What is maternal mortality?
By / Aug 10

The United States is a technologically advanced country with trusted science and medicine. And many of us assume most individuals in this country have access to world-class medical care and that their health is always in good hands. Yet, according to the latest report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), maternal mortality rates are on the rise in the United States. The World Health Organization (WHO) defines motherhood mortality as “the annual number of female deaths from any cause related to or aggravated by pregnancy or its management (excluding accidental or incidental causes) during pregnancy and childbirth or within 42 days of termination of pregnancy, irrespective of the duration and site of the pregnancy.”

According to the most recent data from the CDC, in 2020, the maternal mortality rate in the United States—the number of maternal deaths per 100,000 live births—reached 23.8 compared with 20.1 in 2019. This rate indicates a total of 861 women who died of maternal causes in the United States in 2020 compared to 754 women in 2019, continuing an upward trend in maternal mortality rates in the U.S.

The data shows motherhood mortality rates rise significantly among women over the age of 40 and among non-Hispanic Black women. In 2020, the maternal mortality rate among non-Hispanic Blacks was 55.3 deaths per 100,000 live births, nearly three times the rate for non-Hispanic white women. This was a significant increase for non-Hispanic Black women from 2019 when the maternal mortality rate was 44.0. Among non-Hispanic white women, the rate only increased slightly from 2019 to 2020, rising from 17.9 to 19.1. Rates also increase with maternal age. Women over the age of 40 have the highest maternal mortality rate at 107.9—7.8 times higher than the rate for those under the age of 25.

Maternal mortality occurs as a result of complications during and following pregnancy and childbirth. According to WHO, some of these complications existed before and worsened during pregnancy. But most develop during a woman’s pregnancy and are preventable or treatable. Nearly 3 in 4 maternal deaths are caused by severe bleeding, infections, high blood pressure during pregnancy, complications from delivery, or unsafe abortion. These are all known complications with known solutions.

In a world marred by the consequences of sin, maternal deaths are not a new occurrence. There are women in the Bible who died of child birthing complications. Both Rachel (Gen. 35:16-20) and the wife of Phinehas (1 Sam. 4:19-20) died after prolonged and difficult labors. And despite our attempts to combat the consequences of sin with things like science and medicine, sin still affects our world today.

Protecting women’s lives

Today, healthcare providers have well-known solutions to prevent or manage maternal complications. WHO identifies two primary indicators for preventing maternal deaths: 1) Access to high-quality healthcare during pregnancy and childbirth as well as after childbirth; and 2) Access to contraceptives to prevent unplanned pregnancies (though Christians would not support the use of abortifacients or the morning after pill).

Sadly, there are still women in the United States who do not receive the care they need during or after their pregnancies. The five main factors that “prevent women from receiving or seeking care during pregnancy and childbirth” are:

  1. Poverty
  2. Distance to facilities
  3. Lack of information
  4. Inadequate and poor quality services
  5. Cultural beliefs and practices

WHO suggests that to “improve maternal health, barriers that limit access to quality maternal health services must be identified and addressed at both health systems and societal levels.”

The church’s response

So what should the church do? The church can start by genuinely caring. Christ-followers should care because all people have dignity and worth. No matter their circumstances or conditions, every woman, baby, and family is valuable. When Christians show they care about women and are broken over the issues that arise when women don’t receive the care they need, the world sees a little more clearly that God cares for women. He cares for the broken. He cares for the hurting. As Christ’s ambassadors, God calls the church to love women, babies, and families and to be conduits of life.

Pregnant women and their families, healthcare providers, hospitals and healthcare systems, and states and communities can work together to reduce maternal mortality rates. And as churches invest themselves in their communities and pursue the well-being of their cities (Jere. 29:4-7), they are uniquely positioned to be a source of hope and light.

At the state and community level, the CDC offers three specific steps toward reducing maternal deaths:

  1. Assess and coordinate delivery hospitals for risk-appropriate care
  2. Support review of the causes behind every maternal death
  3. Identify and address social factors influencing maternal health such as unstable housing, transportation access, food insecurity, substance use, violence, and racial and economic inequality

It may be easier for us to close our eyes and walk on the other side of the road (Luke 10:25-27), avoiding the hurt that could come from engaging with the rising issue of maternal mortality. But God calls the church to respond to suffering in the world around us. For example, in light of the recent Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization Supreme Court decision, and the resulting restrictions on abortion, many pregnancy care centers across the nation are considering how they might meet the needs of the additional numbers of women and families who are walking through their doors for assistance. This has included adding more medical services, such as ultrasounds or STD-testing, which can be an important first step in prenatal care. 

