christ died for our sins.  If you believe that He is the savior that’s all that matters because He or God is the one that is going to judge us not man.  So, when people spend their time condemning someone who is gay make sure you’re not the one that will be condemned in the end.  What was Jesus last sacrament?  I thought it was to love each other.

23 On Aug 1, 2008, at 2:10am, Zach Redd wrote:

Although everyone has an opinion, clearly, on this website, the only, I repeat, only comment posted that uses Biblical scripture with reference is, in fact, the original author of this article! I am sorry to see that men and women still can’t get past the legalism of our society.  You think it is normal to focus on the sin of homosexuality rather than reaching out to people? Seriously? I am 18 years old, Eighteen years old, and I see the bigger picture than most who have posted on this website!  WE cannot change people, GOD changes people defined through 1 Corinthians 6:17 saying “[We] were washed, sanctified, and justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.” and even 2 Corinthians 5:17 saying that “if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!”

24 On Aug 28, 2008, at 4:23am, Breanna Byrne wrote:

Is not the most important and prevalent teaching of the New Testament that of love?

I find it extremely disturbing that people are so willing to condemn a person for their homosexual orientation. We are taught, as children of God, to love the person but hate the sin..

Furthermore, how can we as Christians expect those who have not asked God into their hearts to follow the same rules that we do? They are still of this world and do not know God, and therefore are not subject to his rules (James 5).. As children of God, it is up to US to bring them into the Kingdom of his Word. Only then can we start to help these people to realise that their lifestyle choice of homosexuality is a sin in God’s eyes.

In Christ’s love

25 On Aug 29, 2008, at 4:39pm, tricia wrote:

I feel that homosexuality does have genetic roots, and who are we to judge others anyway, as Christians we are to love one another as God loved us. The hate and the fear that these people go through on a daily basis is terrible. Perhaps if we as Christians followed the teachings of Jesus more some of this would effect the way we feel about others. Sincerely Tricia

26 On Sep 25, 2008, at 11:18pm, Susan wrote:

As a Christian and mother of a son who is Living a homosexual lifesytle, I would like to make this plea.  Let us not make people choose between Jesus & their sexuality.  My son believes he cannot have both, so he has chosen his sexuality.  If they accept Jesus as their Lord & Savior, HE will make the changes HE wants made in their life, the same as He does for us all.

27 On Sep 29, 2008, at 1:26pm, David wrote:

With all due respect, and with the comments I have witnessed in Christ here, I respectfully submit a request that you take down your web sight.  It is not the way of Jesus our Lord to promote torture of any segment of God’s children, and that is what is happening here with your articles and unloving works.  Much of what is untrue, and spreads lies and fuels hatred towards potential murder and battery of innocent souls. It makes it tougher on our loving Lord when battered souls need fixing. Bless all homosexual as well as hetrosexuals, as they are all part of God’s kingdome. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, I ask you to banish this sight, these texts and all subsequent words from this world.

28 On Dec 1, 2008, at 6:17am, Peter wrote:

Same-sex marriage also will hurt children. Children raised outside of intact marriages where there is a mother and a father are at greater risk for a large number of serious personal and social problems, including increased drug addiction, depression, and sexual promiscuity. Furthermore, children raised in single-sex households experience an increase in infant mortality by about 50%.

Same-sex marriage hurts those in the relationship as well. Homosexuality is a destructive lifestyle both physically and emotionally….

i know you know that’s not true.
time to wake up my friend

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