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Articles

How to serve singles on Valentine’s Day

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February 12, 2019

Many American churches have taught their young people a harmful ideology that Jackie Hill Perry calls the “heterosexual gospel.” This teaching claims that a healthy walk with the Lord naturally leads to marriage, thus, the Christian's ultimate goal is not Christlikeness, but marital union. I resonate with Perry’s message, as I was misguided by this teaching in my teenage years. By setting marriage as a primary goal of the Christian life, disappointment and confusion were inevitable as I remained single year after year. Here are a few quotes that I heard in church in the 90s:

Can I get a chapter and verse reference for these? The husband was all but promised as a prize for the obediences of the Christian life. The Bible teaches us that regardless of marital status, we are God’s masterpieces created for good works (Eph. 2:10), to be holy in all of our behavior (1 Pet. 1:15), and that both marriage (Prov. 18:22) and singleness (1 Cor. 7:7) are a blessing from God.

Prolonged singleness is on the rise, and the church has some catching up to do. Singles need to speak up in this realm, as well. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I’d like to offer some suggestions for how my married friends can help their single friends feel loved, valued, and included as you celebrate love with friends and family.

Here are a few ways to love and serve the singles in your life:

Practice generosity: Invite your single friends to your family’s Valentine’s Day festivities. A few years ago, one friend invited me on their family weekend getaway. It is hard to be sad or contemplative when you have cans of silly string, balloons, and confetti in your hotel room.

Show hospitality: Host singles in your home for Valentine’s Day. One family in our church invites singles over to their house for a Valentine pizza party. Be creative, and think of ways you can be hospitable to your single friends.

Be thoughtful: I have a friend whose 80-year-old mother sends me a valentine and red candy every year. I have had friends who sent flowers or balloons. Have your children make cards for people who will probably not receive a Valentine’s Day card. Celebrate the love that friendship brings into your life, in addition to familial and romantic love.

And here are a few things you might avoid doing in order to better serve the singles in your life:

Don’t play cupid: The week of Feb. 14 isn’t the time to play matchmaker with two of your favorite single friends. Even if you have a positive track record of setting people up, if you have a really good feeling about it, or if you think have the gift of “prophecy.” Do you see where I am going with these “evens”? Let’s save dating negotiations for another week. Blind dates are stressful enough without the pressure of Valentine’s Day.

Use caution with questions: This isn’t the week to (nor should you ever) ask the following questions of your single friends—actual questions that people have asked me.

Sure, there is a time and a place for questions, wrestling, and challenging conversations with your single friends. But, married friends, tread lightly in these waters. Be transparent. Explain to your single friends that while you care about how they feel and think, you may need to seek help while navigating these waters. Be quick to listen and slow to speak (James 1:19). Humbly seek information about what is okay or what may be taken offensively. There is grace given for even being willing to make the effort. Perfection is not the goal, and Valentine’s week is probably not the best timing for these conversations.

Avoid Christian platitudes: Well-meaning married people sometimes say the strangest things to singles. Please try to avoid Christian dating platitudes such as:

There is a vital role in the church and society for single men and women: the goal of the Christian life is God glorified among the nations.

None of these comments are helpful, and some of these comments infer that something is wrong or lacking in the single person but resolved for the married person. Praise God, there is good news for us all: God continues to love and teach all of us, regardless of our relationship status.

Don’t cash in nanny favors: Don’t ask your single friends to babysit so that you can go on a date night. Keep this week off limits from phoning a single friend. This one isn’t an absolute, and if your single friend offers, then by all means. But in general, it’s a wise time to steer clear of magnifying the fact that you have a lifelong date and your friend doesn’t.

Far from being cynical, God has shown me great grace in overcoming the harmful teaching I received as a youth. He is my reward. Together with the church, he is my husband (Isa. 54:5). Womanhood according to the Bible is about so much more than being a wife and mom. And Scripture’s description of manhood far exceeds being a husband and father. There is a vital role in the church and society for single men and women: the goal of the Christian life is God glorified among the nations. Let’s continue to pursue open and honest conversations about these topics and work together toward that goal. We can learn from each other as we seek to bring glory to the greatest single person to ever live, Jesus. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sara Beth Fentress

Sara Beth Fentress is the founder and executive director of 127 Worldwide, a non-profit organization that helps Christians tangibly live out James 1:27. God has grown a passion in her heart for orphan care, advocacy, education and discipleship. She lives in Raleigh, N.C., and is a covenant member of Imago … Read More

Article 12: The Future of AI

We affirm that AI will continue to be developed in ways that we cannot currently imagine or understand, including AI that will far surpass many human abilities. God alone has the power to create life, and no future advancements in AI will usurp Him as the Creator of life. The church has a unique role in proclaiming human dignity for all and calling for the humane use of AI in all aspects of society.