God calls us to protect the physical lives of the vulnerable among us, seeking justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God (Micah 6:8) as we live out the call to love our neighbors as ourselves (Lev. 19:18). And he calls the church to be a light in this world, pushing back the darkness by physically caring for women while pointing them to the One who became vulnerable in order to make them whole (Matt.5:14-16).

The hardship, humility, and reward of motherhood
By / May 6

Many women dream of being mothers. And if God grants that gift, whether biologically or through adoption, they quickly discover that while it is full of joy, it is also full of hardship. It’s a call to lay down your life over and over again. That’s why only the Lord can fuel and sustain moms as they care for little lives and cultivate little hearts. Kristen Wetherell knows this truth and encourages weary moms in her new book, Humble Moms: How the Work of Christ Sustains the Work of Motherhood. Below, she answers questions about burnout, mom guilt, and the satisfaction of Christ. 

Elizabeth Bristow: You recently wrote a book on motherhood called Humble Moms. With Mother’s Day approaching, give our readers a brief synopsis of the book and the message you hope to convey.

Kristen Wetherell: Humble Moms is a journey through John’s Gospel, looking at the humble heart and work of Jesus, and how he lives to serve his people (moms included). It is not a parenting book or a list of to-dos, but biblical meditations on God’s Son, who humbly serves us moms not only in hand, but in heart. My hope is to give hard-working and weary moms a deep breath and a chance to rest as they gaze at Christ and his sustaining work on their behalf. 

EB: According to a 2020 survey of 3,169 respondents, 41% of moms are feeling burnout frequently and 51% of working moms said they feel burnout frequently or always. Why do you think this is, and what can we do to reverse this statistic? 

KW: Three factors come to mind: the heart, the work, and the culture. First, by nature, our hearts want to be like God: without limits and everywhere, always. As moms, this desire can tend to burn us out as we seek to be everything to everyone, which is impossible for us. Second, the work of motherhood is hard. Period. It is a sacrificial job that often requires us to lay down our desires, plans, and preferences for our kids. Every type of work has been affected by the fall into sin, and that includes motherhood (so you’re not crazy, mom, for thinking it is hard!). Thirdly, I think moms are burnt out because our lives and faithfulness is no longer private, but on display for the world to see and critique through social media and the internet. We’re so busy looking side-to-side, comparing ourselves with others, that the possibilities feel overwhelming and the sense of failure, crushing. We need our eyes fixed on Someone better.

EB: What advice would you give to the mom who feels exhausted from taking care of her family?

KW: Ask for help. You are not God, and you were never meant to be. You have permission to be human (whew!): to need to stop and sleep, to need some helping hands, to need a Savior and Lord who is perfectly able to do everything you can’t. So, ask for help: first, from the Lord. He loves it when you come to him; that is why he came to you in the first place, to rescue you and carry you. He delights to serve you.

Then, if you are married, ask for help from your husband. Most of us don’t receive help from our hubbies because we don’t ask for it, and they can’t read our minds! Ask for help from friends, especially sisters in Christ from your local church, both peers and older women. God’s church is his body, his hands and feet doing his work in the world, so let others be his presence to you. They will be blessed in return.

You weren’t meant to do this motherhood thing alone; let God and his people serve you. As my senior pastor has said, “Jesus has more to give you than you have yet to receive” (John 10:10). 

EB: We live in a culture that rewards us to hustle, be more, and achieve more. In your book, you write that “hustle doesn’t necessarily equal faithfulness.” How do you challenge moms to allow themselves permission to rest?

KW: We need to know that hustle doesn’t necessarily equal faithfulness, that at the end of the day, what matters is that we are faithful to Christ. Jesus said to his disciples in John 12:26, “If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.” The culture bids us to hustle — to accomplish more and become more and earn more — in order to be great moms; but Christ bids us to become less, to become servants, and rest in him. 

And how do we do that? By trusting that he is enough on our behalf, that he accomplished all we never could through his perfect obedience to the Father, and that our calling as moms is to follow him out of gratitude and love for him, by the power he supplies. I love what Pastor Bryan Chappell says: “We strive best when we are most rested.”

Think about how Jesus rested in his Father. Even when he was hours away from an excruciating death, he was at rest because he knew who he belonged to and where he was headed (John 13:3). Similarly, when we moms know we belong to Christ, that he is with us, and that we are headed into a glorious future with him (and all because of his grace), we are compelled to work for him from a heart of humility and gratitude. Our rest in Christ motivates and empowers our work for Christ.

