3 myths about marriage Americans still believe
By / Sep 9

Advice on achieving wedded bliss likely began when Adam and Eve passed their hard-won wisdom about the first marriage down to their children. But since then the quality of marital advice has varied considerably. Too often, recommendations about what is necessary to create and maintain stable and happy marriages are based more on old wives tales than on supportable evidence. 

Here, for example, are three myths about marriage that Americans continue to believe and pass on to young people.

Myth #1: Marriage is inherently unstable, and about half of marriages end in divorce.

Although this claim has been debunked for decades, the idea that close to half of all marriages end in divorce remains all too common. A related belief is that while the statistic is no longer true, it was the reality at an earlier time in American history. The truth, though, is that there has never been a time when half of marriages even came close to ending in divorce. 

The most common metric for measuring divorce is the divorce rate, a measure of the tendency for divorce to occur within a specific population. The divorce rate is calculated in any given year by dividing the number of divorces occurring within a population over the year, by the average or mid-year population for that year, expressed times 1000. For example, in 2019 there were 14.9 divorces for every thousand marriages. This was the lowest rate in nearly 50 years. 

A low divorce rate means that people are staying married longer. Census data reveals that the median duration of current marriages in the U.S. in 2019 was 19.8, which means about half of marriage lasted longer than that, and half lasted less. 

Where did the myth originate? It’s likely a result of people calculating the marriage to divorce ratio. In 2020, the rate was 2.2 marriages for every divorce. That’s almost 1 divorce per every 2 marriages—close to 50%. But as Dan Hurley of The New York Times explains:

[R]esearchers say that [using the marriage ratio] is misleading because the people who are divorcing in any given year are not the same as those who are marrying, and that the statistic is virtually useless in understanding divorce rates. In fact, they say, studies find that the divorce rate in the United States has never reached one in every two marriages, and new research suggests that, with rates now declining, it probably never will.

Myth #2: If you want to stay married, wait to get married until you are in your 30s.

A common view in America is that to have a successful marriage a person should marry later in life, presumably when they are more mature and have established some stability. That is almost always a reliable truth if the person is considering marriage in their teens. Research has shown that delaying marriage from the teens until the early 20s produces the largest declines in divorce risk.

And it also used to be true of people who waited to marry until after age 30. But that seems to have changed in the past 20 years. Recent analysis (since 2002) shows that prior to age 32 or so, each additional year of age at marriage reduces the odds of divorce by 11%. However, after age 32 the odds of divorce increase by 5% per year.

Myth #3: If you want to stay married, live together first. 

One of the most persistent myths about developing a stable marriage is the idea that a couple should live together—cohabitate—before tying the knot. A study by Barna Group found that a majority of Americans believe in cohabitation (65%) and 84% of that group  do so because they believe it provides a test of compatibility prior to marrying. 

The reality, though, is that there is almost no greater predictor of divorce than cohabitation. Living together before marriage increases the probability a couple will split up. For example, a 2018 study found that cohabitation before marriage was associated with a lower risk of divorce in the first year of marriage but a higher risk thereafter. 

One of the reasons may be that the experience of cohabitation makes people more open to divorce. A study from Europe found ​​that once people married, they were less tolerant of divorce. That was true only for those who had not lived together first. If a couple had cohabited prior to marriage, they were more tolerant of divorce than they had been when they were single. The experience of being in a less-than-committed living arrangement carried over in attitudes even after the wedding. 

Even for those who do not divorce, cohabitation can reduce marital satisfaction. One study found that almost half of people who cohabited before engagement (43.1%) reported lower marital satisfaction, dedication, and confidence as well as more negative communication with their spouse. 

Some actual good advice 

What contributes to ​a successful marriage? Here are three pieces of advice that actually help couples create a happy marriage: 

Share faith in Christ: When asked about what kinds of things are important for a successful marriage, 44% of adults surveyed by Pew Research said shared religious beliefs are “very important.” By this metric, notes Pew, shared religion is “seen as more important for a good marriage than shared political attitudes, but substantially less important than shared interests, good sex and a fair division of household labor.” Follow the Apostle Paul’s advice and “Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:14)—especially in marriage. 

Share a pew: Spouses should have a shared faith in Christ and then share a pew in church. Research has found that couples are substantially more likely to report being happy in their relationship when both partners attend church regularly than when neither partner does. Couples who attend religious services together are also happier in their relationships than are their peers who don’t regularly attend church.

Share prayer and Christian friends: Evidence shows that couples who attend church together enjoy significantly happier relationships, in large part, says ​​family researcher W. Bradford Wilcox, because they socialize with friends who share their faith and especially because they pray with one another. “In other words,” adds Wilcox, “those couples who pray together are happiest together.”

