A Vision for a Pro-Family World
By / Jan 3

The post-Roe world we live in is a fulfillment of the faithful work of pro-life advocates for 50 years. While there is certainly more work to be done to end abortion in all 50 states, it is a moment for celebration. Just as abortion existed before Roe v. Wade tragically made it legal, the pro-life movement faces an abortion industry committed to furthering a regime that ends life at all costs, with “abortion tourism” and the abortion pill making it easier than ever to evade bans and restrictions in the United States.

With that in mind, in addition to making abortion illegal, we must turn our focus to serving and supporting families. Messengers of the Southern Baptist Convention committed to “partnering with local, state, and federal governments to enact pro-life and pro-family policies that serve and support vulnerable women, children, and families” in order to “eliminate any perceived need for the horror of abortion,” during its annual meeting in June 2022.1 Our goal is not just for abortion to be illegal but for it to be viewed as an unthinkable act of cruelty by all of our neighbors and for our nation to truly embody a culture of life.

A scriptural foundation

God has spoken clearly throughout Scripture: Every human being is created in the image of God and possesses immeasurable dignity and worth; Every aspect of his design for human life in accordance with his will is good (Gen. 1:26-30). In the beginning, we see the institution of marriage—one man and one woman for life—as something that God creates for our good (Gen. 2). The married couple is then instructed to bear fruit and multiply as part of God’s plan for their flourishing (Gen 1:28; Ps. 127:3). 

The biblical framework for the nuclear family is a desirable end, and the good work of protecting and promoting the family in all its biblical forms is central to the ethic, life, and mission of the church. Local churches—and the parents, teachers, counselors, and foster care and adoptive families within them—walk alongside couples through difficult times, aid in the discipleship of their children, and help bring healing to broken families and hope to forgotten children. 

This pro-family work is invaluable and an essential part of our calling individually and collectively. Even as culture changes, Southern Baptists must remain committed to advancing a distinctly Christian vision for the family in the public square and safeguarding the integrity of this crucial biblical institution for the good of our neighbor.

Current realities

As a nation, our policies incentivize what we want more of and disincentivize what we want less of. The allocation of resources, as well as how we structure our tax code, reveal where our national priorities lie. Currently, many of our policies economically disincentivize marriage.2 Similarly, our laws make abortion incredibly less difficult and less expensive than adoption. According to Planned Parenthood, the cost of an abortion is generally less than $750.3 Meanwhile, the average cost of an adoption can run between $20,000–$50,000.4 Little has been done to combat the soaring costs of childcare, housing, food, and other necessities that greatly affect families. Due to inflation, it is estimated that raising a child through high school now costs approximately $300,000.5 Moreover, financial insecurity is cited by 73% of women who choose to have an abortion as the primary driver of their choice.6

For Christians, these realities should represent a sobering challenge. If we truly value life, family, and marriage, then we should advocate for laws that do the same, thereby making it easier for citizens of our country to choose these good things. While we will continue to work relentlessly through policy and law to make abortion illegal across the country, that simply is not enough. To create a culture of life, we must also redouble our efforts to holistically care for women and families in times of crisis and prioritize support for the flourishing of families. 

A vision for a pro-family world

As part of that commitment to bolstering the institution of the family, we should advocate for creative and responsible policies that remove unnecessary legal or economic roadblocks to marriage, ensure families—with an emphasis on abortion-vulnerable women—have the resources to parent their children, and promote full participation of both parents in the raising of children. Though the state can never be a replacement for the vital work of the church in supporting families, it is an important component that cannot be ignored (Rom. 13). 

In the post-Dobbs world, there has been growing support among lawmakers from both parties to do more to support women in crisis and families. Additionally, House Republican Leader Kevin McCarthy indicated that if Republicans retook the House in November—which they did by a narrow margin—their pro-family framework would be a legislative priority.7 There is much to still be debated on which of these policies are best and which can find the necessary bipartisan support to become law, but it is encouraging that many members of Congress are beginning to recognize a need for programs that support families and are thinking creatively on how best to do that. 

As we consider these proposals, the ERLC will advocate for policy changes that strengthen families and marriages, promote the well-being of children, recognize the dignity of work, and wisely steward financial resources. To that end, we would strongly encourage lawmakers to develop policies in the following areas that would vastly improve the ability to raise a child and ensure families can flourish: 

  • Legislation that provides abortion-vulnerable women with information about all of their options and avenues for support, countering the false notion that abortion is their only choice. 
  • Policies that protect pregnant women in the workplace and allow them to safely continue providing for their families throughout pregnancy. 
  • Policies that bolster the important work of pregnancy resource centers and fund them to care for women in need. 
  • Policies that eliminate tax code discrimination against the traditional family and reduce the onerous tax burden on families with children. 
  • Strategic aid programs targeted to low-income mothers and families that stimulate economic stability and independence, sparking sustainable, communal financial growth trends while also ensuring that the necessary resources are available around the birth of a child. 
  • Adoption of policies that provide a baseline of security for new families to bond with their children without economic harm. 
  • Collaborative partnerships between civil society and government that bolster social support and increase excellence, availability, and affordability in maternal healthcare and childcare without trampling on conscience rights. 
  • And policies that make adoption more affordable and accessible. 

We long for a world where a woman experiencing an unplanned pregnancy would have such overwhelming support from her community, that she feels confident that she can keep and raise her child. We desire for our nation’s laws to incentivize family formation and prioritize using our resources to support families. Ultimately, we seek justice and flourishing for our neighbors so that they may see and seek the joy, fulfillment, and eternal life only found in Christ. Public policy that prioritizes the family serves that end and is an essential piece in creating a culture that truly values life.

View the latest issue of Light magazine here.

Explainer: New wave of pro-family policies is an encouraging trend in the pro-life movement
By / Aug 4

A common critique of the pro-life movement has been that it only cares about preborn lives up until birth, not after, nor does it care about their mothers and families. Although this criticism is largely unfounded, as evidenced by the number of pregnancy resource centers operating around the country, adoptions by people of faith, and disproportionate support for foster care, detractors of the pro-life movement have often focused in on a seeming lack of support for public policy solutions that actively aid families, resource low-income individuals, and provide help to mothers in crisis. However, in the wake of the Dobbs decision, a growing coalition of legislators and pro-life supporters have taken an increased interest in these very types of policies. 

Financial insecurity is cited by 73% of women who choose to have an abortion as the primary driver of their choice. For Christians, that statistic should represent a sobering challenge. While we will continue to work relentlessly through policy and law to make abortion illegal across the country, that simply is not enough. We must also redouble our efforts to make abortion unthinkable to a woman in crisis because of the abundance of support and resources available to her. 

In light of that, this surge of policy proposals working to address this very issue is worth celebrating as we seek to establish a culture of life that wraps around women and families and provides the resources and support needed for them to flourish.

A biblical foundation for supporting families

God has spoken clearly throughout Scripture to the value and dignity of every human being as created in the image of God and to the goodness of his design for every aspect of human life in accordance with his will (Gen. 1:26-30; Matt. 19:4; Luke 12:22–31; 2 Cor. 5:17-21; 1 Pet. 1:13-16). Early on in Scripture, we see the foundation of the institution of marriage—one man and one woman for life—as something that God creates for our good (Gen. 2). The married couple is then instructed to bear fruit and multiply as part of God’s plan for their flourishing (Gen 1:28; Ps. 127:3). 