It is this humble posture of service that made (and makes) Jesus great. And so, it is a humble posture of service before Jesus that makes a mom great. This is our great challenge: to rest ourselves on him.

EB: In our culture, social media often inflicts “mom guilt” and self comparison. What advice do you give to the mom who might be struggling with inadequacy? 

KW: Three pieces of advice: One, your intention to serve your kids well and do right by them means that you love them. And that is a very good, God-given calling. You can praise him for that, and keep loving your kids. 

Two, you need to know that you are inadequate, and that acknowledgment brings freedom, if we let it. You were never meant to be God! Only he is and has everything your kids need. So when you mess up and sin against your kids (and the Lord), let your guilt drive you to the throne of grace. When you can’t discern between true guilt and false guilt, ask God to search and know your heart, and know he is greater; he has covered and overcome your guilt at the cross. When you are reminded you are limited and inadequate, let that lead you to worship the One who isn’t and let it rest you in Christ’s perfectly adequate, righteous record, which has become yours by faith. 

Third, take a break from social media. Clear your mind, and release your heart from it. This has been one of the most helpful things for me.

EB: Talk about your own experience as a mother of two kids. How do you ground yourself in truth when you feel weary from motherhood? How has Christ sustained you on the hard days?

KW: Jesus says that we do not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God (Matt. 4:4). So when I am weary and discouraged, I need my faith in Christ strengthened; I need sustenance for my soul. So I turn to my Bible where Jesus reminds me of who he is and what he’s accomplished on my behalf. That’s the first thing I do to survive, before the day even begins.

Once the day gets going and the needs start rolling in — once my lower back starts hurting and the kids start crying all at once and there isn’t enough of me to go around — I need to rely on God’s moment-by-moment grace to sustain me. I don’t look too far ahead (I can’t, or I’ll crumble), and I take a deep breath. Sometimes I cry, knowing Jesus cares for me and feels compassion for me, that he knows what it is to be weak. I pick up my phone and text some friends for prayer — and I am reminded that Jesus is also praying for me right now in heaven. That gives me strength.

And honestly, some days I collapse onto the couch at night not even sure how I got through, and feeling discouraged that I didn’t consciously think about God that day. But I know God thought about me, cared for me, and carried me. I know he is actively serving and loving me, remaining faithful, even when I am faithless. Humble and needy is the best place we can be as moms. 

EB: What encouragement can you give to expectant moms who feel overwhelmed and unprepared to step into motherhood?

KW: I thought about that mom the whole time I was writing this book! I have been that mom, and whew!, how I needed a book that would give me permission to stop and rest. I have certainly been blessed and helped by motherhood books, but most of them made me feel more tired. They somehow added to my already-full plate and depleted body. I desperately wanted to write a book that would invite an expectant or new mom to rest in Christ, to enjoy him, to worship, and to wonder freshly at his heart and work on their behalf. 

EB: Many women struggle with infertility and long to experience the gift of motherhood. What encouragement would you give to a woman who is longing and expectant?

KW: Oh, I have been there. I would say, let your longing drive you to two things: expectant prayer to the Lord, and submissive waiting on him. We can do both. We can lament and live in the tension between assurance of God’s goodness and the unknown future. Use the Psalms to help you pray and wait well. They have been wonderful friends to me in times of sadness and uncertainty.

EB: How can we have a healthy view of our identity as mothers? How can we avoid wrapping our whole identity in that role?  

KW: We need our minds aligned with God’s and what he says about us, so I would encourage every mom to make it her holy habit to steep her mind and heart in Scripture, which is the very mind of God. Commit yourself to a local church, where you are able to serve in various ways and see yourself as a member of the body of Christ. Another reason we struggle with identity as moms is because the culture degrades and devalues that role, thinking it beneath other ambitions, so it feels natural to want to cast it off. But motherhood is a very Christlike calling. It is a privilege and a joy to be a mom, but our identity is ultimately in Christ. 

EB: How can we show honor to moms as a church?

KW: Pray for us. Acknowledge our work. Come alongside us, building us up in the faith (through faithful preaching, small groups, Bible studies, and women’s and children’s ministries). Reach out to a mom you know personally, and offer to help her in a practical way (or take her kids!). Tell us we are doing a hard thing, and that we’re doing it well. All of these things are honoring both to us and to Jesus.

