Pastors, Pulpits, Pews and Potluck
- Jul 17, 2008 - 13
I spoke recently at a wonderful church in New England. The church is part of a denomination that is fragmenting over the issue of homosexuality, and it is smack dab in the middle of one of our country’s most liberal (theologically, politically and culturally) regions.
I shared with the pastor that I often find myself working two sides of the issue. I go into more liberal churches trying to show people that true love and compassion are found within the boundaries of Scripture, and I go into more conservative churches trying to soften people’s hearts to show love and compassion for those dealing with same-sex attractions.
Some days I feel like a gay activist, and some days I feel like a hardened fundamentalist—neither of which I am! But at the end of the day, my efforts on both sides are to help churches become safe places for people struggling with unwanted same-sex attraction and places that might have some impact in reaching the gay community.
No matter the culture of the particular church I am in, I am always asked the question: “How can we be a church that ministers to struggling people and helps bridge the gap between the gay community and the church?” The answer to that question is not a simple one, but it is the same no matter the flavor of the church. As much as I dislike alliterations in sermons, here are four keys:
Pastor
In order for a church to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem, the senior pastor must have a heart for reaching all hurting people, no matter the potential controversy. I have never seen the culture of a church change contrary to the heart of the pastor. This may not be the way it is ”supposed” to be, but it is a reality. A church will not grow beyond the passion and desire of its chief shepherd.
Pulpit
For a church to effectively minister to strugglers and reach gay persons, the topic of homosexuality must be addressed from the pulpit. A pastor may have a wonderful heart for ministry and outreach, but if he never talks about it from the pulpit, his heart and vision will not impact the local church.
I have heard many excuses for not talking about homosexuality from the pulpit, but I have never heard a legitimate one. Yes, it is controversial. Yes, it may offend some people. Yes, it is complicated. But the reality is that even the most conservative church is impacted by homosexuality, and to ignore it publicly is to insinuate that the church does not care.
Sexual brokenness affects the church on many levels. Divorce, adultery, pornography, promiscuity and homosexual behavior are as prevalent within the church as they are in the world. The effectiveness of the local church will continue to be diminished if these hard issues are not discussed from the pulpit.
Pew
By this, I mean the attitude of the church body. I often ask congregations to imagine what an openly homosexual person would encounter on any given Sunday if they wandered through the doors of their church. How would people in their pew respond? Would a very masculine woman or a very effeminate man be greeted warmly, hugged or welcomed? Would they receive smiles and invitations to lunch? Or would they feel awkward and unwelcome? Would people avert their eyes to simply avoid any connection?
Until the church body has a heart for hurting, lonely, broken, lost people in general, the church will never be part of the solution. I know people who lead ministries who are afraid to invite struggling people to attend their own church for fear of how those people will be received. That is heartbreaking. The pews of our churches must reflect the reality of the grace that saved each person sitting there, or people in need of grace will flee.
Potluck
Potluck refers to the community and fellowship of the church body. Is your church a place where people are real and vulnerable and loving and accepting? I don’t imagine anyone will be comfortable sharing their struggle with homosexuality if small-group prayer requests are limited to the health of distant relatives in faraway states. Do people share heart issues within the “community” structure of your church (be it Sunday School, small groups, or whatever)? Or are requests limited to safe issues like health or jobs or “other people”? If the church membership does not feel safe to be real, will new people feel safe to be real?
So…
When people ask me what their church can do, I often sense that they want me to outline a program. But a program will not work if the pastor is ambivalent. A program will not work if real-world issues are not addressed from the pulpit. A program will not work if the pews are filled with hard, judgmental, grace-less people. And a program will not work if community and fellowship are limited to surface issues and covered dish suppers. Programs are worthless if the heart and culture of the church have not changed. We, the church, must be a place of real, vulnerable, gracious, compassionate and merciful life, founded unapologetically on the life-giving, freeing, relevant and perfect Truth of the Word of God.
Where is your church? Pastors, where are you? Church members, where are you? What do you want to be? How do you want to impact the world with the life-changing Gospel of Jesus Christ?
We have the hope that the world is looking for. Will they find it when they come looking?
Mike Goeke is the associate pastor of counseling at Stonegate Fellowship Church in Midland, Texas. He can be reached at mikegoeke@stonegatefellowship.com. Information on the SBC Task Force on Ministry to Homosexuals can be found at www.sbcthewayout.com.
Further Learning
Learn more about: Faith, Ministry, Family, Sexual Purity, Homosexuality
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comments
1 On Jul 18th, 2008, at 5:49pm, eric wrote:
The description of homosexuality as “sexual brokenness” pretty much puts the writer into the category of ‘problem’, as opposed to ‘solution’
Try again when you find a writer willing to view everyone as whole, complete, persons, worthy of respect. It is the writer who is ‘broken’.
2 On Jul 22nd, 2008, at 2:13pm, Dan Valdes wrote:
Sadly this whole essay is based on the premise that gay people need to change or be something that we are not.
Until you can meet us where we are it will be difficult for gay people to believe that “love” you keep professing to feel for us.
I mean, imagine going to that potluck Mr. Goeke describes and being aware that everyone sharing the meal believes that you need to change into something you don’t naturally feel in order for inclusion into their community. It might not feel like “love”
3 On Jul 23rd, 2008, at 1:07pm, Don wrote:
The two previous comments reflect one of the basic problems with our interaction with the homosexual community: their desire for acceptance of their sin—and implication that this is the only way that they will understand love. The Scripture clearly teaches what you proclaim in the more liberal churches, Mike: that true love and compassion are found within the boundaries of Scripture. What is not contained in the boundaries of Scripture is acceptance of anything that God has labeled sin.