The biblical framework for the nuclear family is a desirable end and moral imperative, and the good work of protecting and celebrating the family in all its biblical forms is central to the ethic, life, and mission of the church. The work of local churches, parents, teachers, counselors, and foster care and adoptive families who walk alongside couples through difficult times, disciple their children in the way of Christ, and help bring healing to broken families and hope to forgotten children is invaluable and an essential part of our calling individually and collectively. Southern Baptists are committed to advancing a distinctly Christian vision for the family in the public square and safeguarding the integrity of this crucial biblical institution for the good of our neighbor.

For decades, Southern Baptists have evidenced that commitment through resolutions declaring their dedication to the family and their desire to see policies that promote its formation and flourishing. In 1978, Southern Baptists affirmed that “the nation and church are only as strong as the family” and resolved to consider “carefully the impact on families of proposed federal legislation” and “give attention to the importance of economic security to all families.” In 1982, amidst concern for the state of families across the United States, the convention resolved to “through local church congregations, be especially sensitive and responsive to the needs of each ‘church family’ member and attempt to provide, and if necessary, be a substitute for needed family relationships often missing among members.” In 1987 while discussing the crisis of children on the streets, the SBC acknowledged that it “has long had special concern for the needs of American children and their families.” Countless other resolutions have been passed outlining the commitment to families  and children in crisis and even “encouraging and empowering Southern Baptists to adopt unwanted children, by providing spiritual, emotional, and financial support for women in crisis pregnancies, and by calling on our government officials to take action to protect the lives of women and children.”

In addition to these declarations of support and calls for action from churches, other resolutions have laid out a role for government to play in meeting these needs. In 1991, the SBC agreed that families are “one of only three institutions which God established,” that “strong families are a vital part of a moral society,” and that “Government policies which have neglected and punished the institution of the family are a significant factor in the moral decay of American society.” In light of this, the resolution went on to reason that “Public policy should provide incentives which promote stable marriages and parental child-rearing, recognizing that these policies will contribute to a better society” and called for the adoption of “policies which encourage the establishment and development of strong families.” And most recently in 2022, in anticipation of the Dobbs ruling, the SBC once again voiced support for abortion-vulnerable women and committed to “partnering with local, state, and federal governments to enact pro-life and pro-family policies that serve and support vulnerable women, children, and families” in hopes of eliminating “any perceived need for the horror of abortion.”

Recent proposals to consider

Though our nation has an extensive web of programs that explicitly exist to alleviate poverty, it is important to note that many of these recent proposals are not primarily focused on that goal but rather are specifically pro-family plans that also hope to have a poverty-reducing impact. A consistent theme of reasoning in these proposals is that much of our current government assistance and tax structure can often actually disincentivize marriage and having children. Governments often use the economic tools at their disposal to incentivize what they want to encourage and penalize what they want to discourage.

These proposals, in differing capacities, work to reverse that trend and economically incentivize marriage, ensure families—with an emphasis on abortion-vulnerable women—have the resources to keep their children, and promote full participation of both parents in the raising of children. In pursuit of this goal, advocates have for many years called for actions such as expanding paid family leave or expanding the child tax credit. While the ERLC has not formally taken a position on these specific policy options or the more recent proposals, we affirm efforts to think creatively about helping those in need, supporting families, and resourcing abortion-vulnerable women and families to raise their children.

Some of these recent legislative efforts have been more narrowly focused. In response to the Department of Health and Human Services launching of reproductiverights.gov, which outlines where women may receive abortion services, nine Senate Republicans recently introduced the “Standing with Moms Act” that would create an alternative Life.gov, a federal clearinghouse of pro-life resources, services, and information for pregnant and parenting mothers. Another bill, the “Unborn Child Support Act,” would permit courts, at the request of the mother, to require child support payments from the father while the child is still in the womb, retroactively from the time of conception. Similarly focused on supporting parents directly around the time of the birth of their child, the “New Parents Act” would allow parents to use some of their social security benefits for up to three months of paid parental leave after the birth or adoption of a child, with the choice of either increasing their retirement age or temporarily receiving a reduction in social security benefits upon retirement.

Other proposals are seeking to take a more comprehensive approach to pro-family policy. Sen. Mitt Romney’s Family Security Act 2.0 would reform the Child Tax Credit and Earned Income Tax Credit to provide a fully paid-for, monthly, cash benefit for working families, beginning while the child is still in the womb. Another comprehensive policy framework is Senator Marco Rubio’s Providing for Life Act. This package would seek to expand the Child Tax Credit, create fiscally responsible options for paid parental leave, bolster child support enforcement, increase WIC funding, make the Adoption Tax Credit fully refundable, fund mentoring services for low-income mothers, post online resources for new mothers, direct federal funding to pro-life pregnancy resources centers, and enforce rights for pregnant college students.

Though there is much to still be debated on which of these policies are best and which can find bipartisan support to become law, it is encouraging that many members of Congress are beginning to recognize a need for programs that support families and are beginning to think creatively on how best to do that. The ERLC will actively engage in these debates and advocate for policies that promote life, marriage, family, and the flourishing of all of our neighbors.

ERLC intern Daniel Hostetter contributed to this article.

3 ways to help your kids through grief
By / Nov 18

When I was growing up my family had friends with two sons. Both boys had the same genetic disorder, and they were not expected to live a long life. They were constantly in and out of the hospital and back and forth to doctor’s appointments. The oldest, Billy, and I shared a birthday. He presented me with a birthday present every year. 

One particular summer when I was 7 or 8 years old, our family received news that Billy’s younger brother, Stevie, had died. Within the next couple of days we were sitting in pews, remembering my friend.  

I don’t remember having any long conversations with my parents about why Stevie had died or asking them what happens after death. Growing up in church, I was reminded on a weekly basis that we could die in a car accident or Jesus could come back within the hour. I knew that our souls were at stake if we hadn’t trusted Jesus. I was told Stevie was in heaven, and I believed it. 

As a child and young adult, I believed that grief could only be felt because of a physical death. I did not know that grief could also be experienced because of the death of a relationship, lack of expectations being fulfilled, the loss of a job, tragic health diagnosis, or something stripped away that one expected to keep for a long time. In my late 20’s as I experienced more of life’s suffering, I began to experience grief in various ways.

When grief visited our family 

My husband and I have six children. Three of our children have died and gone home to the Lord. Our second son was born prematurely and passed away the day after he was born. My oldest was 2, and he was too young to remember everything that happened. His memories are what we have told him and the pictures we have shown him. As our son has gotten older, he has wondered what it would have been like to have a younger brother closer in age with him, but grieving wasn’t tangible for him until six years ago. 

Six years ago, our youngest son, Boston, was taken home unexpectedly because of a car accident. Boston was 4 years old. He was the bookend to our crew — vibrant, fun, hysterical, and the sweetest 4-year-old on the planet. My older children at the time were 11, 10, and 8. 

The morning of the accident, we all woke up in good moods, ready to face the day. But by the end of the day, our family was beyond devastated, wondering how we would all wake up the next morning. We did wake up the next day, but we awoke to a heavy weight of grief that had replaced our joyful son. 

