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Dr. Rick Morton on how the Russian invasion of Ukraine impacts vulnerable children

Chelsea Sobolik welcomes Dr. Rick Morton, the Vice President of Engagement for Lifeline Children’s Services to discuss how the Russian invasion of Ukraine impacts orphans, vulnerable children, and families in the process of adopting. They discuss how the war harms vulnerable children, and ways the church can get involved in caring for vulnerable children.

Guest Biography

As Vice President of Engagement, Rick Morton shepherds the Lifeline Children’s Services outreach to individual, church, and organizational ministry partners as well as the ministry’s commitment to publishing resources that aid families and churches in discipling orphans and vulnerable children. Holding both the Doctor of Philosophy and Master of Arts degrees in Christian Education from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, Rick taught on the faculty of his alma mater as well as the faculties of Bryan College and The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He also served local churches in Tennessee, Louisiana, and Mississippi. He is an accomplished writer and sought after speaker. Most notably, Rick is the co-author of the popular Orphanology: Awakening to Gospel-centered Adoption and Orphan Care and the author of KnowOrphans: Mobilizing the Church for Global Orphanology. Rick and his lovely wife Denise have been married for over 26 years, and they have 3 children, all of whom joined their family through international adoption from Ukraine.

Resources from the Conversation

Lifeline Children’s Services
Orphanology: Awakening to Gospel-Centered Adoption and Orphan Care by Rick Morton and Tony Merida
KnowOrphans: Mobilizing the Church for Global Orphanology by Rick Morton
Christians, remember the vulnerable children of Ukraine
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Christians, remember the vulnerable children of Ukraine

By Marie Delph / Mar 23

With the beginning of Russian aggression, the entire population of Ukraine became vulnerable in an instant. An estimated 3.2 million people have fled the country as refugees and millions more are internally displaced seeking safety from Russian attacks. Among those, an estimated 200,000 orphans are infinitely more unshielded today than ever before.

Child welfare in Ukraine

It’s impossible to keep that many kids safe during a war. They’re already missing thousands of children, and authorities worry they’ve fallen into the hands of human traffickers. The thought of Ukrainian orphans being trafficked and victimized breaks my heart. All three of my own children were born there, and I’ve devoted much of my life’s work to helping vulnerable Ukrainian children. These numbers — the hundreds of thousands of children being transported out of their war-torn home country, the thousands potentially lost to trafficking — aren’t just numbers to me. They shouldn’t just be numbers to you.

Even during peacetime, vulnerable Ukrainian children face steep odds and a bleak future. Though Ukraine has sought to improve child welfare in the past 15 years, the majority of vulnerable children, or 60-70%, turn to prostitution or crime after aging out of the orphanages at 16 years old. An estimated 20% get imprisoned, and 10% attempt suicide. Children with special needs get shipped far outside Ukraine’s cities to grow up in isolation and developmental deprivation.

If Russia gains regional dominance, child welfare in Ukraine will take a huge step backward. International adoption and ministry services will no longer be possible for the hardest-to-place children, and domestic adoption and foster care will no longer be an option. These children will have no chance at a future with a loving family near home or in America.

Russia has already used its own orphans as a geopolitical bargaining chip: Russia banned United States adoption back in 2013, a retaliation against American sanctions. Ukrainian orphans could be next.

How we should respond

Our calling as Christians is to pray for, minister and witness to these children. We must support them — and Ukraine — in any way possible. We can’t turn a blind eye to their needs. Our calling as Americans is to advocate relentlessly for their protection. We have the benefit of being part of a democracy, where the political system responds to our demands. So, make demands. Speak, as I am speaking. Call your representatives and senators. Donate to and amplify the organizations doing the dangerous, on-the-ground work that will save these children’s lives.

From afar, wars are just headlines and statistics. Maybe they increase the price of consumer goods or delay shipping times. Maybe they dominate the news for a few days before eventually fading into the background again. But it is morally essential that we remember the terrible human cost of war. Families have been destroyed; children have been lost to traffickers. More parents will fall into poverty after the war and have their children taken from them. If Russia manages to cut Ukraine off from international ministry and adoption, these families and children will be lost to a cycle of poverty and despair.

But every one of these children deserves a loving, stable home. Whether they’re children who have been evacuated as refugees or they’re children who remain trapped in the Ukrainian war zone, they need our prayers, our support, and our advocacy. Let’s keep all Ukrainian children safe — whatever it takes.

How to keep your children’s ministry on mission

By Marie Delph / Feb 16

When building a children’s ministry at a church, there is so much to consider: Which curriculum should we use? How many volunteers do we need? How do we keep parents in the loop? And that’s before we run into stalled check-in computers, missing activity sheets, and floors that need to be vacuumed. In his newest book, Keeping Your Children’s Ministry on Mission, Jared Kennedy shares a four-fold approach for gospel-centered, missional children’s ministry. In the book, he helps leaders — who can easily get distracted with all tasks of children’s ministry — to keep their focus on the gospel. Below, Kennedy answers questions that will help you form a faithful ministry to children.

What are the four big ways that the gospel shapes our goals for children’s ministry, and how do these gospel goals translate into a strategy for children’s discipleship?

In children’s ministry, we’re sometimes tempted to let the trappings of serving with excellence keep us from seeing where the real glory is. I’ve experienced this temptation practically. I’ve let the missing activity sheet and empty Goldfish box stress me out. While it’s not a bad thing to want to welcome families to our church with open arms, there are times when my worry over doing ministry well has revealed a misplaced faith. The level of anxiety I feel reveals that I’m trusting my hard work or attractional programming instead of trusting in Christ.