How the overwhelmed mom can start to reduce stress
By / Nov 22

Due to the pandemic, more emphasis has been placed on mental health. Stress, anxiety, and depression are at the forefront of discussions. However, mothers have suffered from stress long before COVID-19 hit. Careers, parental responsibilities, household chores, and guilt — especially during the holidays — can leave moms feeling burned out. Outside factors (i.e., societal upheaval, finances, etc.) only add to stressful feelings.

As a mom, stress can negatively influence the parent-child relationship. Chronically stressed mothers are more likely to be emotionally unavailable for their children and have a higher risk of developing mental health issues. Dealing with chronic stress can free moms to better handle the big emotions of their children and the day-to-day struggles of life.

Signs of stress

Though we hear a lot about stress, many of us don’t talk about it or understand its effects. What is stress? Stress can be defined as our body’s response to pressure that causes feelings of physical or emotional tension. When we initially encounter a danger or threat, our bodies react with a flight-or-fight response, known as acute stress, causing our nervous system to pump adrenaline into our bodies. If the threat or stress doesn’t subside, our body releases stress hormones. The result of these physiological responses includes: a faster pulse, an increase in blood pressure, changes in airways, extra oxygen to the brain, heightened senses, and changes in blood vessels. These responses are beneficial during times of danger.1Bruce S. McEwen (2007) Physiology and Neurobiology of Stress and Adaptation: Central Role of the Brain. Physiological Reviews, 87 (3), 873-904.

After the stressful event ends, the parasympathetic nervous system will then “reset” the body, stopping the rush of hormones. Problems with stress typically arrive when stress doesn’t cease and our bodies continue to pump stress hormones into our bodies. Acute stress becomes chronic stress.2Sharma DK (2018) Physiology of Stress and its Management. Journal of Medicine Study and Research, 1 (1).

How do you know if you are experiencing chronic stress? Chances are you “feel” stressed, but here are some warning signs:

  • Physical: Chest pain, headaches, GI issues, fatigue, high blood pressure, heart issues, weakened immune system
  • Behavioral: Sleep disturbances, irrational fears, anxiety attacks
  • Cognitive: Rumination, difficulty concentrating
  • Emotional: Irritability, crying, angry, bitterness, mood disorders
  • Relational: Blame shifting, short-fused
  • Spiritual: Disconnected, unrepentant sin, anger toward God, complacency

9 stress-reduction tips

If you can identify with the warning signs, you may be living in a state of chronic stress. So, what can you do about it? You can start by acknowledging two facts: 

  • All stress won’t fully cease to exist on this side of eternity. Stress is a natural consequence of the fall (Genesis 3). Original sin brought the commencement of brokenness into the world, and brokenness causes stress. 
  • God designed us with limitations, and those limitations are for our good. Operating within God’s boundaries can help reduce stress.

With those two things in mind, I want to share a few tips to improve stress levels and live within God’s limitations. It may not be possible to accomplish every suggestion all at once, so start small. Pick one or two stress-reducing items, and do those consistently. You can build upon your progress over time by adding other stress relievers. 

Life-enhancing tasks: God has given us a brain to acquire knowledge. Learning a new skill helps stockpile cognitive reserves. Improvement in cognitive functioning provides a greater ability to deal with stress. For overwhelmed mothers with little free time, try to eliminate a life-draining item first (i.e., social media), and replace it with a life-enhancing task (i.e., educational audiobook).

Thinking patterns: A mother’s perception of her parental role and responsibilities plays a key factor in stress levels. Do you view motherhood as a God-given role or a burden? Believing motherhood is unimportant creates feelings of being trapped, which is stressful. Any thought regarding motherhood as insignificant needs to be taken captive, as it goes against God’s Word (1 Cor. 10:5) and harms the parent-child relationship. Thought logs and journals can help uncover negative thinking patterns or lies that trap us, while memorizing Scripture gives truth to combat negative thinking.

Physical activities: God created our bodies to depend upon certain physical activities. Those activities, as repeatedly shown in clinical research, also help reduce stress. Here are some of them:

  • Exercise: Our bodies were made for movement. Things like exercise lead to anti-inflammatory responses, better physical health, improved memory, increased attention, and overall better brain functioning. Do you have trouble exercising because you are always with children? Put them in a stroller or have them ride their bikes, and get moving with them!3Jackson, EM.(2013) Stress Relief: The Role of Exercise in Stress Management. ACSM’s Journal of Health and Fitness. 17 (3). 14-19
  • Sleep: Sleeping the recommended amount can be tough, especially for moms whose children don’t sleep through the night. However, it isn’t just moms with little kids who are sleep deprived. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), approximately 1 in 3 adults do not obtain the recommended amount of sleep, which is 7–9 hours. Sleep deprivation can contribute to weight gain, irritability, lack of concentration, fatigue, and health issues, all of which exacerbate stress. To get better sleep, try committing to an appropriate bedtime and nighttime routine, eliminating electronics an hour before bed, and consulting with your doctor if you struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep. And don’t forget to take naps.4https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2013/sleep&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1637336158909000&usg=AOvVaw2jSfg81f3A9rSXyFa7cCQz
  • Healthy eating: Our bodies need certain nutrients to thrive and feel good. A poor diet can lead to vitamin deficiency, creating a whole host of negative physical and emotional side effects. Eating healthy can reduce health issues, which in turn, reduces stress. 