As the dust settled after Boston’s funeral, my husband and I knew our family was encountering something that none of us knew how to navigate. When our second son passed away, my husband and I were the two grievers in the house. Our two older children were simply too young at the time to recognize what was going on. But now, we had three remaining children who had just experienced a very traumatic event. They’d lost a dear sibling, and we had to figure out how to parent our children in the midst of our own individual grief. 

Grieving as an adult is rarely done well, and often a child experiencing the same grief can get lost. So, how do we care for kids when they are grieving? Here are three encouragements.

First, give them Jesus.

Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28). Grief is hard. There’s no easy answer to it. My response to grief has been different than my husband’s, and each of our remaining children have had their own unique responses as well. There are no rules when it comes to grief. Grief can rip all the rules away and laugh at them. 

But as believers, we have comfort in our grief — the One who knows it best. Jesus experienced grief when encountering the Father’s wrath on the cross. He experienced grief when his friend Lazarus died. “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” (Isa. 53:3a). In other words, Jesus knows. 

Others know, too. And their experiences and stories — particularly their experiences of Jesus’ comfort — can be a catalyst in helping our children work through grief and suffering. Our kids are not alone. Someone has gone through a similar experience before them. Here is an example of a conversation that can be had between a mother and her daughter after a tragic experience.

. . . Steph looked at her mom and said, “You too? Do you have scary dreams too? You’re afraid of today?!”  Forcing a smile her mom replied, “Oh yes! After losing your brother I’ve constantly battled with being afraid. Everyday I have to remind myself of the truth. Sometimes every hour. One of your tasks at school is to memorize Psalm 23. As you were practicing verse 4, I took a few minutes to listen, then read the words on the page . . .” 

Steph’s mom continued and closed her eyes like she had to remember something before she quietly began to say, “I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. For you are with me.” Steph’s mom sat as the smile grew on her face. The words washed over her again as she was reminded of what they meant. Then, as she slowly opened her eyes, Steph’s mom looked at her and asked, “Who is the “you” in the passage?” Steph thought for a minute, “God? Jesus?” 

In the Bible, we find Jesus in every story — from the Fall to King David to Nehemiah being tasked to rebuild the wall and beyond. Jesus is a constant comforter to his people. I find peace in knowing that he is a consistent Comforter to us and to our children when we adults are a hot mess.

Second, we don’t have to have it all together.

My kids need to know that I struggle too. I struggle deeply and have a lot of hard days. In the midst of those days, I need to ask them to give me grace, but I also need to recognize my children’s pain and not blow it off. It is beneficial for our children to see us grieve, whether it’s the loss of a marriage, a job, a house, a friendship, or a parent or sibling diagnosed with COVID-19. It is okay for our children to see us cry, to see us struggle and to see us wrestle with God. It’s okay for them to see us wonder and ask why. 

Why is it okay for us to not have it all together? It’s okay because our transparency will, in turn, give them the freedom to be honest and wrestle without fearing judgement from parents. We must let our children ask the hard questions. We must be okay when we don’t have the answers, and we must trust that God’s sovereign hand is with them in and through both the joys and the griefs. Let’s think again about Steph and her mother: 

Steph’s mom smiled and said, “Yes. David is scared too. In this psalm, he’s writing to remind himself of who his God is. He’s remembering that his God takes care of him and loves him and comforts him when things are scary — when he’s terrified to go to bed or to wake up the next day. God is with David just as he is with us at night during bad dreams and during the day when we struggle with circumstances that trigger our grief, or with fear when Dad comes home late.”

“The words of this psalm tell us the truth of who God is even when we are struggling to believe. It tells us that he is there to save us. He will use his word to comfort us — you and me. Always. We have nothing to fear because he is with us, even when it is hard to remember that.” 

Steph sat and listened to her mom talk. She realized that her mom probably struggles just as much as she does but hasn’t let on. Her mother lost a son and she lost a brother. It was hard for both of them. They both struggle with fear, and they both need God’s Word to remind them that God protects and comforts them in their moments of fear and doubt.

Notice in the example that when Steph’s mom is honest about her grief, Steph begins to understand that her mother struggles just like she does. That brings us to the next point.

Third, we are in this together.

Our children need to understand that they are not in their grief alone. They need to know we are with them and that we are for them. But most of all, they need to know that Jesus is for them. We need to continually remind them — despite our own grief — that we are there for them when they need to work through their emotions. 

One evening I picked up my daughter from her small group and as she entered the car, I said, “How was it?” She sighed heavily and replied, “A couple of weeks ago, a friend told me that she was grateful that my brother died.” 

Ooof. Even as an adult, those are damaging words to hear. I caught my breath and let her continue without saying anything.

“That really hurt. I know she was trying to be encouraging, because she said something about Jesus working in our lives, but I didn’t really hear that part too well. It just hurt. Why would someone say that!”

I could tell that hot, angry tears were on their way, and I didn’t blame her. Hot tears were filling my eyes as well. Many people don’t know what to say to those who are suffering — just think about all of the missteps Job’s friends made. When it has been years since a death, divorce, or whatever considerable loss you’ve experienced, many folks believe the pain must be gone. However, to the person who has experienced the loss, the memory can be very fresh. A comment like the one my daughter heard can tear a scab off of an old wound and cause the grief to gush freely again. 

My daughter wanted to confront the girl. I told her, 

“Thank you for telling me. You could’ve kept that inside and you didn’t. I understand that you want to respond and tell her how she hurt you. Sometimes being honest with a friend can be a loving way to help them to better care for people who are hurting. But sometimes when we do that, folks don’t always understand where we are coming from. If we’re still feeling hurt and the other person has never experienced something similar, the situation can get worse before it gets better. There have been a lot of times since the accident that people have said really hurtful things to Dad and me. Do you know what we did? We came home and talked to each other, cried with one another, and fled to Jesus. We have to remind ourselves that people sometimes don’t know simply because they have not been in our difficult shoes. I am so glad that you told me this. Do you know why? Because . . .”

My daughter joined me, “We are in this together.” 

We need to remind our children and ourselves that despite what is going on in our lives and our world, Jesus is bigger than the circumstances. He promised us in John 16:33, “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart, I have overcome the world.” Jesus told us that we would suffer with sickness, brokenness, and death. He died for this, and he is sovereign over it. 

As Paul reminds us in I Corinthians 13:12, “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.” Thankfully, this world is not all there is. Because we have a secure future, we are able to give the gift of hope to our children even as we grieve together. We can remind them (and ourselves) that we will one day see things fully. 

Right now things are fuzzy and out of focus, full of pain and just plain hard, but when we are physically with our Savior, the scales will come off of our eyes, and we will see him, know him, and be fully known. Because we have Jesus, hope remains even in our pain. Let’s believe that he is enough for us and our children as we walk the road of grief with them. 

3 verses to guide our adoption practices this National Adoption Awareness Month
By / Nov 18

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve begun a conversation around adoption with, “Adoption is complex.” And to be honest, the further we have progressed in our journey as an adoptive family, I’ve come to realize how much we still must learn. And yet, although I’ve studied and read many books on adoption, I keep coming back to this question: How does Scripture influence the adoption practices within our family?

So today, I want to share three verses I’ve been meditating on that I believe correlate with good adoption practices.