Paul stands in stark contrast to the way we tend to operate. In his letters to the Corinthian church, Paul gives us his vision for courageous, gospel-centered ministry — the kind of ministry that finds strength even in the midst of weakness. I believe there are at least four ways the simple gospel message shapes our goals for children’s ministry, and we can see each of them present in Paul’s description of his own ministry in 1 Corinthians 1:31–2:5.

First, the gospel seasons our hospitality with humility; we don’t come to children with lofty speech but with humble and full hearts, boasting only in the Lord.

Second, the gospel centers our teaching on Jesus Christ and him crucified. All else pales in comparison to the central place of this message.

Third, the gospel forms our discipleship; we’re intentional about training children, and we have confidence that the Spirit’s goal is to grow kids in conformity with Christ’s story.

Finally, the gospel fuels our mission so that the next generation’s faith does not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.

Some people today question whether or not having an age-graded children’s ministry is even needed. Why do you think it’s still important?

It’s true. Some church leaders have decided that children’s ministry programming is no longer necessary. Their desire is to empower parents as disciple-makers and also to help kids build relationships with people of all ages in the church. These are good and biblical desires, but there are downsides to eliminating children’s ministry from the church calendar. Kids trained from an early age might pull off sitting through a long sermon without rolling matchbox cars down the wooden pews, but will unchurched visitors and new believers be as successful?

Think about it. Why should we have young children sit all the way through a sermon they don’t understand? As we pursue ways to help children experience intergenerational church life, we also need ministry approaches that remember kids from unbelieving homes and that capitalize on the pedagogical advantage of age-directed lessons. Even within the Bible, there seem to be some parts — Song of Songs, for example — that should be taught publicly (2 Tim. 3:16–17) but seem to be reserved for adults and older teens, not for younger children (Song 8:4). Other parts of the Bible, such as Proverbs, are geared toward youth (Prov. 1:8; cf. Ps. 119:9–16)!

We have to keep our priorities in order. The church’s goal in discipling the next generation is not to train kids so they can sit quietly through church services. Our goal is for them to hear about the Savior and, by God’s grace, be changed by him.

In the book, you say that children’s ministry is like PBS Kids®. What do you mean?

Once I was addressing a seminary class about how to create kid-friendly and engaging children’s ministry games. One of the students objected, “That sounds like something you’d see on the children’s cable channel, Nickelodeon. Is this just keeping kids entertained?” It was a good question. After all, I think the game in question did involve slime.

Sometimes with kids’ activities there is an entertainment factor, but now that I’ve had some time to reflect on that student’s question, I’d say (and I did say in the book!) that children’s ministry activities aren’t like Nickelodeon; they’re more like PBS Kids. There’s a goal in mind with a children’s lesson that is larger than entertainment alone — one that is bigger than selling a product or a character. Like the interactive exhibits at a children’s museum or the skits on Sesame Street, children’s ministry is an experience, but it’s an experience with an educational and relational aim. Dave Ainsworth, one of the pastors at Citizens Church in San Francisco, puts it this way: “Children’s ministry done well leads kids to learn about Jesus through hands-on, real-life, engaging discovery.”

What does the biblical storyline teach us about kids? How should we view our children’s ministry in light of the big story of redemptive history?

We can summarize the gospel story as a fourfold movement: creation, fall, redemption, and consummation. And each part teaches us about children’s ministry.

First, we discover that God created children for himself. Kids are fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps. 139:14). Their lives are imbued with the glory of a universe that reflects God’s beauty; they’ve been endowed with imagination and an ability to think and know. A child’s life has value because he or she is made in God’s image (Gen. 1:26–27). Children’s ministries, as a result, should emphasize safety and child protection. We protect kids because they have dignity; they’re worth it. Moreover, as image-bearers, children are also made for worship. From childhood, every human is fashioned for giving praise, so we engage kids in singing and hand motions. We teach them from their earliest days that they are made to worship their Creator.

Second, our children are fallen and sinful. They inhabit a world marred by sin, abuse, suffering, and death; they feel its pain. You’ve probably seen that children’s program where the wooly mammoth, vampire, monsters, aliens, and an overgrown canary have all invaded a side street in Manhattan. In his brilliance, Jim Henson took some of our greatest fears and made them cute and educational. The child-friendly terrors that live together on Sesame Street should remind us of the hidden reality of childhood.

Children are glorious and beautiful gifts from God and yet within each child — behind the cuteness — there’s a fallen heart that’s twisted from the moment of conception. Even kids exchange delight in God’s glory for delight in the pleasures of the moment (Rom. 1:21; 3:23). There is a battle for affections going on in kids’ hearts, and our classroom management strategies must be aware of this reality. Yes, children need comfort, care, and a healing touch. But they also need honest correction, because it’s only when kids see the terror of their sin that they’ll see their need for redemption.

Third, redemption comes for children through Jesus. Remember, Jesus himself said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the kingdom of heaven belongs to those who are like these children” (Matt. 19:14 NLT). Jesus’s rebuke of his friends who would’ve kept kids at a distance should inspire us to include children in the life of our church communities. And his welcome of children should encourage us to call even the youngest children to faith.

Finally, in light of the coming consummation, our children are potential brothers and sisters in Christ. When we get to glory, the most enduring relational reality will be our relationship to the Savior (Matt. 22:30). To be embraced by God’s redemption is to be adopted as God’s child, gaining a new identity, which transcends every earthly status and relationship. Rob Plummer describes it this way: “If our children stand beside us in eternity, it will not be as our children but as our blood-redeemed brothers and sisters (Rev. 7:9–12).” But if our children are going to join us as brothers and sisters in glory, they must hear the gospel now.

Children need us to help them to look outside of themselves to the salvation Jesus offers. When we teach Christ-centered lessons and practice child evangelism, we’re helping each child see that Christ is his or her only hope.

What do Christians need to know about child sex trafficking?