How do Americans view the issue of abortion, really?
By / Jul 13

In the wake of the Supreme Court’s recent ruling in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization—a ruling that overturned the court’s 1973 decision in Roe v. Wade and 1992 decision in Casey v. Planned Parenthood—there has, rightly, been a chorus of rejoicing among pro-life advocates. But the cheers of the pro-life community, it seems, have been matched by the public outcry of those lamenting this court’s monumental decision. From late-night talk show hosts to members of Congress to Hollywood actors and actresses, the mass of objectors, not to mention their collective noise and blatant vitriol, while not surprising, has nevertheless been disconcerting. Combine that with results from the NPR/PBS NewsHour/Marist National Poll (and others like it) that preceded the Supreme Court decision, revealing that 64% of Americans opposed the overturn of Roe, and we have to ask: is the American public really this pro-abortion?

New polling data gathered from a recent Harvard-Harris Poll, published in early July, helps answer this question. And its answer tells a different and more nuanced story than what we’ve grown accustomed to seeing on our television and computer screens. 

Americans’ thoughts on Roe

Headlining most of these studies, though the numbers vary, is the reality that a majority of Americans did, in fact, oppose the overturn of Roe v. Wade. For instance:

  • As mentioned above, the NPR/PBS NewsHour/Marist National Poll, a survey of more than 1,300 American adults interviewed in May 2022, revealed that 64% of respondents “[did] not think Roe v. Wade should be overturned.”
  • A 2020 survey conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation showed that 69% of those surveyed opposed the overturn of Roe. 
  • More recently, a survey conducted by the Land Center for Cultural Engagement and Lifeway Christian Research “found that most Americans (52%) don’t favor the overturning of Roe. v. Wade.”
  • Finally, the Harvard-Harris Poll, conducted in June 2022 “among 1308 registered voters,” showed that “over half of voters (55%) oppose[d] SCOTUS overturning Roe v. Wade.”

Like it or not, regardless of the study referenced, it is clear that a majority of Americans, for a variety of reasons, did not favor the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe. So, what are we to make of this? Are we to assume that the majority of Americans, by virtue of their opposition to the overturn of Roe, are necessarily pro-abortion? If we dig a little deeper, public opinion is not as disheartening as these numbers may seem to suggest.

Digging deeper

While the headline of many of these polls is the American public’s general support for Roe, it is the additional polling data that sheds light on the public sentiment surrounding the issue of abortion. If we go no further than reading these headlines, we may draw the mistaken conclusion that the majority of respondents in these surveys are not just pro-Roe but pro-abortion. But that’s not what the survey data reveals. For example, Leo O’Malley, a Notre Dame law student and contributor to the Notre Dame Journal of Law, Ethics, & Public Policy, observed the following data points from the Harvard-Harris Poll:

  • While 55% of those polled opposed overturning Roe v. Wade, 49% support an abortion ban after six weeks, and 72% support an abortion ban after 15 weeks.
  • Only 10% of respondents support the Democratic position of allowing abortion up until birth. 

The findings of the Harvard-Harris Poll were, in large part, corroborated by a survey conducted by The Economist/YouGov in June 2022, showing that 38%, 54%, and 66% of respondents were in favor of banning abortion after six weeks, three months, and 15 weeks, respectively. 

Likewise, the study conducted by the Land Center and Lifeway Christian Research revealed similar findings.

  • Among those polled, 41% favored restrictions after the sixth week of pregnancy, 52% after the 12th week, 59% after the 15th week, and 65% after the 20th week. 
  • Only 10% of Americans support abortion up until the moment of birth.
  • 69% of Americans say that reducing abortions is important.

Even the NPR/PBS NewsHour/Marist National Poll, a poll that seems especially sympathetic to the pro-abortion position, recognized “the complexity of Americans’ views on abortion rights.” After highlighting the strict partisan divide on the issue of abortion, the study goes on to report that, outside of the extremes, “nearly seven in ten (68%) [Americans] support some type of restrictions on abortion.”

Contrary to what is most often projected on our computer and television screens, it seems that the American public has a more nuanced view on the topic of abortion than we are led to believe. What does that mean for the church and the ongoing work of the pro-life movement?

Moving others with love and good deeds

While these numbers don’t reflect the views and opinions of those within our church pews exactly—”evangelicals are the cohort [that] is most pro-life,” as the Land Center/Lifeway Christian Research study made clear—they prove that the so-called consensus on “abortion rights” in this country is a myth, and that people are generally closer to the pro-life position of outlawing abortion than they are the pro-choice position of unfettered abortion access. In other words, the overwhelming majority of Americans are not “insolent opponents” of the pro-life cause. So, then, how should the church proceed? 