Stay away from “savior” mentality and language

Philippians 2:3-4 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

It is no secret that Christians are called to serve their communities, those in the margins, and those without families (specifically orphans and widows). These practices and loving our neighbor are nonnegotiables for the Christian life. However, our service should not center us as the heroes in our stories, nor should our own interests be disguised as “service” to others. Rather, in humility, we value others and their needs above ourselves.

The same can be said for adoptive families. There are many families who are motivated to adopt because of their faith, and yet we should never allow a savior mentality to seep in. Adoptive parents and social workers are not heroes. We are not our children’s saviors. Our world only needs one savior, and his name is Jesus. And so we actively fight against the savior narrative not only in adoption, but in any ministry where we’re serving others. And in adoption, we always remember that the goal is to find a safe and loving family for every child. Adoption doesn’t exist to serve families; it exists to meet the needs of children. 

Embrace a both/and life

Romans 12:15, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.”

One of the most helpful things you can do as an adoptive family is to not sugarcoat or ignore the hard parts of your family’s or child’s story. The truth is, as many have stated, adoption is birthed from brokenness. It simply would not exist without it. So naively saying that “adoption is beautiful” without acknowledging that heartache and trauma that caused it, isn’t looking at the whole picture. 

As believers, we don’t have to sugarcoat the brokenness in our world because we know that sin, heartache, and brokenness exist; this is why our world so desperately needs a Savior. We can make space for the pain and heartache in our stories because we trust and know the One who will one day right every wrong. 

For the adoptive family, this means we must embrace the both/and nature of our families. We grieve with those who grieve, and we rejoice with those who rejoice. Sure, we celebrate that a child, who otherwise wouldn’t, now has a family. But we also grieve the circumstances that led up to their removal from their first families. I regularly grieve for our children’s birth mothers and how they miss out on the daily joys of seeing just how awesome these kids are. At the same time, I am unbelievably grateful that I get to be the one who kisses our kids boo-boo’s and tucks them in bed at night. One truth doesn’t negate or ignore the other. They both exist in every adoptive family, and it’s a tension that shouldn’t be ignored. Instead, we should hold it with great care and reliance on God.

Honor all people in the adoption triad

1 Peter 2:17: “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”

One way you can ensure that you’re making room for both the hard and good in adoption is to honor and respect all members of the adoption triad. We do this by seeing every person with kingdom eyes. Regardless of how or why our children were removed from their first families, we can honor them by only speaking truthfully and with honor and respect. We love them because God loves them. We pray and believe and hope redemption over them, because we are a people who have tasted and seen the goodness of God.

Another way we honor them is by listening to a wide variety of voices from the adoption triad. This means that regardless of your placement in the adoption triad, you should be respectfully listening to and learning from other members. For adoptive parents, this means we’re learning from both adoptees and first families. And rather than criticizing their perspectives for being different from ours, we welcome their stories as opportunities to look at adoption from a different perspective. 

Like I said above, adoption is complex. And yet, it is one of many ways that God provides families for children. So, we allow his Word to guide us. And for those of us who are called to it, we take the time to learn and grow so we can better love and serve our children for the glory of God. May these verses bless your family this National Adoption Awareness Month. 

Herbie Newell on National Adoption Month
By / Nov 15

This week, Chelsea Sobolik sits down with Herbie Newell of Lifeline Children’s Services to discuss National Adoption Month, how the church can care for vulnerable children, and how we can be preparing for a post-Roe world.

Guest Biography

Herbie Newell is the President/Executive Director of Lifeline Children’s Services and it’s ministry arms including (un)adopted, Crossings, and Lifeline Village. Herbie holds a Master’s degree in Accounting from Samford University. He joined the Lifeline staff in 2003 as Executive Director. From January 2004 to December 2008, he served as the president of the Alabama Adoption Coalition. Herbie was chosen as a Hague Intercountry Adoption evaluator and team leader by the Council of Accreditation and serves in that capacity currently. Under Herbie’s leadership, Lifeline has increased the international outreach to 23 countries, helped Lifeline attain membership in the ECFA (Evangelical Council on Financial Accountability), and led the creation of foster care ministry. Having witnessed the plight of older orphans on many trips overseas, Herbie’s burden for the fatherless was a catalyst for starting (un)adopted during 2009. He worked with WAKM Companies, LLC, a prominent accounting firm, for many years as an independent auditor before being led to Lifeline.  He and his wife, Ashley, live in Birmingham, Alabama, and are parents to son, Caleb, and daughters Adelynn and Emily.

Resources from the Conversation

How Christian nonprofits are leading international orphan care
By / Nov 1

Of those most tragically affected by the COVID-19 pandemic, the 1.5 million children who lost parents or grandparents worldwide may be the most heartbreaking. In the wake of such loss, international child welfare advocates have bolstered efforts to care for these newly orphaned children. 

Many of those advocates are Christian nonprofit organizations like Faith to Action Initiative (FAI) and Lifeline Children’s Services. Both groups exist to resource churches and communities with what they need to help orphans and vulnerable children in the name of Jesus. 

“COVID has had an incredibly horrific impact on families and children around the world,” Herbie Newell, president of Lifeline Children’s Services. “It’s multiplied poverty, it’s multiplied helplessness and hopelessness.” 

A collaborative movement to care for children

Thankfully, there is a collaborative movement afoot to provide the best care possible. Recently, UNICEF held an annual event in recognition of the 1989 UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. More than 30 years ago, world leaders committed to an international agreement granting children the same human rights as adults. It wasn’t until 2019, however, that the group signed and adopted a resolution that committed to prioritizing family-based care over institutionalized care for children. 

At the event, FAI presented a letter urging governments to acknowledge the significant role Christian nonprofits play in caring for orphans and to include them in care reform efforts. A report from the Better Care Network found that one of the largest groups supporting orphanages abroad are evangelical, Protestant churches. 

Despite that reality, said FAI’s Executive Director Elli Oswald, at times it can feel as if UN reforms are more like mandates than collaborative solutions. “We think it’s important for Christians to share their experiences,” said Oswald. “They [can then] build their ownership over changes that need to happen.” 

In the letter, FAI proposed that countries be required to regulate the funding investment from Christian nonprofits, to ensure their contributions go exclusively toward their family-based care goals. 

A move toward family-based care

The 2019 resolution and move to recognize Christian leadership in orphan care is even more important today, as the unanticipated outcome of a worldwide pandemic left so many without nuclear families. A move toward family-based care on an international level -— through economic support, kinship care, foster care, and adoption — will help create better results for children, who fare better in such environments. 

In the United States, the orphanage is a thing of the past since the 1950s and 60s transition to almost exclusively government-funded foster care as the accepted model of care. But these institutions are still prevalent in many countries around the world. To be clear, orphanages are often the best care available — and are certainly important for children without other options — but institutional care isn’t optimal. 

FAI and other groups ultimately hope to create family-based care options everywhere. In 2019, all member states in the UN committed to moving toward this goal, but the process isn’t quick or easy. While governments have been amenable to working with faith-based organizations, FAI and its coalitions, including World Vision, Bethany Christian Services, and Catholic Relief Services, would like to see Christians get a more prominent seat at the table. In doing so, they could shift reforms to more gospel-centered priorities rooted in the family model God created from day 1. 

Part of this shift, said Oswald, would include reforms to economically and strategically equip vulnerable families before orphancare is needed. Many so-called orphaned children in third-world countries actually have at least one living parent. But because social systems don’t offer them the economic stability they need to continue parenting through struggle, kids often end up institutionalized. Part of orphancare reform would include putting money toward in-tact families who just need a little help to survive hard times. 