By Marie Delph / Feb 9

It’s tragic that we live in a world that includes human trafficking of any kind, but especially child sex trafficking. Children are some of the most vulnerable among us and should be cherished, protected, and nurtured. But the reality is that many are being abused and exploited by predators and are in need of help. Thankfully, God is raising up people and organizations dedicated to ending sex trafficking and supporting victims. Gretchen Smeltzer started Into the Light with these goals and shares below how Christians can join this mission.

Elizabeth Bristow: Gretchen, tell our readers more about Into the Light, a nonprofit organization you started in 2015 to end sex trafficking and bring hope to survivors. How did it begin?

Gretchen Smeltzer: Into the Light began as God broke the hearts of followers of Jesus over the issue of child sex trafficking and then brought them together to a small town in Arkansas. None of us were survivors of sex trafficking or had previous experience working with trafficking victims. However, we were willing to learn how we could be effective in identifying victims and providing them with the support they needed to overcome this evil atrocity.

We began by praying. Our founding board spent many nights on our knees together. We spent a great deal of time researching the need in our local community and state. After speaking with those in law enforcement who worked with victims, we learned residential care for victims was a great need. Believing God was leading us to open a home where survivors could begin the process of healing, we began communicating our vision to the public. God used this season to teach us what it looked like to provide trauma-informed care for victims. Then God revealed to us that we could connect with child trafficking victims in Juvenile Detention Centers. Through a partnership with Traffick911, we were able to launch prevention programs in four Arkansas Juvenile Detention Centers in 2016. Our prevention teams engaged weekly with trafficking victims who were hidden in plain sight under other charges.

God taught us that we could offer places of refuge by offering a listening ear, believing a child’s story, and communicating God’s unconditional love. Our prevention program connected with hundreds of victims in the Juvenile Detention Centers. By 2017, we could see that victims needed ongoing safe community, trauma-informed advocacy, and life-skills mentorship. Into the Light received a grant to provide long-term advocacy and mentorship to victims of trafficking. Each year, this program continues to grow. We have six full-time advocates who serve 16 counties in Arkansas. In 2021, our organization supported 165 victims. Our services include:

Crisis intervention
Safety planning for newly identified victims of trafficking
24/7 crisis line to offer support to all of our current clients
Court, legal, and law enforcement advocacy
Mental health needs
Transportation and housing assistance
Long-term mentorship to assist in building a life after trafficking

The basis of what we do at Into the Light is modeled after what God requires of us from Micah 6:8. We seek justice for victims, we share his mercy, and we seek to walk humbly with God in all that we do.

EB: What do Christians need to know about the issue of child sex trafficking?

GS: It is happening to children attending our churches, schools, and living in our neighborhoods. Readers may want to stop reading at this point because that is just way too scary to think about. Christians, please don’t! Who has more hope that God can bring beauty from ashes than followers of Jesus Christ? This is what our God does, right? Christians don’t need to live in fear of human trafficking. While it is dark, this is why Jesus came. Into the Light gets its name from John 1:5. The Light (Jesus Christ) shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Ending the trafficking of children is God’s heart. We can have great confidence in our God, our protector and defender — that he will equip believers to face the darkness no matter how dark or dangerous it may seem. While no one enjoys thinking about children being trafficked in their own community, we must. If no one thinks through this difficult issue and creates collaborative ways to end child trafficking, then it will continue.

EB: Like you said, many people are unaware that this horrendous issue happens in our own communities. Can you give our readers a snapshot of this reality?

GS: It is important to understand that anyone can be a victim of trafficking. Trafficking happens to both girls and boys, however a higher percentage of trafficking is reported by females. Trafficking is the exploitation of vulnerabilities, and children are innately vulnerable. They are naïve and don’t always understand the manipulation, power, and control methods used by adults. Most of the time a child is sold for sex by someone they know. Traffickers are most frequently an older male or female whom the child thinks they can trust, a family member or close family friend, and/or an individual posing as a boyfriend/girlfriend. Children involved in social services and runaway and homeless youth pose the highest risks of being trafficked. When someone lacks basic needs like food, clothing, and shelter, traffickers can offer to meet these with the goal of exploiting a child for their financial gain. Common red flags for youth include:

Suddenly becoming detached from family and friends;
Contradicting personal information about their living and work locations and conditions;
Not being allowed to take adequate breaks for food or water while at work;
Recruited for a different work than they are currently doing or has a debt to an employer or recruiter that they cannot pay off;
Noticeable change in their appearance or material goods without being able to explain where they received the resources to pay for the goods;
Shows signs of physical or sexual abuse; appears fearful, anxious, depressed, overly submissive, and avoids eye contact;
Suffers from substance abuse problems or sexually transmitted diseases;
Sudden presence of or older “boyfriend,” “girlfriend,” or “friend.”

EB: How have you witnessed God bring beauty from ashes this last year through the work of Into the Light? Can you share some stories of success you’ve seen as an organization?

GS: This last year, our partnerships deepened with law enforcement and social services. This has led to intervention for many children being trafficked. We have witnessed very brave children share their trafficking experience with law enforcement and prosecutors. We have seen survivors grow into young adults and overcome great trauma to pursue dreams and goals for their lives.

A few months ago, I had the privilege of standing with a former client, now dear sister in Christ, who shared her story of being trafficked but then rescued from a hotel by one of our advocates and law enforcement. She bravely and confidently shared how God had been with her through all of her darkest moments and how he had been her light and was helping her overcome her past. Survivors do the hard work of battling every day to overcome what the enemy has stolen from them. Even though it is difficult at times, our advocates know it is such a privilege to walk alongside these brave children and young adults. Some days, there are great successes, and sometimes there are great struggles. But God is faithful in it all.

EB: What should our churches know about supporting victims of sex trafficking?