4 On Jul 23rd, 2008, at 1:15pm, The Rev'd Father Raymond H. Clark wrote:
Don’t “tolerate” me; don’t pray for me to change; don’t “love the sinner and hate the sin” (how condescending is THAT?).
Either see the Hand and Icon of the Creator in ME, his unique, beautiful, and beloved creation, made in His/Her image, as He/She would HAVE me be ... AND in the smelliest heavy-duty street person asleep on the church steps ...
OR
sell the property, have a big party, and everybody go home.
Christianity is a RADICAL religion. So’s the PRACTICE of it.
Father Raymond
San Diego CA USA
5 On Jul 23rd, 2008, at 2:07pm, Sandra Sanderson wrote:
Yes the comments of #1and2 are what is going on here u see the homosexual sees themselves as doing nothing wrong and not sinning!But the Bible tells us different-we are of course to love the sinner while we all sin but hate the sin.Homosexuality is WRONG! God didn’t mean for man/man or woman/woman to be together.If however they come into our church doors yes they r to be treated with respect and hopefully pray that the spirit of the Lord will touch them and open their eyes if only for a moment to see his glory and let him show them the err of their ways.the church afterall is for sinners!!Welcome them with open arms and pray!Just don’t let them have any leadership…
6 On Jul 29th, 2008, at 7:48am, Dan Valdes wrote:
Dear Ms. Sanderson,
you write..“Welcome them with open arms and pray!Just don’t let them have any leadership…”
The same could be said for women and leadership in the church and in fact, has and continues to be the case in many churches.
I’d rather worship where I am not relegated to such marginal roles within the church. My church allows gays full inclusion and that feels like real love and I think we see God’s glory through full participation in the church.
7 On Jul 29th, 2008, at 7:56am, Jesse Sproat wrote:
Sin is sin. One sin is no greater or less than another.
There are thousands of homosexuals that have changed their lifestyle through God’s Love. It doesn’t matter how much love we as a church body give them or how accepting we are, it only matters if the homosexual accepts God’s Love. Remember it is not a religion, but a relationship with Jesus Christ.
What Mr. Goeke writes can also be used for other problems in a church.
8 On Jul 29th, 2008, at 8:36am, Dan Valdes wrote:
Jesse Sproat writes..“There are thousands of homosexuals that have changed their lifestyle through God’s Love.”
Do you know of ONE personally Mr. Sproat? And by “change” just to be clear, I am speaking of dramatic, complete change in sexual orientation from homosexual to heterosexual, not struggling, not bisexual, not celibate but a true “change” in sexuality.
If there are thousands can you produce hundreds, fifty, twenty-five or even one?
9 On Jul 29th, 2008, at 1:47pm, ERLC Staff wrote:
Not to speak for Jesse, but just to chime in briefly…
RE: Dan’s “If there are thousands can you produce hundreds, fifty, twenty-five or even one?”
Well, there’s now a published study…
Ex-Gays?: A Longitudinal Study of Religiously Mediated Change in Sexual Orientation (IVP, 2007) by Stanton L. Jones and Mark A. Yarhouse
Listen to the radio interview here.
Evidently, the Apostle Paul also new some…
I do find Dan’s caveat of ‘not struggling’ rather amusing. I think we’d be hard pressed to find any human would claim that of any undesired behavior they ventured to correct. (Think recovering addicts of any vice.)
10 On Jul 29th, 2008, at 2:02pm, Jesse Sproat wrote:
In response to Mr. Valdes request for information:
Exodus International is an origanization that has helped homosexuals overcome the sin of same sex relationships since 1976.
They can be contacted at exodus-international.org
or
P.O. Box 540119
Orlando, FL 32854
407-599-6872
And if I remember correctly, the president of Exodus International was interviewed on Faith and Family by Dr. Land.
Mr. Valdes please read Romans 1:24 to 32, especially Romans 1:23.
And thanks to ERLC staff for the link.
11 On Jul 29th, 2008, at 6:51pm, Dan Valdes wrote:
Regarding the Jones and Yarhouse prospective study, designed to reduce the faulty memories of a retrospective study..
“Jones and Yarhouse wanted to limit their study’s participants to those who were in their first year of ex-gay ministry. But when they found that they were having trouble getting enough people to participate (they only found 57 subject who met this criteria), they expanded their study to include 41 subjects who had been involved in ex-gay ministries for between one to three years.” However that lead to problems with a prospective study as they had to then include the “faulty memories” they hoped to avoid.
From the study authors..
“Our study examines a representative sample of the population of those in Exodus seeking sexual orientation change. We cannot be absolutely certain of perfect representativeness, since no scientific evidence exists for describing the parameters of such representativeness.”
So they study seems flawed by their own admission.
12 On Jul 30th, 2008, at 7:40am, Jesse Sproat wrote:
I need to make a correction to my last post, I wanted to emphasis Romans 1:27 not Romans 1:23 for Mr. Valdes.
13 On Jul 30th, 2008, at 7:51am, Dan Valdes wrote:
Romans 1:23
“and, instead of worshipping the imperishable God, they worshipped images resembling perishable man or resembling birds or beasts or reptiles.”
The passage in Romans is seen as man turning away from God and falling into a idol cult worship where sexual activity was part and parcel of that worship. Most people don’t point that out Mr. Sporat, thank you for doing so.
Actually Mr. Sporat I was inquiring how many changed gay to straight people you personally know and have regular interaction with. I know all about Exodus, the sponsor of that study mentioned by the ERLC staff.