The apostle Paul tells us that “the fruit of the Spirit is love” (Gal. 5:22) and that “love is patient and kind” (1 Cor. 13:4), that it “is not arrogant” (v.4), “does not act unbecomingly” (v. 5), and it “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things” (v. 7). The fruit of the Spirit, Paul also says, is “peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Gal. 5:22-23). This is how we proceed. By walking in step with the Spirit (Gal. 5:25) and bearing his fruit, we perform this needed work with love, kindness, and gentleness, patiently enduring hardships, and hoping for the day when abortion becomes illegal and unthinkable to all Americans all across this country.

The point is, we will not be able to strongarm those with conflicted views on abortion over to “our side.” Instead, we’ll make friends with our neighbors and engage in meaningful conversations with them across our dinner tables. We’ll involve ourselves in our local communities and local schools, building relationships with peers and local leaders. We’ll open our homes to those who need care, whether friends or neighbors or those in our community group. And because we’re keeping in step with the Spirit, we’ll resist the temptation to caricature the people whose views on abortion deviate from our own. If we hope to see these numbers tick closer to the pro-life side of this issue—and I know we do—it won’t happen by force, but by love and good deeds, and the power of the Spirit. 

10 political resolutions for 2021 and beyond
By / Mar 29

Nearly 300 years ago, Jonathan Edwards penned his now-famous Resolutions. According to Stephen Nichols, these 70 resolutions were recorded by Edwards at a moment when he was nearing the end of his ministerial training, taking “advantage of the opportunity to pause and reflect on the type of person he wanted to be and the way in which he wanted to live his life.” In effect, with his Resolutions, Edwards wrote a “system of checks and balances he would use to chart out his life–his relationships, his conversations, his desires, his activities.” Informed by the Word of God like few others, Edwards, with this “advice to himself,” set guardrails to keep his feet on the way of faithfulness. 

We need a resolution

Undoubtedly, countless of us have benefited from Edwards’ advice. It is in that vein that I propose a set of resolutions for the day in which we live, specifically in our American cultural-political context. 

What kind of people are we becoming? What kind of life do we want to live? These were the sorts of questions that Edwards paused and asked himself, and these are the very questions that we must pause and, with Christlike humility, ask of ourselves. In a political culture rife with disrespect, slander, and self-serving theatrics, behaviors that the church is regularly seen participating in, we find ourselves in dire need of our own Godward guardrails.

So, as we go forward, may the following resolutions serve as a system of checks and balances meant to stay our feet on the way of Christ and engage others with the heart of Christ. 

10 political resolutions for 2021 and beyond

I want to begin with Edwards’ own words: “Being sensible that I am unable to do anything without God’s help, I do humbly entreat him by his grace to enable me to keep these resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake.”

  1. Resolved, to view others, regardless of religious or political affiliation, as persons made in the image of God, and to treat them as such. 
  2. Resolved, in politics, as in life, “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with my God” (Micah 6:8).
  3. Resolved, to be devoted to the truth, most especially God’s Word, but, likewise, truth generally, taking care not to purport that which is untrustworthy and/or false. 
  4. Resolved, to act instinctively toward others not with skepticism or cynicism but, regardless of one’s religious or political affiliation, to assume the best and give the benefit of the doubt unless proven otherwise. 
  5. Resolved, to always speak and act with charity. 
  6. Resolved, where appropriate, to exercise the courage required to participate in local, state, and/or federal civil service, whether as an official or simply an engaged citizen, for “the peace and prosperity of the city” where God has placed me (Jer. 29:7).
  7. Resolved, as far as it depends on me, to never allow political affiliation to dissolve my fellowship with a brother or sister in Christ, a family member, a friend, or a neighbor.
  8. Resolved, to hold elected officials accountable to the standards of the office to which they’ve been appointed, and to do so with charity and respect, for their good, for the good of those they represent or govern, and for the public witness of the church.
  9. Resolved, to be a good church member, family member, friend, neighbor, and citizen. 
  10. Resolved, to reserve my first and strongest allegiance to Christ and his kingdom, recognizing that “to love my country best I must love Christ first.”

For Christ and the common good

As Americans, we have the pleasure and the privilege of engaging directly in the politics that govern our country. As Christians, we have the responsibility to do so in a way that is pleasing to the God who made us and “determined our appointed times and the boundaries of where we live” (Acts 17:26). It is a privilege and responsibility that should be exercised with integrity, great care, and sobriety. May these resolutions serve as guardrails for faithful Christian civic engagement, for the glory of God and the good of our society. And, like Edwards, may these resolutions signal and enact our “utmost determination to bring every area of our life under subjection of the Lordship of Christ.”