GS: It’s important for churches to understand that victims of human trafficking often have complex trauma. This occurs when a person is victimized multiple times. Healing and wholeness will not happen overnight. As humans who are loving and supporting others, we often want people to heal and be changed quickly. Christians called to share God’s unconditional love and mercy with victims of human trafficking must know there are no quick fixes. However, God is faithful and will redeem what the enemy has stolen and teach us about his unconditional love and mercy along the way. And the Holy Spirit will give us wisdom and guidance on how to care for each person individually.

EB: How would you encourage a pastor to help stir up the hearts of his flock to care for the vulnerable?

GS: A pastor could focus on studying Psalm 10 and Micah 6:8, allowing the Spirit to lead him on what his church body needs to hear from these scriptures. I would encourage a pastor to lead his flock in a focused month of prayer for victims of human trafficking in their own community, nation, and world. Before the time of prayer, a pastor could educate the body of believers on the issue of human trafficking. The prayer time could be focused on asking God to reveal how human trafficking is happening in their own community, wisdom and clarity to see victims, and that God would give them the compassion and perseverance to show the love of Christ to victims. Through prayer, God will be faithful to stir the hearts of those in the body who are called to end human trafficking.

Those in church leadership, counseling, and shepherding roles should all be trained on understanding and identifying human trafficking and how it happens in their community. Most likely they have already encountered a victim of human trafficking and were unaware. In the last nine years, I have been a part of two churches, both in small, Southern towns, and have met survivors or victims attending. Thankfully, there is wonderful training easily accessible online. Shared Hope International has a Faith in Action toolkit to help church leaders share about the need to address human trafficking and learn how to equip believers to impact their communities.

EB: For anyone who has been stirred to action to help victims in their communities, what are the next steps?

GS: Pray and then look in your own community to see if there are any organizations or initiatives that are currently serving victims of human trafficking. Ask how you can support their efforts. Ask to meet with the volunteer coordinator or someone in leadership and share how God has stirred your heart. Then be willing to serve in any way. Lastly, be patient. It takes time to learn how to effectively support victims of trafficking. Allow those working with victims to slowly teach you. Don’t expect an opportunity to begin serving victims if you don’t have any previous experience.

If you can’t find local programs that support victims, I would suggest praying about how you can partner with local social services to support victims. Reach out to the department of child and family services or juvenile services, and tell them you have a heart to serve victims of trafficking. Ask them what the needs are for trafficking victims in your community and how you could support them. God may even lead you to start a new initiative in your community to help love and support victims.

EB: It would be easy for many of us to turn away from the horrors of sex trafficking. What’s at stake if we do?

GS: To be completely honest, lives are at stake. Victims of human trafficking have a much lower life expectancy due to the dangerous nature of living such an oppressed life. Many victims of trafficking die from drug overdoses, suicide, diseases, and homicide. Ignoring the issue also continues to allow this to be a normal part of our culture. Unfortunately, it is acceptable to pay for sex in our culture. If there wasn’t a demand for sex or free labor, then traffickers would not sell and exploit victims. Trafficking happens because at its core, it is a business model. Traffickers exploit humans for their financial gain.

We must not turn a blind eye because all people are created in God’s image. Most importantly, if Christians turn away from the horrors of trafficking we are being disobedient to what God has asked of us to seek justice, show mercy, and humbly walk with him. Not everyone is called to the frontlines, but all of us are called to love God and love our neighbor. We can all pray for victims to be seen and receive the support they need to overcome what they have been through.

EB: How can Christians learn more about these issues?

G: You can start with researching about the issue online. There are many excellent resources. Sharedhope.org, Polarisproject.org, and www.dhs.gov/blue-campaign all have excellent free education online.

Explainer: HHS rescinds waivers that protect religious freedom

By Marie Delph / Nov 19

On Nov. 18, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS), through the Administration for Children and Families (ACF) and Office for Civil Rights (OCR), announced the rescission of waivers issued by the Trump administration that protect the religious freedom and consciences of millions of Americans. Notably, HHS is rescinding waivers given to South Carolina, Texas, and Michigan, including child welfare agencies in those states.

Why does this matter?

This action is deeply troubling for faith-based organizations and people who serve communities in their states according to their religious beliefs. The waivers granted to these states protect the religious freedom of faith-based groups serving vulnerable children.

We need more organizations serving children in foster care, not less. There are currently 423,997 children in the U.S. foster care system, and that number is likely going to continue to increase due to the COVID-19 pandemic and its affect on families. At a time when children need safe, permanent, and loving homes, the government should be ensuring that more providers can serve.

One of the states whose waiver is being rescinded by HHS is South Carolina, and this action will impact an organization entitled Miracle HIll.

Miracle Hill Waiver

In 2019 under the Trump administration, the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) announced a religious liberty waiver for South Carolina’s faith-based organizations following a request from South Carolina Gov. McMaster. The governor made the request when one such organization, Miracle Hill Ministries, was in danger of losing its funding because of an Obama-era regulation that applied to all HHS grantees.

For almost 30 years, Miracle Hill served all foster children of any race, nationality, religious belief, sex, disability, or political belief and was responsible for finding good placements for 15% of the over 4,500 children in the South Carolina foster care system. Miracle Hill is clear that its sincerely held religious beliefs are what motivate their work in caring for the needy and vulnerable. They view their foster care services as direct obedience to the biblical directive to care for vulnerable children.

This waiver, based on the Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA), granted protections for faith-based organizations in South Carolina and allowed them to continue receiving federal funding without compromising their religious principles and convictions.

Fulton v. City of Philadelphia

In June, the Supreme Court unanimously ruled in Fulton v. City of Philadelphia that faith-based foster care and adoption providers, such as Catholic Social Services in Philadelphia, can continue serving children and families according to their convictions. In the Fulton decision, the court strengthened and clarified the Free Exercise Clause of the First Amendment.