Rest: Research suggests relaxation and meditation are two avenues to counteract stress. As Christians, we know God has called us to rest (Sabbath), pray, and meditate specifically on his Word. God even modeled the Sabbath for us when he created the world. It’s okay, even commanded, to rest from our to-do lists.

Community: Throughout Genesis we see all the good things God made, until his statement in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone.” God created us for relationships. In fact, our brains are hardwired to need others.5Siegel, D., & Bryson, T. (2012) The Whole Brain Child. Bantam Book. Find other Christians to connect with so you can “carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2 NIV). 

Enjoyment: God wants us to enjoy good things. He made the sunset beautiful, food delicious, and friendship necessary — for his glory and our pleasure. Pleasurable activities like vacations, date nights, and coffee with friends are all good things and can help reduce stress. The caution lies in making good things into idols. Moderation and right perception about pleasurable activities are key. 

Ask for help: Acknowledging that we do not encompass every spiritual gift or every skill frees us to ask others for help. Partnering with others reflects God’s beautiful design of diversity and gives others opportunities to utilize their God-given gifts. Trying to do everything independently creates stress, and can be a form of pride, so ask others for help.

Flexibility: Chaos feels hectic and stressful. Why? We were created in God’s image, and he is not chaotic (1 Cor. 14:33 NIV). To help reduce chaos and stress, create a flexible schedule for you and your family.

Finances: Failing to use our finances wisely is a major source of stress. God gives us principles in Scripture that help us steward what he’s given us for his glory. Obeying God’s Word and putting money in its proper place reduces stress. How we use our resources will look different from person to person, but there is no doubt that Christians are not to be slaves to money. The Money Challenge by Art Rainer, and Redeeming Money by Paul David Tripp are two recommended reads for financial management.

Motherhood is a profound, but sometimes stressful, God-given role. He will give you what you need to care for your children. And remember, even amongst the stress, God is using motherhood to sanctify you and your children to look more like Christ.

For more information from Dr. Sarah Rainer on “The Overwhelmed Mom,” check out The Mom Village Podcasts: part 1 and part 2.

  • 1
    Bruce S. McEwen (2007) Physiology and Neurobiology of Stress and Adaptation: Central Role of the Brain. Physiological Reviews, 87 (3), 873-904.
  • 2
    Sharma DK (2018) Physiology of Stress and its Management. Journal of Medicine Study and Research, 1 (1).
  • 3
    Jackson, EM.(2013) Stress Relief: The Role of Exercise in Stress Management. ACSM’s Journal of Health and Fitness. 17 (3). 14-19
  • 4
    https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2013/sleep&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1637336158909000&usg=AOvVaw2jSfg81f3A9rSXyFa7cCQz
  • 5
    Siegel, D., & Bryson, T. (2012) The Whole Brain Child. Bantam Book.

When Mother’s Day brings pain
By / May 7

Mother’s Day can be bittersweet for many. One in 10 couples struggle with infertility, and approximately 10 to 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriages. For many women who long to have a child, Mother’s Day can serve as a difficult reminder of what they desire, but do not have. The potential pain of Mother’s Day extends further still — for women have chosen an adoption plan for their child, single women who desire to be married and have a family, or women who have had an abortion. And others might be grieving the loss of or navigating a difficult relationship with their mother.

Waiting

Personally, Mother’s Day can be filled with conflicting emotions. I was born with a somewhat rare medical condition that prevents me from bearing biological children. The loss of that dream feels especially poignant this time of year. But I also have a desire to honor my own mother and mother-in-law and celebrate the women in my life who are mothers. Romans 12:15 is often on my lips as I navigate these tensions and seek to “rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

My husband and I are in the process of an international adoption from India. This Mother’s Day, I feel the strange tension of pursuing motherhood but not yet stepping into the role of “mother.” I’m waiting for paperwork to be approved, for a social worker to deem us eligible to be parents, and to be matched with a child. But I know that waiting is not in vain. 