Centralizing Christian organizations in conversations about orphancare matters greatly. It puts the gospel front and center and amplifies the voices of those most committed to caring for children with their pocket books and their lives. The Bible calls all Christians to “look after orphans” (James 1:27) — and it’s clear from the Creation story that the family unit is God’s intent for the flourishing of all people (Genesis 1). 

“It’s vitally important that the Church work together to ensure that institutions are a last resort for vulnerable children who don’t have a family,” said Newell. “Adoption is still a great way to live out the gospel, and we’re grateful to work with so many loving Christian families to facilitate that.” 

With so many divisive issues on the line across the world, there’s one that nearly everyone can agree on: keeping children around the world safe, housed, fed, and loved. There is no perfect way to ensure this for every child, but Christian organizations like FAI, Lifeline, and others are doing all they can to make it so for as many children as possible. 

3 opportunities public education offers to Christian families
By / Oct 20

Choosing a school for your children can be one of the most difficult decisions that a parent makes. Our family’s choice was complicated by our kids’ particular needs. My wife Megan and I are deliberate people, and after taking some time to consider our options, we sent our oldest daughter, Rachael, to a two-day-per-week kindergarten at a classical school, one that we knew would emphasize reading old books, choral music, and learning ancient languages like Latin and Greek. The school was a great fit for her; she seemed to thrive.

But that same year, our second-born, Lucy, began her academic journey at a half-day Head Start program. Lucy had been diagnosed with what would now be classified as level 3 Autism. Her language, social, and self-care skills were already behind her 3-year-old peers, and she needed the behavioral, speech, and occupational support that our local public school system could provide. 

Choosing two different schools seemed like a wise decision at first. The two schools felt like just the right fit for our two daughters. But living in two different educational worlds at once was more difficult than we anticipated. Not only were our girls’ weekly schedules radically different, but the school calendars — the holidays, as well as the start and end dates for the two school systems — just didn’t mesh. Lucy also had daily therapy sessions after school in our home. Even if one child was on a break, another still had something going on. We felt like we were always on the go. In many ways, that was our first rodeo as parents, and Megan and I were exhausted trying to manage it. 

So, as the summer drew near, we pulled both girls out of their schools, went to Disney World with my in-laws (we found that restful!), and began a process of making certain that both girls would have the same school schedule the following fall. Our Lucy needed the public school system’s support for children with disabilities. So in order to unite our family around a shared routine (and actually enjoy family vacations!), we put both girls in public education.

A battle for minds and affections

Choosing public school is not a decision that any Christian parent should come to blindly. Megan and I sat down with a friend and advisor who walked us through a process of identifying our values, ranking them, and then finally making the decision. 

One thing that made the decision so hard is the reality that public education isn’t designed to reinforce Christian values. As James K. A. Smith has chronicled in his book Desiring the Kingdom, the rhythms of the public school and university campus are aimed instead at forming the next generation to value and worship competition, radical self-expression, and economic success.

And it’s not only that the secular worldview heralded in the public school curriculum seeks to regularly undercut a Christian worldview. Whether your kids attend a Christian school or a public one, the passion and regular rhythms of middle and high school extracurriculars —whether it’s athletics, academics, or the arts — will compete for your kids’ affections. 

Smith quotes Duke Divinity school professor Stanley Hauerwas’s striking observation that “Friday night high school football is the most significant liturgical event in Texas.” Now don’t get me wrong. I stand up and cheer for each touchdown pass as loudly as the next man (okay, maybe louder). Football, along with other sports, is a gracious gift from God, but that doesn’t mean Smith and Hauerwas are wrong when they see games and competitions as acts of worship that can compete with the faith. 

What makes this even harder in the public school context is that most public schools no longer take church activities into account. Gone are the days when sports and activities take a midweek pause so that students can be involved at their church on Wednesday evening. And when the band competition ends late on Saturday night, it’s hard to get up for church on Sunday morning. 

Why let Caesar educate your kids?

We know that young people are susceptible to the influence of their peers and cultural environment. So, if the public school environment is so hostile to Christian belief, why would any parent choose it? Why let Caesar educate your kids?

The truth is that without some vision for what it will take to navigate public school culture as a Christian, it’s unwise to make that choice. Ultimately, I believe that a Christian’s school choice is a Romans 14 matter — an issue of Christian freedom that will be worked out as each mom and dad weighs the options in light of their individual consciences. There are great reasons to choose a Christian school environment instead, but I believe there are also some opportunities that public education uniquely offers to Christian families. Here are three:

1. In public school, students typically experience greater diversity. After the 1954 Brown v. Board of Education decision, many conservative white churches became bastions for segregationist opposition. Especially in the South, a number of private schools were founded by people who were committed to segregation and opposed to any possibility of interracial romance. As Michael Aitcheson observed on The Gospel Coalition’s As In Heaven podcast, “My grandmother in Orlando, Florida, remembers integration happening and our first private school was founded ‘six hours later.’”

Though they began as “segregation academies,” many of these schools have turned from their segregationist practices, and there are even efforts within Christian education to prioritize greater diversity. But on the whole, public education remains much more diverse than private education, and this presents lots of little opportunities for Christian kids to learn how to respect cultural differences and engage peers who differ with friendly curiosity rather than suspicion.

Public school exposes our children to ethnic and racial diversity, socioeconomic diversity, religious diversity, and ability diversity. It’s good to hear in a sermon about how we should honor the dignity of every human person made in God’s image. But the student in public school also gets the opportunity to practice showing honor when splitting a pizza with her Hindu friends. 

2. In public school, kids encounter pressing issues before they leave home. Christian kids who attend a public high school today are going to hear a Christian account of creation questioned in science class. And that Christian student probably knows at least one person in their classes who identifies as lesbian, gay, or transgender. Theologian Michael Krueger observes that too often Christian parents think their kids are best served by being sheltered and protected from any discussion or exposure to such non-Christian thinking. But it shouldn’t be that way!

It’s good to help your child wrestle with how, for example, to square what the Bible teaches about gender with the empathy she feels for a friend who experiences gender dysphoria. We need to give young people the basic biblical categories and tools they need to deal with non-Chrisitan belief while they’re still living under our roof. 

And just as it’s good for us to repent and ask for our children’s forgiveness when we lose our temper with them, it’s also good for parents to admit to their kids when they don’t know how to answer challenges to the Christian faith. When we’re honest about what we don’t know, kids will learn what it looks like to suspend judgement, do some research (pick up a book; ask a pastor), and think through how to give a reasonable defense for the faith. 

3. In public school, Christian students have the opportunity to be a witness. Some Christians ask, “Why put your children on a school bus to Babylon? Here’s the reality: No matter how much you’ve sheltered your child, they’re still living in Babylon. The question is whether they’re merely assimilating or living as bold exiles. 

On the one hand, it’s essential for students to have a Christian community beyond their nuclear families. Every Christian needs to know that he’s not alone. That’s one reason I’m so grateful for our church youth group that includes kids who are in public, private, and home school. 

But if a young person is only around people who share his beliefs and, as a result, his faith is never tested during his growing up years, that youth may trade cultural conformity in a Christian environment for a more dangerous cultural conformity in his college dorm. 