The basis for the court’s ruling is a clause included in contracts by the City of Philadelphia that give city officials the power to grant certain exemptions. The city government said it has never given out such an exemption and had no intention of providing one to CSS based on their religious beliefs. While the Fulton case set an important precedent for faith-based child welfare providers, there could be lawsuits filed against HHS for this rescission of religious liberty waivers.

Americans have a Constitutional right to religious freedom, and our government must respect the First Amendment and people of faith who serve according to their deeply held religious beliefs.

HHS stated that they would “evaluate religious exemptions and modifications of program requirements on a case-by-case basis.”

How is the ERLC involved?

Brent Leatherwood, ERLC’s Acting President, stated,

“These actions not only prevent faith-based child welfare providers from serving vulnerable children in foster care, but they also reveal an animus toward people of faith. Instead of a government that serves the people, these actions show a government willing to target groups for their beliefs. This has the effect of further eroding trust at a time when government institutions can least afford it. Our public square cannot continue to sustain these sorts of reckless and arbitrary changes that are rooted in political ideology, especially those that punish faith-based adoption agencies and religious organizations. Children in need are the ones who end up suffering because of this unending political warfare. That must stop.”

The ERLC is advocating before the administration on behalf of the faith community. As Leatherwood affirmed, “Every elected official must recognize that religious freedom is a cornerstone of the Constitution. Our government, therefore, has a duty to protect the rights of those who enter the public square with sincerely-held religious beliefs, not assail them. We have communicated our concerns about these moves to the Administration and we will continue advocating on behalf of the faith community on this important matter.”

The ERLC will always promote and defend the human dignity, religious liberty, and conscience rights of all people and religious organizations — within each administration, on Capitol Hill, and throughout the public square. We will continue to work to ensure that vulnerable children in our nation can find safe, permanent, and loving homes.

3 verses to guide our adoption practices this National Adoption Awareness Month

By Marie Delph / Nov 18

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve begun a conversation around adoption with, “Adoption is complex.” And to be honest, the further we have progressed in our journey as an adoptive family, I’ve come to realize how much we still must learn. And yet, although I’ve studied and read many books on adoption, I keep coming back to this question: How does Scripture influence the adoption practices within our family?

So today, I want to share three verses I’ve been meditating on that I believe correlate with good adoption practices.

Stay away from “savior” mentality and language

Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

It is no secret that Christians are called to serve their communities, those in the margins, and those without families (specifically orphans and widows). These practices and loving our neighbor are nonnegotiables for the Christian life. However, our service should not center us as the heroes in our stories, nor should our own interests be disguised as “service” to others. Rather, in humility, we value others and their needs above ourselves.

The same can be said for adoptive families. There are many families who are motivated to adopt because of their faith, and yet we should never allow a savior mentality to seep in. Adoptive parents and social workers are not heroes. We are not our children’s saviors. Our world only needs one savior, and his name is Jesus. And so we actively fight against the savior narrative not only in adoption, but in any ministry where we’re serving others. And in adoption, we always remember that the goal is to find a safe and loving family for every child. Adoption doesn’t exist to serve families; it exists to meet the needs of children.

Embrace a both/and life

Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

One of the most helpful things you can do as an adoptive family is to not sugarcoat or ignore the hard parts of your family’s or child’s story. The truth is, as many have stated, adoption is birthed from brokenness. It simply would not exist without it. So naively saying that “adoption is beautiful” without acknowledging that heartache and trauma that caused it, isn’t looking at the whole picture.

As believers, we don’t have to sugarcoat the brokenness in our world because we know that sin, heartache, and brokenness exist; this is why our world so desperately needs a Savior. We can make space for the pain and heartache in our stories because we trust and know the One who will one day right every wrong.

For the adoptive family, this means we must embrace the both/and nature of our families. We grieve with those who grieve, and we rejoice with those who rejoice. Sure, we celebrate that a child, who otherwise wouldn’t, now has a family. But we also grieve the circumstances that led up to their removal from their first families. I regularly grieve for our children’s birth mothers and how they miss out on the daily joys of seeing just how awesome these kids are. At the same time, I am unbelievably grateful that I get to be the one who kisses our kids boo-boo’s and tucks them in bed at night. One truth doesn’t negate or ignore the other. They both exist in every adoptive family, and it’s a tension that shouldn’t be ignored. Instead, we should hold it with great care and reliance on God.

Honor all people in the adoption triad

1 Peter 2:17: “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”

One way you can ensure that you’re making room for both the hard and good in adoption is to honor and respect all members of the adoption triad. We do this by seeing every person with kingdom eyes. Regardless of how or why our children were removed from their first families, we can honor them by only speaking truthfully and with honor and respect. We love them because God loves them. We pray and believe and hope redemption over them, because we are a people who have tasted and seen the goodness of God.

Another way we honor them is by listening to a wide variety of voices from the adoption triad. This means that regardless of your placement in the adoption triad, you should be respectfully listening to and learning from other members. For adoptive parents, this means we’re learning from both adoptees and first families. And rather than criticizing their perspectives for being different from ours, we welcome their stories as opportunities to look at adoption from a different perspective.

Like I said above, adoption is complex. And yet, it is one of many ways that God provides families for children. So, we allow his Word to guide us. And for those of us who are called to it, we take the time to learn and grow so we can better love and serve our children for the glory of God. May these verses bless your family this National Adoption Awareness Month.

How should I respond if my child sees pornography?

By Marie Delph / Nov 9

How should I respond if my child sees pornography? This is an important question I am asked often as a counselor. For the purpose of this article, however, I want to ask the question in a slightly different way that I feel is more helpful, or at least more accurate, to many parents’ experiences.

“How should I respond when my child sees pornography?”

