Western Kentucky church’s ministry helping broken families heal
- Aug 15, 2008
MARION, Ky.—When Marylyn Belt went back to school to work on a Master’s degree in social work, she looked for a project that would help her improve her real-world skills. What she did not realize is that she was headed into a unique ministry that became Arms Around Families, now a Tuesday night fixture at Emmanuel Baptist Church in Marion.
“I knew I needed to do a parenting class,” Belt recalled. “I just saw there was a need in Crittenden County and knew it was something I needed to do.”
In July of 2005, she called Pastor Rob Ison and shared what was on her heart. While developing plans for the parenting class, the two realized they needed to do more. Some of the parents had drug and alcohol issues, as well as children who had been exposed to those behaviors.
“Part of God’s genius in all of this is that Arms Around Families is taking a holistic approach,” Ison explained. “If those parents are court ordered to attend, they’re going to ask, ‘Well what do I do with my kids?’ … If you address the parenting issues without taking on those other problems you’re going to send them right back out to fail.”
Belt and Ison chose the Parenting Wisely system as the basis of the parenting class and developed the Everybody Cares program for children. Combined with Celebrate Recovery, the three-pronged Tuesday night ministry became Arms Around Families.
“Parenting Wisely is a 16-week program. We have components that deal with alcohol abuse, substance abuse, child abuse and discipline,” Belt noted. “We have professionals from the community who come in to talk about specific topics such as immunization, … child safety, those kind of things.”
The parents are assigned homework and participate in interactive open discussions.
“They are very open to share some of the inappropriate things that may have gone on in their lives,” Belt explained. “We help redirect them into positive behavior.”
The parents come from a variety of backgrounds.
Some parents “are ordered (to attend) by Children and Family Services, drug court, family court, district court. Some are here because their attorney advised them to take the class because of a custody issue,” Belt pointed out.
Meanwhile, volunteers with the Everybody Cares program spend time teaching children basic life skills.
“Things like how to say no appropriately, how to call 911, how to avoid being a bully and how to deal with a bully,” Belt said. “Parents work different schedules, so kids often eat in front of the TV. We teach them to sit at a table and eat a meal, and to have prayer before meals. These little things can make a big difference over a period of several months.”
Both Belt and Ison said they are amazed at the number of people from the community who have been drawn to the effort and now contribute to Arms Around Families as leaders and teachers. In addition, the program has given social workers, domestic counselors and even the judicial system an added resource.
“For instance, the courts can’t order anyone to attend a parenting class at Emanuel Baptist Church. But, the courts can order parents to attend a class without specifying where,” Ison noted. “Since we happen to have the only parenting class in the area, they show up here.”
Some parents have driven more than an hour to attend Arms Around Families meetings. The program also has received inquiries from all of the surrounding counties.
“We have provided a resource not just in our community, but to communities within a 60-mile radius,” Ison emphasized.
Meanwhile, Belt said she believed adding Celebrate Recovery as a substance abuse healing program was too much. She later realized it would add an important element to the program.
“When you go to (Alcoholics Anonymous) or (Narcotics Anonymous), they only talk about a higher power,” Belt observed. “Celebrate Recovery involves a faith element. It includes prayer and a worship service. Often, we have people that tell us this is the first time they’ve heard the gospel when they were sober so it could mean something to them.”
Tough issues
While churches have yet to adopt the Arms Around Families approach to helping families, Belt said she has received several requests for information. She added, though, the program is not for the faint of heart.
“We had a church that wanted to do this in an upper-middle class neighborhood as parenting enrichment to fit their community. But, I told them they need to have a plan, because God will use that program to bring in people they don’t expect,” Belt recalled. “You need a plan for what you’re going to do when a kid comes in with head lice because his or her parents have only been requiring the children to take a bath once a week. What will you do?”
Ison said the program has faced even more serious issues.
“We had a parent who showed up to tell us the spouse had threatened to steal the baby as part of a custody dispute,” Ison explained. “Do you wilt, or do you put plans in place to deal with it? We locked all the doors except one … and we had everyone come in and out that door and put our child care people on alert to assure that nothing happened.”
Despite the dangers, the Arms Around Families effort has produced its fair share of surprises.
“We had a couple … who was not properly handling their baby’s bottles. It was causing health problems for the baby,” Ison recalled. “Over several weeks, the parents learned about making sure the bottles were clean and the milk properly formulated. Within a short time, the baby’s cheeks were filled out, it had good color and the baby was more responsive to the surroundings.”
The changes in some of the adult participants have been equally remarkable, according to Belt.
“We had a lady in the parenting class who had very low self esteem,” she noted. “Our volunteers began to talk to her and interact with her. … You could see a physical and spiritual strength that had not been there before. She had just grown as a person and that translates into her being a better parent for her children because she feels better about herself.”
Both Belt and Ison said they believe seeing those kinds of improvements is the best sign that God is in the program.
“We’ve seen a lot of people just bloom during the program,” Ison indicated. “I know I’ve had occasions when some of the women in the program were reluctant to engage in conversations with me. I came to realize that many of the participants have been in less than ideal relationships. … This program may be the first opportunity for some of these women to be in a non-threatening conversation or situation with a man.”
He noted that only a few of the Tuesday night participants have transitioned into regular church attendance. Still, he said the Tuesday night activities have become church for many.
“I think our philosophy in the ’90s was to create as many inroads into the Sunday morning service to get people to church on Sunday,” he observed. “What’s actually happening here is that Tuesday night is becoming their church service.
Tuesday night church
“I told a pastor friend who came to visit that it might be difficult to get some of our Tuesday participants churched,” Ison added. “He grabbed my arm and said, ‘Don’t think that you’re not churching them—you’re just not Sunday morning churching them.’”
Ison acknowledged one of the toughest transitions for Arms Around Families participants is coming to the understanding that the program is not just about recovering from drugs or abuse—it is about restoring something spiritual that drugs and alcohol have taken from them.
“Most of our participants start out thinking that this is something they need to do to make life better,” he said. “It’s more than that. This is becoming their church. There are some things about being a traditional church member that they may never get. What I’m coming to realize is that’s not bad. It has the same spiritual value to them, just as if they were here on Sunday morning.”
Ison said Emmanuel Baptist Church hopes to spread the Arms Around Families concept to neighboring churches and communities.
This article is reprinted from the July 29, 2008, issue of the Western Recorder, the newspaper of the Kentucky Baptist Convention.
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