The public school environment certainly tests a young person’s faith. But when that faith is tested, there’s also an opportunity to see its true mettle. The student who chooses to dress modestly, not to participate in an event on Sunday, or share how her views of social justice involve convictions about hell and final judgment will be seen as socially awkward — perhaps even weird. She’s also a witness. 

The biggest reason we chose public school in the first place was for the specialized care it provided for our daughter Lucy. Staying in public education has meant greater intentionality about teaching and modeling a biblical worldview to our daughters at home. 

At the end of the day, a family’s educational choice for their kids is just one factor in a child’s formative years. In his book Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Tedd Tripp warns against the danger of evaluating your parenting by your child’s educational success. He wrote, “Unfortunately, scores of disillusioned and broken people are thoroughly educated. It is possible to be well-educated and still not understand life.” For the Christian parents who help their students learn to celebrate other image-bearers, work through doubt, and stand for Christ even when it seems strange, public school can be a pathway toward gaining a heart of wisdom.

How fertility rates and religious adherence are connected
By / Aug 17

There has been much written lately about the declining rates of childbearing. Some argue that it is a good choice in light of economic and climate concerns, while others worry about the fact that men and women are delaying marriage and childbirth until later in life, leading to a population decline. Nowhere is this more acute than in Japan where a city of some two dozen adults have resorted to lifelike dolls as stand-ins for people because the last child born in the city was over 20 years ago. The recent COVID-19 epidemic has even contributed to what has been called a “baby bust” in the United States. This decline in births has serious implications for all areas of life, including religion.

In his new book, Faith and Fertility: The Demographic Revolution and the Transformation of World Religions, Baylor historian Philip Jenkins looks at the close connections between rates of fertility and religious adherence across the globe. His book explores the relationship between childbearing and secularization and the current ways that the religious landscape of the world is being reshaped, especially in Western Europe and North America where fertility rates have fallen precipitously in recent decades. 

In your introduction, you say that there is a direct relationship between the fertility rates of a society and its religiosity. Countries with high fertility rates also (typically) enjoy higher rates of religiosity, and vice versa. Is one feeding the other, or are these just predictors of the future?

Anyone who ever took a college course on sociology knows about debates over causation and correlation. If two things happen at the same time, does one cause the other, or are they both caused by something else altogether? Or, are they simply unconnected? What I am saying is that if you look at particular countries, or regions, that linkage between fertility rates and religiosity is very strong indeed. Moreover, sudden changes in the one trend correspond really neatly to changes in the other. In fact, as I argue, you can actually use fertility changes as a predictor of what will happen in the religiosity of a particular society, and those predictions are very likely to hold good. So is this causation or correlation? 

One problem is that the two trends happen in such short time periods — maybe five or 10 years — that it is close to impossible to decide which is cause and which effect. I think for instance of a country like Italy in the 1970s, which quite suddenly in just a few years experienced a very sharp fertility drop, and where in those same years, religious practice and commitment plunged. I can actually make a good case either way, for which trend is causing which. But in a sense, that does not really matter, because the basic linkage is so solid, and attested so widely. What we can say with high confidence is that high fertility societies are also high faith, and vice versa. When a high fertility society suddenly moves to a low fertility model — and those changes do tend to be sudden — then watch closely for the religious effects.

How do the changes in fertility and focus on child-centered families change other attitudes in the society? What are some areas of rapid shifts in public attitude that have coincided with the shift in fertility and religiosity? 

I use the example of Europe from the 1960s onward, although the changes that happened there have subsequently moved over much of the globe. When family size declines, and children are less on the scene, several things happen. Quite rapidly, people lose many of the ties that previously bound them to churches or other religious institutions. They are no longer sending children to church schools or first communion classes or bar mitzvah classes. But also, society becomes more open to arguments that separate sexuality from reproduction. In the older world, families might have listened closely to what religious institutions said about enforcing sexual morality through law, but that changes quickly. In Europe, so many of these changes have happened through referenda and public votes, rather than, as in the U.S., through judicial decisions. So, you can actually map quite revolutionary changes in public attitudes, with a new openness to contraception, divorce, abortion, and gay rights issues. 

As a result, countries that in 1960 were some of the world’s most morally conservative became some of the most liberal. At every stage, you can also link these developments to changes in fertility. As society becomes more liberal or even radical on these issues, so the churches lose ever more support as they are repeatedly depicted as the bad guys seeking to staunch progress. They face a kind of vicious circle. People are prepared to accept or tolerate the churches and clergy but only as long as they keep out of private lives. In terms of how religion has always been seen as a force in public life, that is a revolutionary development.

It is not, you argue, necessarily Marx or Freud whose work has reduced the appeal of religion, but possibly the work of Louis Pasteur and advances in medicine. Why has something like germ theory shifted our understanding of the family? 

One great force driving high fertility in past centuries was the very high death rate for babies and small children. Infant mortality rates were inconceivably dreadful, so people had to have lots of children to compensate for losses. That in turn severely constrained women’s lives. New insights about germs and infections meant that infant mortality rates fell incredibly fast, and that was the essential precondition for smaller family size. At the same time, knowing the causes of disease has massively reduced the role of clergy and churches in seeking to offer healing and protection against bodily ills. Whole areas of life have been transferred to the medical profession, which now can have a real and positive impact, which was certainly not true until the mid-19th century.

Also, higher standards of health mean that death has become a less familiar and visible part of our everyday lives, and that in turn has limited what was once one of the critical functions of clergy, namely in being present at deathbeds and funerals. Today, death is more medicalized, and is regarded as something for the very old, rather than something that can strike anyone at any time. We have had a revolution in death.

Your book deals a lot with secularization theory and the idea that religion will just generally decline and eventually disappear. However, you say that secularization is a self-limiting process. What do you mean by this?

Imagine a society that is low faith and low fertility, and as I say, the two trends go together. Societies age and become more stable. They also become more secular, and more liberal in their cultural and sexual attitudes. If those are your views, you might think that is a wonderful prospect, and we are all joining together singing John Lennon’s Imagine. But a society with a median age in the 40s — and that is much of Europe today — simply cannot survive economically. It needs people to do the working class jobs, to provide the human services, and to pay the taxes. That means drawing in immigrants, who come from young and high fertility lands in the Global South. In Western Europe, that means turning to North Africa or the Middle East, or South Asia. 

But high fertility societies are also high faith societies, and those new immigrants are likely to be strongly religious, not to mention very traditional in their morality. Many immigrants are Muslim, but plenty of others are passionately Christian. So, in that sense, a secular society will inevitably be transformed by those strictly non-secular immigrants. Over time, the immigrants will often come close to outnumbering the old-stock populations. The less religious a society is today, the more religious it will become in a generation or so.

While the secularization that you note about Europe is true, America has traditionally been a sort of outlier to the conversation because it resembles European nations in many respects but has also retained high levels of religious behavior and identity. Will that trend continue or will American begin to look more like Europe in the near future? 

The U.S. was long a problem for scholars of religion, because it was high faith and (relatively) high fertility. Some of us — including myself! — spent lots of time trying to account for this paradox. For better or worse, we no longer have to explain such things because the U.S. has now moved decisively to European levels of fertility. The big change was the economic crisis of 2007-8, which increasingly looks like a social revolution in people’s ways of life and expectations. 