Instead of if, let’s say when. It’s a slight change but most likely the reason you are reading this article. Reframing the question this way helps you as a parent be prepared for what will likely be your reality as you raise your children in this digital age.

Whether it is an accidental glimpse of an image, a classmate sharing something on their phone, or a curious search on their own phone, laptop, or tablet, your child will likely see porn. Pornography is readily available, and sadly, statistics tell us that the average age of the first exposure to porn is just 11 years old. In most cases, this happens in the child’s own home. As a parent, your response when this happens is very important. In light of that, allow me to offer one more reframe.

When your child sees pornography, instead of considering the situation a crisis, see it is an opportunity to shepherd your child. It may be an opportunity you wish you could avoid and never had, but, like many moments in parenting, this situation can lead you to deeper dependence on the Lord for wisdom, discernment, and grace. Though you may experience many emotions — saddened that your child has been preyed upon by such a wicked industry, scared of how this experience may affect your child, and angry that this is your new reality — I urge you to prayerfully see the chance you have to turn for good what the world means for evil. As a parent, you can use this as a teaching opportunity, a gospel opportunity, and an opportunity for change.

A teaching opportunity

When you find your son or daughter has viewed or was shown pornography, you have an opportunity to teach and guide them biblically about sexuality. Teach them about the sinfulness of our hearts and minds and the need to submit desires to God’s good plan (James 1:14; Psalm 25:4-5).

It’s an opportunity for you to teach your child about their own sexuality and God’s good design for sex. Talking to kids about anything related to sex can be uncomfortable. Often, parents feel unsure of what to say or how much to explain. Sometimes they worry about sharing too much. Other times, they wonder if their kids know more than they realize.

The best way to talk to your kids about sex is to talk early and often. Avoid making the conversation a one-time event. Instead, let these talks be short, intentional, and as often or regular as needed. One-time, event-like talks tend to create an environment where sex is talked about once and never again.

Help them to understand that sex is God’s design, and having an interest or curiosity about the subject doesn’t mean they are bad. It means they are human. Avoid conversations that communicate that sexual interest is bad. Instead guide them in understanding that sex has a God-designed, proper place. Teach them God’s plan for sex within marriage between a husband and a wife; these two things always go together (Hebrews 13:4), and that God sets wise and loving parameters around sex for our good and the good of others.

Instruct them in what it means to honor God with their desires and their bodies — and what it means to honor others’ bodies (1 Cor. 6:20). Teach your child what are appropriate and inappropriate pictures; this includes pictures they see of others or have taken of themselves. It is an opportunity to teach them about the incredible value people have as image-bearers and how we should never use other people — or pictures of them — in ways that do not honor them or the God who made them (Gen. 1:27; Psa. 139:4; Rom. 12:10).

A gospel opportunity

This is also a gospel opportunity. The hope and forgiveness of Christ meets us in our sin, and you have an amazing occasion to bring this gospel to your child when you find out they have viewed pornography. The fact that porn even exists shows just how far our hearts have strayed from the Lord and reminds us of how much we all need Jesus.

Communicate to them that pornography is a sin, and like other sins, it points directly to our need for Jesus. Viewing pornography is not an unforgiveable sin, but it reveals a need for cleansing, and we are all offered that freely in Jesus.

Whether your child saw pornography willingly or accidentally, it is an opportunity for you to remind them of the forgiveness we have in Jesus. People who make or engage in porn can have their sins totally forgiven. And children who curiously explored pornography can also find abundant grace from God when they confess and repent. Remind them of the promise of 1 John 1:9 that says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” The kindness of God is available for all who turn to him.

An opportunity for change

Finally, when your child sees porn, it is also an opportunity for change. As Christian parents, we pray the first and most significant change is spiritual. If your child has not trusted Christ, then a new heart born of his Spirit is their first need. And, if your child is a believer, this is an opportunity for them to draw near to Jesus in places in their lives that may have been kept hidden until now. It opens the door to a new and deeper commitment to repentance and following God in their life. If your child’s relationship with the Lord has been indifferent or superficial, pray for heart change to come about as a result of the discovery or confession of pornography. The Lord uses discoveries like this to draw people out of darkness and into his marvelous, healing light (Psa. 32:3-5; 1 Pet. 2:9).

Christian parents long for God to use situations like this to bring deep internal transformation in the heart of their child. While heart change is the most important goal, finding out your child has viewed porn is also an opportunity to make needed external change.

Consider this as an opportunity to begin evaluating or implementing family parameters around screen use. Is your home internet service secured with protection and filtering against pornographic content? Consider installing software to help secure your network and devices (Some examples include Covenant Eyes or Circle.).

Other needed changes may be where your child uses their Wi-Fi-enabled devices and how much time they are allowed to spend on them. Educate yourself on what are healthy limits, and start implementing them. There are websites and agencies designed to help parents navigate this. The Federal Communications Commission and other government agencies have valuable resources to help parents keep kids safe and guide them in setting reasonable limits.

You can also pick up a copy of two small books I have written for parents on the topics of sex and screens. Raising Teens in a Hyper-Sexualized World helps parents of elementary, preteens, and teens have conversations about the messages of sex that bombard kids today. Raising Kids in a Screen-Saturated World provides helpful tips for bringing wise and managable balance to screen use.

But finally, when you find yourself asking the questions, “What should I do when my child sees porn,” remember: it is an opportunity for you to lean more desperately on the Lord as you parent. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, even when your heart is discouraged, afraid, or confused. Don’t lean on your own understanding, but prayerfully seek him for guidance, and he will direct your path (Prov. 3:5-6).

God can redeem even the most heartbreaking situations and use them for good. Look to him, and prayerfully depend on him as you use this situation as a teaching opportunity, a gospel opportunity, and an opportunity for change.

