Suicide - Recovery

By Jerry Price - Nov 1, 2006 - 1

A Plan of Action toward Recovery

  1. “Set one small goal for tomorrow. Anything will do. Clean the bathroom. Straighten up a closet or drawer that needs it. Write a letter to someone. Wash, wax, and vacuum the car. Have your hair done. Polish the silver. Call a friend who’d like to hear from you. In a word, set up a surefire goal that you know you can absolutely get done. It can be something you’ve done a hundred times before.
  2. Then, tomorrow, do it! Don’t hesitate. Don’t stall. Don’t talk yourself out of doing it. Just do it. And use the K.I.S.S. method—which stands for, KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID. You don’t need to end the cold war or stop hunger in the world or find a new job or a different lover, you just need to wash the car.
  3. Then, when you’ve done what you set out to do, reward yourself. Not tomorrow. Not next week. I mean right now! You may be out of practice with rewarding yourself, but that is exactly what you need to do. It’s nice to have others reward us for our good deeds, but if you haven’t noticed lately, a lot of our friends and family seem to be missing their cues. So, in the short run, you’ll need to do this little job for yourself. It doesn’t hurt a bit. It may feel a little strange at first, but it doesn’t hurt.
  4. Now, for the next day, and the next day, and the day after that, I want you to set more little goals. And more. And then a few more. And, maybe sooner than we know, we’ll have the whole house clean, the newspapers tossed out, the car waxed, the drawers all neat and tidy, that novel read, and that call to Aunt Margaret made.
  5. At the end of each day and no matter how poorly things have gone or how miserable you seem to feel, force yourself to remember that you accomplished at least one thing that you set out to accomplish for the day. Say to yourself that no matter what else didn’t go right, at least I got X done. It will be true. And it should feel good.”

Paul G. Quinnett, Suicide: The Forever Decision (New York: Continuum Publishing Company, 1987), 85-86.

  1. “Be open and honest about it. Much of the stigma suicide survivors experience is self-inflicted. Friends who sense your silence will remain silent themselves, and silence is rarely interpreted positively. You are under no obligation to recite the morbid details for anyone, but you will find release and affirmation from your Christian friends when you can openly and honestly face this family crisis as a believer. Remember, nothing is unspeakable in the family of God.
  2. Do not get stuck in your grief, choosing black clothes and long veils for life. When your mourning begins to subside, when you can see the sun shining again, invest your energy in your future; renovate your life to the glory of God.
  3. Find a support group of understanding people. Many groups have been formed across the country to give aid and assistance to survivors of suicide. Your church or mental health agency can give information about grief recovery groups in your community. No one should go through this kind of trauma alone. You don’t have to.
  4. Find a caring counselor. From time to time your grief will surface issues too complex or emotionally intense to be adequately handled by laypersons. Just as you call your physician when your body is diseased, you should feel perfectly free to call a mental health professional when your mind or emotions are diseased, as they will certainly be in acute grief after suicide. Consult with your pastor or your family doctor for referrals to competent Christian therapists.
  5. Consult your attorney and your pastor for assistance in your inevitable dealings with the police, medical examiner, newspapers, funeral director, and monument dealer. You’ll be asked to make hundreds of decisions, some of them on very short notice. You do not have to make these decisions alone. Use the human resources available to you in your hours of greatest need, even in matters which may appear trivial at the time.
  6. Stay in close contact with your church throughout the grief process. You may need to take a brief sabbatical from daily involvement in church life, but do not let this death and its burden keep you too far away from God or His people.”

Mary Langford, That Nothing Be Wasted (Birmingham: New Hope, 1988) 38.

“We often say that the tragedy of suicide is that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Suicide cannot be thought of as a romantic or mysterious act. It must be viewed as the worst of choices made by a mind no longer able to function in a rational manner. It is imperative that the mystery, the drama, and the romance of the act be taken away through open discussion of both the life of the person who committed suicide and the feelings of those who are left behind.

“There is strong precedent in our society not to speak ill of the dead. It is not speaking ill to help survivors understand as much as possible what led up to a suicide and to discuss other ways that apparently problems might be solved. You can talk about the anger that you feel toward someone who elects this way out without vilifying the person. If mental illness or depression were factors in leading to the suicide, then it is important to discuss getting help for these conditions. It is necessary to emphasize that seeking treatment is a wise, not a shameful, thing to do … How members of a family cope with uncomfortable feelings or problem situations can be an important clue as to whether or not suicide will be chosen as a solution for serious crises. We have found that many of those who commit suicide have a history of burying or suppressing troublesome emotions rather than confronting them. They have tended to use alcohol or other substances among other means of escape. The excessive reliance on almost any form of activity may be a way of escaping from emotional conflicts or pain. If your parents’ pattern was to avoid pain and conflict, it is important for you to think about whether this is your pattern also.”

Ann Smolin and John Guinan, Healing After the Suicide of a Loved One (New York: Fireside, 1993), 104-105.

Further Learning

Learn more about: Life, Suicide

1 comments (post your own) feed

1 On May 13th, 2007, at 11:48am, BABATUNDE SONUGA wrote:

I HAVE HAD AN INTENT TO COMMITT SUICIDE BECAUSE MY BUSINESS COLLAPSED.BUT CURRENTLY I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FORGET MY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS AND TRYING TO MOVE AHEAD IN LIFE.I’VE HAD TO PICK UP A DOMESTIC JOB TO KEEP BODY AND SOUL GOING.I’VE MAKING A LOT OF RESEARCH ON MENTAL HEALTH AND SURVIVING MENTAL BREAKDOWN.I ALSO READ THE BIBLE AND WORDS FOR TODAY TO ENCOURAGE MY SELF.I AM NOW REBUILDING MY LIFE.I REALLY LOVE TO GET BACK ON TRACK.MY CHIDREN ARE NOW A SOURCE OF JOY TO ME.`

Post a Comment




Notify me of follow-up comments?

Before You Submit Your Comment (below), Read This:

Thank you for your interest in the ministry of the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission (SBC).

Comments are moderated to preserve the family-oriented nature of this website and in an attempt to avoid comment spam. We welcome opposing viewpoints, and we will not turn comments away as long as your views are presented with respect to everyone.

Your comments will not appear immediately and are subject to editing or deletion. We will make every attempt to check new comments in a timely manner, though there will likely be delays on the weekends and around holidays.

Please follow the these guidelines to insure your comments will be posted:

  1. Use a real name, at least a real first name. We find folks are less-rude online when not hiding behind a screen-name.
  2. Name-calling and vulgar-language will not be tolerated. Zero-tolerance is our policy. We will not spend time editing profanity. If it contains foul language, your post will be deleted. Oh, and we decide what is and what is not vulgar.
  3. Comments must be on topic. General comments (compliments, complaints, and otherwise) are best delivered here or expressed on your own personal Web site.
  4. And please, do not type in ALL CAPS. It looks like you're screaming at people.

Additionally, within Baptist polity, please recognize that many issues and decisions are addressed at a local church level. SBC denominational (national) offices have no control and desire no control over the activities of a local church. This entity is not responsible for overseeing and insuring the ethical behavior of Southern Baptist pastors or church members. If your concern involves a legal civil or criminal matter, we suggest you contact the proper local officials.

Issues involving pastoral staff or other church members, local Baptist associations or state Baptist conventions are local issues. Therefore the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission cannot and should not address such issues. While we regret we are unable to assist you, we encourage you to seek a biblical resolution of the issue at the local church level. If your question or submission pertains to a matter covered in this text, it is likely we will not acknowledge your submission.

Other than that, we welcome you and hope to see thoughtful discussions at ERLC.com