As an adoptee myself, I’m aware that my children’s stories will contain trauma. Even if our children are adopted young, there is trauma involved any time there’s a break in the natural family. The issue of adoption and child welfare is deeply important to me. I’ve spent time and energy navigating the complexities of these issues in order to advocate on behalf of vulnerable children. While we wait, we are reading books on trauma-informed parenting, listening to seminars, and gleaning wisdom from other adoptive parents so that we can love our children well. Our waiting is not in vain.

Watching 

We’re also watching the devastating effects of the COVID-19 pandemic in India with broken hearts. According to the BBC, “India has seen more than 300,000 new cases a day for nearly two weeks straight while deaths stand at 220,000. Experts say total Covid cases and deaths in India are likely to be much higher, citing lack of testing and patients dying at home without being seen by doctors.” The images and stories we’re witnessing have caused global alarm and attention. I can’t help but wonder how many children will be orphaned because of the thousands of COVID-19 deaths. 

Praying 

As we watch and wait, we do the best thing we know how to do: We pray. We lift up our future children in prayer almost daily. They might not be known to us, but they are known to our Father, and in that, we take great comfort. We pray for their safety and protection. We pray for their biological parents and the challenging circumstances that led them to making an adoption plan for their children. We pray for the leaders in India to make good and wise decisions for their citizens. We pray for the souls of our children, that they might come to know the Lord as their Savior at a young age.

In my waiting, I often echo the words of David, “O my Strength, I will watch for you, for you, O God, are my fortress.” Waiting can often feel helpless, but Psalm 27:14 reminds us to “be strong, and let your heart take courage” as we “wait for the Lord.” I fix my eyes upon the Lord and ask him to fill me with his strength when I feel weak. 

If you find yourself in a season of waiting right now, allow me to remind you that you are never alone in your struggle. Psalm 38:9 reminds us that “all our longing is before God; our sighing is not hidden from Him.” The Lord promises never to leave or forsake his children. He promises to be good and to set his steadfast love upon us. When you feel overwhelmed and discouraged, on Mother’s Day or any time, press into the promises of the Lord. 

Are you underestimating your ordinary days?
By / Jan 8

Since becoming a mom, I always feel speechless when people ask me how my week was. I give them a blank stare while I try to think about it. I’m always grasping for something that happened that was a big deal, or an event, or something with some element of excitement to it. Sometimes I do have something exciting to share (or at least my mommy mundane version of exciting—got a toddler potty-trained, anyone?), but most of the time I don’t even remember what happened in the last week, because it’s so muddled up with the ordinary busyness of motherhood. 

Monotony can be disheartening. There are times when I have to put on my cap of duty and just get the bathroom cleaned. Or when I’m tired of taking my boys to the same places to play over and over again. Sometimes it feels as if I just planned my meals yesterday and now I already have to think about what we’ll eat this week, and then shop for it all. Again. 

I spend the majority of my time taking care of my family and my home. I tell my boys to stop fighting, and 15 minutes later I’m saying it again. I begin the evening’s meal preparation, even though I just put away dishes from our previous meal. Care-taking contains a litany of repetitive tasks: changing diapers, infant feedings, nap schedules (if you have one), getting children out the door in time for school, homework, baths, and bedtime routines. Every day is fundamentally the same. 

When it comes to our everyday tasks, life can feel very ordinary; not so special or exciting. We live in a culture that values, and lives for, the big and exciting things of life: such as new babies, weddings, family vacations, or a big birthday party. These are the moments captured on Instagram.

Repetition built into creation

Repetition has a way of blurring our days together. It can make everything feel colorless and faded, and as if those bigger exciting moments are the only splashes of color. But what if we’re underestimating these ordinary days and repetitive tasks? What if we’re missing something? The mundane moments of motherhood are difficult, but the mundane beauties can be missed: cuddling on the couch to read a book together, having heart-to-heart talks, spotting an act of kindness between siblings, praying together, and talking about Jesus and the gospel. These are all sweet parts of this repetition. These are ordinary moments for eternity. 

We need to discover how to spot these daily beauties and cherish them—because God created them. He made repetition.

Think about our world for a moment. Every day the sun rises and sets; every day the moon waxes or wanes; and every day these acts praise their Creator. In his book Orthodoxy, G.K. Chesterton mentions how the repetition of the sun’s rising might not be due to a lifelessness, but due to a rush of life. Chesterton compares the repetition found in nature to a child’s enjoyment in repeating the same games and songs. He says this is because children have “fierce and free spirits”; their joy in repetition is due to excess of life, not absence.