How do you respond when the worst-case scenario is real?

By Marie Delph / Oct 12

Over the last couple of years, many of a pastor’s worst fears have shown up on the front porch of our churches — conducting funerals for multiple church members who have lost their lives because of a terrible disease and losing other church members due to a convictional stand or a difficult policy decision. Many pastors who believed their positions were secure now worry about losing their jobs.

Depending on your countenance, you may be more or less prone to fear the worst-case scenario. If you’re a mental prepper — you know, the kind of person for whom giving into anxiety and fear is more of a temptation — you’ve probably played out the situations in your mind. But if you’re less prone to or acquainted with fear, your body, mind, and soul may not understand how to respond.

My wife, Kaitlyn, fits the first category. She plays out the scenarios in her mind, down to the smallest details. I tend to shrug things off as unlikely, and I’ve tended to view fear as an enemy of the human experience.

It’s all fine until the situation is real

In the midst of all of the other pressures of pastoral ministry, Kaitlyn and I have been longing for more children. And expanding our family hasn’t been a quick and easy journey.

When we find out we are pregnant, the joy is uncontrollable. After praying month after month, we feel like God has finally answered our prayers. Given my wiring, I can live with daily joy and excitement without even the slightest reservations about having a child. Kaitlyn’s joy comes mixed with hesitation. She can’t help but think about the worst possibilities.

The worst-possible scenario for us was a doctor telling us that our child — the child we’d begged God for — had miscarried. Then it happened. The hardest day imaginable was harder than anything fear could have prepared us for.

What do you do when your worst possible fear comes true? How do you respond?

We grieved, and we grieved hard. Friends and family loved us well. People in our lives taught us how to lament and cry out to the Lord in our pain. But days after that doctor’s visit, when Kaitlyn and I were processing what had happened, she spoke what has been a life-altering statement for me. She said, “You know, this is the worst possible scenario I could have imagined, but I’m here, and we are okay.”

Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Even in experiencing hell on earth, God gave us his sustaining presence. Kaitlyn’s heart and emotions said, “Yes, I always fear the worst. Now I’m here, and it hurts. But God is here, too.” God’s unique wiring in my wife, which I can be tempted to be adverse toward, was the gift I needed to endure in this season. Her ability to see the brokenness of the world before the shards of pain got to us was the Lord’s providence in our life to give us hope.

We’re embracing hope in the Lord, but that doesn’t mean our circumstances aren’t still hard. It’s incredibly hard. Our story has not been wrapped up with a neat little bow. Since that doctor’s visit, there have been more doctor’s visits and procedures. We continue to trust the Lord about our family, but losing our child has honestly stirred up more fears.

Yet Christ has used suffering to produce hope in us amidst the fear. Sure, we know that more fear will come. Before this life is through, more worst-case scenarios will show up on our front porch. We will suffer loss. We will experience hurt. The hope we have is not wishful thinking nor blind optimism. Our hope instead is rooted in Christ’s sustaining presence. I’m grateful he has used this particular suffering to produce hope in us now and, I pray, again when future difficulties arise.

What about you?

You may have lost someone to an illness, or you might have lost a job. Like us, you may have endured a miscarriage — unable to bring the child you longed for home. There are no simple answers to grief. Everyone grieves differently, because everyone’s story — everyone’s griefs — are different. But know that in your grief, God is with you.

Maybe you are prone to fear, play out all of the worst-case scenarios, and try your best to avoid them. Or maybe you’re feeling paralyzed due to the weight of difficult circumstances that you never foresaw. Wherever you are, there’s hope in Jesus. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted. Call upon him in the midst of your fears, amid your difficult circumstances. Let the hope you have in the Lord and his sustaining grace carry you through.

Report highlights sexual abuse of children in France by the Catholic Church

By Marie Delph / Oct 8

Clergy and laypersons within the Catholic Church in France sexually abused hundreds of thousands of minors over the past seven decades, according to a report published on Tuesday by an independent commission. The commission concluded the problem in the French church was far more pervasive and systematic than previously known. According to their findings, “The Catholic Church is the place where the prevalence of sexual violence is at its highest, other than in family and friend circles.”

How many victims were uncovered by the report?

The commission that produced the report identified around 2,700 victims through a call for testimony, and thousands more were found in the Church archives.

But the report estimates a total of 330,000 victims. Out of that number, an estimated 216,000 people (65%) were abused by priests and other clerics. The remaining 35% of victims — an estimated 114,000 — were abused by other church figures, such as scout leaders or camp counselors.

The estimates are based on a broader research by France’s National Institute of Health and Medical Research into sexual abuse of children in the country.

What is the period the abuses occurred?

The report covered a span of 70 years, from 1950 to around 2018. The height of the abuse was 1950–1970; 1970-1990 was a period in which the abuse appeared to decline, and the early 1990s marked an apparent resurgence.

Who were the perpetrators of the abuse?

According to the commission, there have been around 2,900–3,200 suspected pedophiles in the French church over the last 70 years. This group included priests, nuns, monks, deacons, Boy Scout leaders, and parochial school staff.

Cases of abuse occurred primarily in areas of low religious practice, where there was less oversight of the clergy.

Who were the victims of the abuse?

Most of the victims were boys between the ages of 10 and 13. The study’s authors estimate 80% of the church’s victims were boys, while the broader study of sexual abuse found that 75% of the overall victims were girls.

Based on previous studies of French society, about 14.5 % of women and 6.4% of men suffered from sexual violence in their childhood. Acts of sexual violence committed by clerics, monks, or nuns represent just under 4% of this total. Those committed by persons connected to the Catholic Church (including laypersons) represents 6% of the total.

Who produced the report?