Today, U.S. fertility rates track closely with those of famously low-fertility Denmark, and they may well go lower: it will be very interesting to see the long-term impact of the pandemic. And as we might have expected, low fertility rapidly implies low faith. The best evidence for this is the dramatic growth of the Nones, those who reject any religious affiliation. They already outnumber Catholics, and by 2025 should be the largest component of the U.S. population, above evangelicals.

Ronald Inglehart wrote recently that “Since 2007, the United States has showed the largest shift of any country away from religion and now ranks among the world’s least religious publics.” For anyone who recalls conditions even a decade ago, that’s amazing. So yes, I do think that “Europe awaits.”

This decline in religion though is not a complete rejection of faith. There is an increase as you note in pilgrimages to holy sites and even many of the Nones (as Ryan Burge has argued in his book on the growing religious group) display some continued adherence to religious belief. So, is this part of the larger conversation about a declining trust in institutions across culture, not just the church specifically? 

And that is an excellent point. When people talk about secularization, they often see it as the same as atheism, which it is not. When people cut loose from institutions, they often maintain the underlying codes and belief system, as in the case of the Nones. But here is the problem. If you cast off moorings from any and all churches, and live what you see as a religious life free of institutions, how long can you keep that up? Decades? A generation? And more important, is that something that can be passed on to the next generation. In Europe, it took a few decades, but those Nones gradually did turn into actual atheists, who see no reason at all for the survival of religion. I am not saying that trajectory is inevitable, but it seems like one we should be aware of.

How does the question of mass migration and immigrations contribute to this discussion? What effect does an influx of immigrants have on the religious behavior and fertility rates of a country? How do immigrants change over time in terms of childbirth and religious behavior? 

Right, I mentioned this earlier. Immigrants do tend to be younger than the historic population, because they are the sort of people who are likely to make such a dramatic move, and early on at least, they are very religious. As to what happens over two or three generations, that is a different matter. Certainly, people of migrant stock tend to move toward the norms of the host society, and their fertility rates do drop. Religion is a more complex matter. Christian migrants are a major part of church life in Europe, especially in countries like Britain, and we see a very similar pattern here in the U.S.

Muslims might tend to keep their religion even longer because it is so intimately bound up with every aspect of their lives, and their social realities. It is actually a very major and difficult step to move to be a real “ex-Muslim,” even if you abandon many aspects of the belief system.

In looking at Africa, you note that soon it will demographically lay claim to the title of the most populous Christian continent. What changes can expect to arise from this shift from Western Europe and North America to the Global South, and particularly Africa? 

Some areas of the world resist the drift to low fertility: Africa, and large portions of the Middle East and South Asia. These will increasingly dominate their respective faiths. By 2050 or so, around a third of all Christians will live on the African continent, and that does not include people of African stock living elsewhere in the world. The impact on Islam will be a bit less, because Muslim numbers are holding up very well in South Asia, but the African share will certainly grow for them too.

Common wisdom has often held that individuals go through stages of religiosity over the course of their lifetimes where they may leave in their young adult years but return when they have children. How does the shift in fertility affect that concept of the faith life cycle of individuals and their possibility of returning? How does it change the way that churches need to approach ministry and outreach in the future? 

I think about all the effort that churches put into studying and catering for children and young people, and I wonder if we are asking the wrong questions. The demographic revolution sweeping the world right now has its greatest impact on the numbers of the old and very old. Those numbers are soaring, both in absolute and relative terms. How do churches cope with them, apart from just holding helpful seminars on dying, death, and estate planning? That aging, that “graying,” poses questions that most churches have scarcely begun to contemplate. Those are some of the greatest challenges to ministry and outreach, and we scarcely have the vocabulary as yet with which to approach the problem. 

Conversations about gender should begin with humility
By / May 6

Pastor John received a phone call from his friend, Rodney, who serves in ministry in another state. Rodney is a jovial guy, and John always enjoys talking with him about ministry and family. This day, their conversation was different. When John picked up the phone, he could tell right away that something was wrong. Rodney’s pre-teen daughter had always been more of a tomboy — preferring sports and skateboarding to dolls, jeans and sweatshirts to dresses. But a few days before the call she’d given him a shock. She pulled her mom and dad aside to tell them that she now identifies as male instead of female. The revelation shocked Rodney and his wife. They were left spinning.

Living in a gender-fluid world

We live in a time that grows increasingly accepting of gender-fluid identities. At time of writing, the social media website Facebook gives users 71 different gender options. In a recent peer-reviewed study, Lisa Littman, assistant professor of Behavioral and Social Sciences at Brown University, suggests that within the particular friend groups she studied, adolescent and college-age girls experienced increased popularity after coming out as transgender.“1Why are so many teenage girls appearing in gender clinics?” The Economist (September 1, 2018), accessed online at https://www.economist.com/united-states/2018/09/01/ why-are-so-many-teenage-girls-appearing-in-gender-clinics.

Because of these rapid cultural changes, conversations like the one I’ve described above aren’t going away any time soon. Gender identity will continue to be a regular topic for Christian parents. Knowing this doesn’t necessarily make it easier to process. Christian parents feel a flood of emotions when their teenage daughter announces, “I want to be known as Joe instead of Joan.” It can be overwhelming and even devastating to hear such news. When a daughter announces that she now identifies as a boy, her choice to wear a baseball cap backward may take on new meaning. Before it seemed like a harmless fashion statement. Now it raises your blood pressure.

Beyond the uncomfortable emotions involved, navigating conversations about gender and sex with our children means exploring emotional, moral, personal, and theological matters — serious subjects. Most parents feel a lot of pressure to respond perfectly. We’re afraid if things go sideways and our children choose to reject our values and beliefs, it could be our fault for not handling the teachable moment well. It’s easy to feel paralyzed by what we should or shouldn’t say and do. If we’re honest, we feel desperate and ill equipped.

That’s why I wrote A Parent’s Guide to Teaching Your Children about Gender. My goal in the book is to help you navigate these difficult conversations. I want to link arms with you and search the Scriptures together to learn how to respond to our children biblically as we raise them in a broken world. But before you pick up the book and begin exploring how to help our kids navigate this gender-confused culture, it’s important to confess just how weak and desperate we are.

Gender Identity — A term that is used in our culture to refer to an individual’s personal sense of identity as masculine or feminine, or some combination of each. This involves my self-understanding — how I think about myself.2Definitions adapted from Andrew T. Walker, God and the Transgender Debate: What Does the Bible Actually Say About Gender Identity? (The Good Book Company, 2017), 167, 170.

Gender-Fluid — A term used for people who prefer to be flexible when expressing their gender identity

Transgender — An umbrella term for the state or condition of identifying and expressing a gender identity that does not match a person’s biological/genetic sex.

We are desperate

None of us are experts. None of us have it all together. The older my kids get, the more it becomes clear I can’t control their destiny. Their future, health, will and desires for life, whether or not they will marry, who they will choose as a spouse, and even how long they will live — all this belongs to God. My attempts to control outcomes are fruitless. 

Our children’s self-conceptions about their gender are ultimately out of our hands. There’s a part of me that’s afraid to write down my thoughts on this topic. What if my own children reject God’s path? I can speak truth but only God can turn their hearts. The pressures and deep emotions we feel at such difficult junctures reveal that we know the stakes. If you feel desperate, you’re normal. 