Chesterton then says,

“For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, ‘Do it again’ to the sun; and every evening, ‘Do it again’ to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that he has the eternal appetite of infancy . . . . The repetition in Nature may not be a mere recurrence; it may be a theatrical encore.”1G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy (Moody Publishers, 2009), p 92

The act of repetition can be a thing of beauty all by itself. For example, we’re called to repeat the Lord’s Supper as a church body (1 Cor. 11:23-25), and as we repeat this act it becomes imprinted upon us—informing us about Christ and about ourselves. We’re teaching ourselves the gospel over and over. As we know from observing our children, things must be repeated if they are to be learned. So, we must come again and again to the communion table—and to worship, prayer, and God’s Word—if we are to become more like Jesus.

Someday we’ll be more fully like God and no longer grow tired of repetition. We will have the “eternal appetite of infancy,” as Chesterton expressed, and will exult in the joyful monotony of worship. We’ll cry, “Encore!” every time we worship the Lamb of God who was slain for our sins. Until then, we are given tastes of this beauty here on earth as we repeat our tasks of mothering. 

The little things add up to big things

It’s the little things we are called to. The day in and day out. The minute by minute. These little moments that can feel so monotonous have the power to shape you and your children. This poem by Julie A.F. Carney called Little Things, that I’ve read with my own children, is a great reminder of this:

Little drops of waters, 
Little grains of sand, 
Make the mighty ocean
And the pleasant land.
Thus the little moments,
Humble though they be,
Make the mighty ages
Of eternity.2Gyo Fujikawa, A Child’s Book of Poems (Sterling Children’s Books, 2007), p 89.

Just as many tiny droplets make up one vast ocean, so all of our days are made up of tiny moments. We don’t always see the bigger picture when we’re teaching our children a Bible verse, or probing their hearts, or spending time with them. Capturing the little things is what motherhood is about. When we train our children (talk to them, ask probing questions, and then pray with them)—or when we instruct them in God’s Word and help them apply it to the everyday struggles in their lives—then we are capturing the little things that will add up to big things. This is the glory found in the mundane. These are the most important times. May we be ever mindful of the Spirit’s work in these seemingly insignificant moments. 

When we read the Bible, we see the Holy Spirit move in miraculous and seemingly impossible ways. His ways seem so big and exciting. But for us today, the majority of the time, we will see the Holy Spirit work in little things. He works on us and our children moment by moment, day by day, little by little. He is changing us one step at a time. He is working through our repetitive tasks to change our hearts and the hearts of our children. He is working through every Bible verse, every moment of instruction, every prayer, every conversation. He works through our actions of serving care and nurturing kindness (even in the times when our heart attitude doesn’t match our actions). 

Feeding your child when they are hungry, changing a dirty diaper, bathing your child, and scrubbing the dishes all show your child Christlike service. You are their first glimpses of a Savior. But we don’t always see it until those little workings of the Spirit bear fruit and flower into something bigger (Gal. 5:22-23). We have to have faith in the Spirit’s work when we can’t see the big picture in the ordinary moments of motherhood. We can ask the Holy Spirit for help, so we can remain steadfast and faithful in the mundane tasks before us everyday. 

This is an extract from The End of Me by Liz Wann, which helps moms find resurrection life in the daily sacrifices of motherhood. This short, easy-to-read book encourages mothers to depend on Christ when they reach their limit. The book will be available in March 2021 on The Good Book Company website, Amazon, and wherever books are sold. 

  • 1
    G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy (Moody Publishers, 2009), p 92
  • 2
    Gyo Fujikawa, A Child’s Book of Poems (Sterling Children’s Books, 2007), p 89.

What’s your encouragement for working moms?
By / Mar 5

Courtney Reissig shares some advice for working moms. Courtney is a wife, mother, writer, and speaker.

Follow Courtney on Twitter: @courtneyreissig

Psalm 139 Project Places Ultrasound Machine in Downtown Pregnancy Center in Dallas
By / Oct 13

DALLAS, Texas, Oct. 13, 2018—The Psalm 139 Project has placed an ultrasound machine at the Downtown Pregnancy Center in Dallas, Daniel Darling announced Saturday during the fifth annual ERLC National Conference on “The Cross-Shaped Family.” 

The machine was placed at the Dallas pregnancy center this summer by Focus on the Family and the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission through their Evangelicals for Life partnership. 