The report was produced by the Independent Commission on Sexual Abuse in the Church (CIASE), a 21-member commission established by Catholic bishops in France at the end of 2018. The commission worked independently from the church in conducting their investigation and creating the report. No clergy from the Catholic Church served on the commission.

Data collection was organized by three research teams, and hearings and interviews were conducted by the members of the CIASE.

What was recommended that the Catholic Church do in response?

Over the greater part of the period studied by the CIASE, its observations show that the Catholic Church’s attitude could be summarized as “one of concealment, relativization or even denial, with only a very recent recognition, dating from 2015, and even then, unequally accepted by dioceses and religious institutions.”

The CIASE presented 45 recommendations in their report, which cover a broad spectrum ranging from listening to victims, reforming canon law, recognizing crimes committed, and providing reparations for the harms inflicted. It also makes suggestions regarding church governance, the training of clergy, the prevention of sex abuse, and dealing with the perpetrators.

The report also encouraged French bishops to consider the ordination of married men and to give “a far greater presence of laypersons in general, and women in particular” in the church’s deciding bodies.

Earlier this year Pope Francis issued the most extensive revision to Catholic Church law in four decades, insisting that bishops take action against clerics who abuse minors and vulnerable adults.

How to approach parenting with wisdom, grit, and gospel focus

By Marie Delph / Sep 23

“Parenting isn’t for wimps.” That’s how Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins open their book, Full Circle Parenting: A Guide for Crucial Conversations. In the chapters that follow, they show you why. But more importantly, they show you how to approach parenting with wisdom, grit, and gospel focus.

They do so with the recognition that “Christian parents have to have rock-ribbed convictions, nerves of steel, tender hearts, and open arms—all accompanied by a fantastic poker face” (3). This sort of honesty is refreshing, because when it comes to books on parenting, all too often we’re met with content that is laughably formulaic. A three-step strategy that offers a fast track to turning your child into a Christian, an honor-role student, and homecoming king is sure to sell copies. The only downside: it’s never that simple.

Not only that, but in the publishing world it’s mystifyingly easy to find marriage books written by near-newlyweds, or parenting books from authors who are looking forward to their child’s upcoming graduation — from kindergarten. Instead, the best sorts of books in this vein are from those who are further along and offering wisdom that only comes from experience and tempering. Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins offer precisely this sort of wisdom, and, frankly, are precisely the kind of parents I would want to emulate myself.

Over the course of the book, the authors work through a series of topics that will be of use to any parent: sexuality, technology, peer pressure, realities of substance abuse, bullying, and how to have challenging conversations. Throughout these topics, several things in particular stand out.

Full-Circle Parenting is realistic

Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins provide a remarkably clear-eyed view of the challenges that come with parenting, particularly in chapter two, which lays out a Christian vision for parenting, and chapter three, which outlines how children themselves are complex. Throughout, the authors explain how sin warps both parents and children. Children, for example, are going to act in stupefyingly inconsistent ways — even “good” kids. Like the pediatrician reassuring the anxious young parents, “Oh, that cough you heard is completely normal and you needn’t worry,” Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins remind us what we should expect when we approach parenting.

Full-Circle Parenting is gospel-focused

Additionally, Full-Circle Parenting moves beyond a vision of what’s to be expected, to how we may address each of these topics in the context of the gospel. Each of the subjects the authors cover are placed in the context of the 3 Circles tool — which traces God’s design for our lives, the sin which leads to brokenness in our lives, and the remedy of repentance and belief in the gospel that allows us to recover and pursue God’s original design. This tool, originally conceived as a tool for evangelism and gospel presentation, is endlessly helpful when applied to issues of parenting and the Christian life as well. These aren’t “Jesus bits” tacked on at the end of a chapter but rather than main thread that weaves together everything the authors say on a given topic. Grounding each one in the context of God’s design, sin, repentance, and flourishing is not only helpful and practical but exactly what a Christian book should be.

Full-Circle Parenting is timeless

Thankfully, this book does not provide granular advice on how to block harmful websites or how to utilize particular apps to track location or whatever the case may be. As necessary as this sort of information is, these technologies move far faster than the publishing industry does. Instead, Full-Circle Parenting writes from a decidedly 21st-century context, but one that speaks to issues in ways that will be still be relevant 10 and 20 years from now. Instead of, for example, providing a specific age and kind of phone to provide to one’s children, the authors talk about the principles dictating how they use phones, who is responsible for them, how we should think about technology, and how we can model what we prioritize in our own lives. This kind of counsel does not suffer from an expiration date.

Full-Circle Parenting is practical

Perhaps the most noteworthy element of Full-Circle Parenting is just how endlessly practical it is. Throughout the book, there are sample conversations of how to address situations with one’s children and scripts to give to children to help them navigate difficult conversations. There are innovative ideas, like “sibling time” in chapter seven, which details specific ways Jimmy and Kristin have sought to create a culture of togetherness and friendship within their family. There are candid admissions about how they counsel their children to deal with peer pressure and bullies. Most importantly, there are gospel principles throughout which will continually remind readers of the foundational issue (and solution) behind every problem.

In all, Full-Circle Parenting succeeds most notably in providing an honest and compelling vision of what it takes to parent faithfully: both gospel and grit. It focuses on the importance of creating an environment where families can thrive, modeling a life that children can emulate, and providing a tool that parents in all life stages can use to think clearly and biblically about how to shepherd their children faithfully and point them to the gospel. Parents should read it; pastors should stock their shelves with it; and churches should give it away regularly.

One of things on social media I regularly enjoy is when Jimmy Scroggins posts video clips of athletic coaches talking about discipline, strategy, effectiveness, skill development, and growth, or any number of issues. When he does, he often adds a single line of commentary above: “Pastors should learn from coaches.” In their new book, however, Jimmy and Kristin Scroggins are themselves the coaches — outstanding ones we should all learn from.

Tag: Child