But these emotions can also expose a misplaced faith. Often, we’re trusting in our parenting — our methods of discipline or the choices we’ve made about screen time and education — to ensure our kids will turn out well. You know this is true. When our kids are cute and we’re posting fun pictures of our family vacation on Instagram, we feel like we’ve made it. But when we encounter something our favorite parenting book didn’t cover, or when the parenting method we’ve trusted begins to let us down, we start to freak out.

I’m learning that this place of weakness and desperation is precisely where God wants us. When we are most vulnerable, we find Christ’s abundant strength (2 Cor. 12:9). As Martin Luther once wrote, “It is certain that a man must utterly despair of his own ability before he is prepared to receive the grace of Christ.”3Martin Luther, “Heidelberg Disputation (1518)” in Martin Luther’s Basic Theological Writings, ed. Timothy J. Lull, (Minneapolis: Fortress, 1989), 42.  I find it incredibly encouraging when moms and dads admit they need guidance. Honest parents know they need help, and asking for it is a holy thing.

In the e-book that’s linked, you’ll find a series of six conversation topics designed to help you communicate a biblical framework for gender and sexuality to your children. My prayer is that you’ll lead in these conversations with vulnerability about your own brokenness as well as the kind of gentleness that can only come from first experiencing God’s mercy yourself. As you press into these conversations, have confidence in God’s good plans for your children. In the midst of the brokenness and confusion of this life, God is faithful to keep those who trust him and to intercede for us, especially when we are weak (1 Thess. 4:3, 8; Rom. 8:26–27).

  • 1
    Why are so many teenage girls appearing in gender clinics?” The Economist (September 1, 2018), accessed online at https://www.economist.com/united-states/2018/09/01/ why-are-so-many-teenage-girls-appearing-in-gender-clinics.
  • 2
    Definitions adapted from Andrew T. Walker, God and the Transgender Debate: What Does the Bible Actually Say About Gender Identity? (The Good Book Company, 2017), 167, 170.
  • 3
    Martin Luther, “Heidelberg Disputation (1518)” in Martin Luther’s Basic Theological Writings, ed. Timothy J. Lull, (Minneapolis: Fortress, 1989), 42. 

Does the value of children depend on their usefulness?
By / Mar 18

“Kids are cute but they’re not really eco-friendly.” This is the title of a troubling 2017 article making the rounds, and making waves, on the internet. With an image of a smiling family of five pasted front-and-center, oddly enough, Caroline Mortimer spends the entirety of her allotted space comparing having children to other “carbon emitting activities” like eating meat, driving a car, and traveling by plane. The implication is that having many kids is irresponsible and harmful to the planet. 

Leaning on a study performed by Lund University in Sweden, Mortimer concludes that “having children is the most destructive thing a person can do to the environment.” As readers, we must not rush past this statement too quickly. While the article goes on to quote the referenced study, championing the good that would come if families have just “one fewer child,” Mortimer’s conclusion is more cut-and-dry––having children at all is destructive. As Christians, what are we to say to Mortimer’s grim assertion?

What God says about children

Mortimer presents a sort of utilitarian view of children—they are worthwhile only so long as their usefulness outweighs their supposed liability to the planet. In her view, and in the view of the study, because children produce something like “58.6 tonnes of CO2-equivalent emissions per year,” they’re more damaging to the environment than eating meat or traveling. That being the case, their existence should be limited, says Mortimer. A child’s value is not inherent in this view, but contingent on how many brothers or sisters he or she has and their cumulative carbon output. 

Christians should know that the underlying assumption put forth by Mortimer and those who share her sentiment is both mistaken and unbiblical. A child’s value cannot be reduced to the sum total of his or her carbon footprint, but what the Author of life declares it to be. Rather than taking our cues from the assumptions of this study’s researchers and their utilitarian philosophy, we should listen to how God speaks to us in his Word. 

Here are three things God says in the Bible about children.

  1. Children are loved by God

“The most foundational thing in God is not some abstract quality, but the fact that he is Father,” says Michael Reeves in Delighting in the Trinity. He goes on to say, “He is Father. All the way down. Thus all that he does he does as Father. That is who he is. He creates as a Father and he rules as a Father.” Children are loved by God, first and foremost, because God is Father, and God is love.

Likewise, because we know that God the Father loves his Son, the second person of the Trinity, we can be certain that he loves our sons and daughters. He sent his beloved Son into the world, after all, because he “so loved it” (John 3:16). The Scriptures are replete with references and allusions and illustrations of parental love precisely because God is not just a loving Creator, but a loving parent, “A father to the fatherless” (Psa. 68:5).

  1. Children are a gift from God

In Psalm 127, Solomon’s song declares that “children are a gift from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (v. 3). Contrary to what is implied in the article referenced above, there is no hint here of children being a liability or encumbrance of any sort, but purely a gift from a kind and gracious God. 

Furthermore, we read God’s words to Adam and Eve in the earliest pages of Scripture, telling them to “be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it,” a directive that still stands. Even the phrase itself, “be fruitful,” suggests that the offspring produced through the union of man and woman is good and to be desired (like fruit), and a process by which the cultural mandate and, relatedly, the Great Commission go forward. 

We are not meant to value our children based on their utility but because they have been created by God and given as a gift. We are to take joy in receiving the gift (John 16:21) and glorify our Father in heaven.  

  1. Children are welcome in the kingdom of God

In a scene that must have confounded Jesus’ disciples, Jesus spoke to his followers, after they had barked at a group of children and those who accompanied them, saying, “Leave the children alone, and don’t try to keep them from coming to me, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matt. 19:14). And before leaving, the text says that Jesus “placed his hands on them.” Children are not just welcomed into the kingdom of God, they are welcomed with a hug.

But, of course, the text does not suggest that children are only welcome in God’s kingdom. Jesus states that the kingdom of God belongs to such persons, an idea that would have been unthinkable in the first century. Children, according to Jesus, are not expendable or disposable in God’s kingdom based on some carbon output equation, but are to be emulated within the kingdom. They have something to teach us. In fact, we won’t enter God’s kingdom unless we enter as little children ourselves (Matt. 18:3).

Turn and become like children

We live in an “enlightened” generation so confused as to suggest that being fruitful and multiplying is more harmful than it is blessed. But we are not called to weigh the pros and cons of a child’s carbon footprint before we consider the unchanging words of God. This sort of equational logic has no place in ascribing value to a child. 

In fact, the crux of Mortimer’s logic is entirely backward, according to Jesus. His counsel to us is not to turn children away so we can make adult decisions, from discipleship to family planning, but for adults to “turn and become like children” (Matt. 18:3), the very ones Mortimer is suggesting we disallow. Children are a gift and a blessing and a heritage, not a liability. And we have much to learn from them.

The devaluing of children is fundamentally at odds with the Christian worldview. From Jesus’ proclamation that children are welcome in the lap of God to the Apostle John’s statement that the Father calls his saints “children of God” (1 John 3:1), both physical children and spiritual children are precious and loved by the God. Rather than employing equations that suggest we sacrifice our prospective children for the sake of the planet, we should “be fruitful and multiply,” bearing children for the cause of joy, for the sake of the gospel, for the good of the nations, and, yes, for the sake of our planet. So may the children of the world abound and teach us what it means to be “great in the kingdom of heaven.”