We deny that AI will make us more or less human, or that AI will ever obtain a coequal level of worth, dignity, or value to image-bearers. Future advancements in AI will not ultimately fulfill our longings for a perfect world. While we are not able to comprehend or know the future, we do not fear what is to come because we know that God is omniscient and that nothing we create will be able to thwart His redemptive plan for creation or to supplant humanity as His image-bearers.

Genesis 1; Isaiah 42:8; Romans 1:20-21; 5:2; Ephesians 1:4-6; 2 Timothy 1:7-9; Revelation 5:9-10

Article 11: Public Policy

We affirm that the fundamental purposes of government are to protect human beings from harm, punish those who do evil, uphold civil liberties, and to commend those who do good. The public has a role in shaping and crafting policies concerning the use of AI in society, and these decisions should not be left to those who develop these technologies or to governments to set norms.

We deny that AI should be used by governments, corporations, or any entity to infringe upon God-given human rights. AI, even in a highly advanced state, should never be delegated the governing authority that has been granted by an all-sovereign God to human beings alone. 

Romans 13:1-7; Acts 10:35; 1 Peter 2:13-14

Article 10: War

We affirm that the use of AI in warfare should be governed by love of neighbor and the principles of just war. The use of AI may mitigate the loss of human life, provide greater protection of non-combatants, and inform better policymaking. Any lethal action conducted or substantially enabled by AI must employ 5 human oversight or review. All defense-related AI applications, such as underlying data and decision-making processes, must be subject to continual review by legitimate authorities. When these systems are deployed, human agents bear full moral responsibility for any actions taken by the system.

We deny that human agency or moral culpability in war can be delegated to AI. No nation or group has the right to use AI to carry out genocide, terrorism, torture, or other war crimes.

Genesis 4:10; Isaiah 1:16-17; Psalm 37:28; Matthew 5:44; 22:37-39; Romans 13:4

Article 9: Security

We affirm that AI has legitimate applications in policing, intelligence, surveillance, investigation, and other uses supporting the government’s responsibility to respect human rights, to protect and preserve human life, and to pursue justice in a flourishing society.

We deny that AI should be employed for safety and security applications in ways that seek to dehumanize, depersonalize, or harm our fellow human beings. We condemn the use of AI to suppress free expression or other basic human rights granted by God to all human beings.

Romans 13:1-7; 1 Peter 2:13-14

Article 8: Data & Privacy

We affirm that privacy and personal property are intertwined individual rights and choices that should not be violated by governments, corporations, nation-states, and other groups, even in the pursuit of the common good. While God knows all things, it is neither wise nor obligatory to have every detail of one’s life open to society.

We deny the manipulative and coercive uses of data and AI in ways that are inconsistent with the love of God and love of neighbor. Data collection practices should conform to ethical guidelines that uphold the dignity of all people. We further deny that consent, even informed consent, although requisite, is the only necessary ethical standard for the collection, manipulation, or exploitation of personal data—individually or in the aggregate. AI should not be employed in ways that distort truth through the use of generative applications. Data should not be mishandled, misused, or abused for sinful purposes to reinforce bias, strengthen the powerful, or demean the weak.

Exodus 20:15, Psalm 147:5; Isaiah 40:13-14; Matthew 10:16 Galatians 6:2; Hebrews 4:12-13; 1 John 1:7 

Article 7: Work

We affirm that work is part of God’s plan for human beings participating in the cultivation and stewardship of creation. The divine pattern is one of labor and rest in healthy proportion to each other. Our view of work should not be confined to commercial activity; it must also include the many ways that human beings serve each other through their efforts. AI can be used in ways that aid our work or allow us to make fuller use of our gifts. The church has a Spirit-empowered responsibility to help care for those who lose jobs and to encourage individuals, communities, employers, and governments to find ways to invest in the development of human beings and continue making vocational contributions to our lives together.

We deny that human worth and dignity is reducible to an individual’s economic contributions to society alone. Humanity should not use AI and other technological innovations as a reason to move toward lives of pure leisure even if greater social wealth creates such possibilities.

Genesis 1:27; 2:5; 2:15; Isaiah 65:21-24; Romans 12:6-8; Ephesians 4:11-16

Article 6: Sexuality

We affirm the goodness of God’s design for human sexuality which prescribes the sexual union to be an exclusive relationship between a man and a woman in the lifelong covenant of marriage.

We deny that the pursuit of sexual pleasure is a justification for the development or use of AI, and we condemn the objectification of humans that results from employing AI for sexual purposes. AI should not intrude upon or substitute for the biblical expression of sexuality between a husband and wife according to God’s design for human marriage.

Genesis 1:26-29; 2:18-25; Matthew 5:27-30; 1 Thess 4:3-4

Article 5: Bias

We affirm that, as a tool created by humans, AI will be inherently subject to bias and that these biases must be accounted for, minimized, or removed through continual human oversight and discretion. AI should be designed and used in such ways that treat all human beings as having equal worth and dignity. AI should be utilized as a tool to identify and eliminate bias inherent in human decision-making.

We deny that AI should be designed or used in ways that violate the fundamental principle of human dignity for all people. Neither should AI be used in ways that reinforce or further any ideology or agenda, seeking to subjugate human autonomy under the power of the state.

Micah 6:8; John 13:34; Galatians 3:28-29; 5:13-14; Philippians 2:3-4; Romans 12:10

Article 4: Medicine

We affirm that AI-related advances in medical technologies are expressions of God’s common grace through and for people created in His image and that these advances will increase our capacity to provide enhanced medical diagnostics and therapeutic interventions as we seek to care for all people. These advances should be guided by basic principles of medical ethics, including beneficence, non-maleficence, autonomy, and justice, which are all consistent with the biblical principle of loving our neighbor.

We deny that death and disease—effects of the Fall—can ultimately be eradicated apart from Jesus Christ. Utilitarian applications regarding healthcare distribution should not override the dignity of human life. Fur- 3 thermore, we reject the materialist and consequentialist worldview that understands medical applications of AI as a means of improving, changing, or completing human beings.

Matthew 5:45; John 11:25-26; 1 Corinthians 15:55-57; Galatians 6:2; Philippians 2:4

Article 3: Relationship of AI & Humanity

We affirm the use of AI to inform and aid human reasoning and moral decision-making because it is a tool that excels at processing data and making determinations, which often mimics or exceeds human ability. While AI excels in data-based computation, technology is incapable of possessing the capacity for moral agency or responsibility.

We deny that humans can or should cede our moral accountability or responsibilities to any form of AI that will ever be created. Only humanity will be judged by God on the basis of our actions and that of the tools we create. While technology can be created with a moral use in view, it is not a moral agent. Humans alone bear the responsibility for moral decision making.

Romans 2:6-8; Galatians 5:19-21; 2 Peter 1:5-8; 1 John 2:1

Article 2: AI as Technology

We affirm that the development of AI is a demonstration of the unique creative abilities of human beings. When AI is employed in accordance with God’s moral will, it is an example of man’s obedience to the divine command to steward creation and to honor Him. We believe in innovation for the glory of God, the sake of human flourishing, and the love of neighbor. While we acknowledge the reality of the Fall and its consequences on human nature and human innovation, technology can be used in society to uphold human dignity. As a part of our God-given creative nature, human beings should develop and harness technology in ways that lead to greater flourishing and the alleviation of human suffering.

We deny that the use of AI is morally neutral. It is not worthy of man’s hope, worship, or love. Since the Lord Jesus alone can atone for sin and reconcile humanity to its Creator, technology such as AI cannot fulfill humanity’s ultimate needs. We further deny the goodness and benefit of any application of AI that devalues or degrades the dignity and worth of another human being. 

Genesis 2:25; Exodus 20:3; 31:1-11; Proverbs 16:4; Matthew 22:37-40; Romans 3:23

Article 1: Image of God

We affirm that God created each human being in His image with intrinsic and equal worth, dignity, and moral agency, distinct from all creation, and that humanity’s creativity is intended to reflect God’s creative pattern.

We deny that any part of creation, including any form of technology, should ever be used to usurp or subvert the dominion and stewardship which has been entrusted solely to humanity by God; nor should technology be assigned a level of human identity, worth, dignity, or moral agency.

Genesis 1:26-28; 5:1-2; Isaiah 43:6-7; Jeremiah 1:5; John 13:34; Colossians 1:16; 3:10; Ephesians 4:24