Last month, the Psalm 139 Project placed an ultrasound machine at the Liberty Women’s Clinic in Liberty, Mo., which will allow the clinic to increase their capacity for appointments by 37% in 2019. 

“We are thrilled to work with the heroic staff and volunteers at the Downtown Pregnancy Center in Dallas as they serve women all across the metroplex,” said Darling, vice-president of communications at the ERLC. “We are thankful for our Southern Baptist brothers and sisters who have invested and given sacrificially to care for unborn children and serve women in crisis. I am excited to see how God will use this ultrasound machine and Downtown Pregnancy Center in Dallas to continue Gospel work and further the church’s mission to stand alongside the most vulnerable in society.

The Psalm 139 Project is a ministry of the Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention focused on aiding pregnancy resource centers in securing ultrasound machines. In addition to the Missouri and Dallas placements, The Psalm 139 Project also plans to place a machine in New Orleans this year as well. 

“When women come to our center contemplating abortion, we desire to educate them not only about abortion, but also fetal development,” said Carolyn Cline, president and CEO of Downtown Pregnancy Center. “When sharing this medically accurate information, 62 percent of women counseled choose life. But, when we’re able to provide key medical services, especially ultrasounds, 85 percent of women choose life! We call the sonogram machine the ‘God machine’ because it reveals God’s handiwork in its most vulnerable and delicate state, allowing mothers to bond with the baby in their womb.”

Since 2004, the Psalm 139 Project has provided ultrasound equipment for pregnancy care centers in Texas, Indiana, Colorado, Mississippi, Florida, Arizona, Ohio, Maryland, Missouri and Tennessee. 

One hundred percent of financial contributions donated to the Psalm 139 Project go toward purchasing sonogram machines and providing training for workers. Tax-deductible gifts may be made to ERLC, 901 Commerce Street, Nashville, Tenn., 37203. Learn more at psalm139project.com.

How you can learn to love your birth mom
By / Jul 24

I remember exactly where I was when I felt grateful for what my birth mom did.

I’ve always been thankful for my life, and I’ve always known that what my birth mom did was an incredible thing. My adoptive parents—the people I call Mom and Dad—have done a great job of making sure I knew that what my birth mom did was extraordinary. The selfless act of giving me up, of making sure I was raised in a loving home with two godly parents has been elevated in our home.

What she did was a big deal. It is a big deal. But I don’t know if I’ve truly believed that in my heart of hearts. I do now, though.

I love birthdays. Mine, yours, anyone’s. I think birthdays are important, and I enjoy planning the celebration for friends and family as much (if not more) than I enjoy being celebrated. The first birthday I celebrated after I graduated college and had moved away from home for my job was just a couple of years ago. It hit me as I was driving home from celebrating that if it weren’t for my birth mom, I wouldn’t get to have birthdays or celebrate anyone’s birthday. She gave me the opportunity to have birthdays.

It almost seems like it’s commonplace in our culture these days to have abortions. I hear about it often through conversations at work or by just reading something on the internet. It absolutely breaks my heart. And lately, my heart has turned toward my birth mom. How in the world could she have done something so incredibly selfless? Only through God’s grace.

I don’t think it’s easy to have a heart turn positively toward your birth mom. Sometimes, sure. But, lots of times, there are many questions turning in our head. “Why did she give me up? Did she not want me? Was I a mistake?”

I know a lot about my adoption, but I don’t really know my birth mom’s side. Through God’s sovereignty, I’ve been able to speak to my birth dad about some things, but to be honest, those questions still plague me. And if I keep asking them, my heart turns bitter toward her. I can easily get mad at her for what she did in giving me up. Society—and my flesh—would back me 100 percent if I decided to have this attitude all the time. I would be supported in my frustration and anger, my annoyance and pain, and my pity parties.

But, I don’t follow the path of society. I don’t say this lightly. The Christian life isn’t easy, and we will have tribulations. For some of us, that’s cancer or a miscarriage or growing up in a single parent home. I’ve had my fair share of troubles. My life has been good, but it hasn’t always been easy. Coming to a place where I can truly say I love my birth mom, where I am so incredibly grateful for what she did, and where I do not have anger in my heart when I think about her wasn’t—and still isn’t—easy.

Just like I imagine it was hard for her to give me up. I don’t have children yet, but I’ve been privileged to love two boys as “nephews” and other children as my students. I wouldn’t for one second want to give a single one of them up, and my love isn’t even a mother’s love.

What my birth mom did was radical. And what God did in my heart the night I started to truly become grateful for my birth mom was just as radical.

It’s okay to wonder why your birth mom gave you up.

There are times when I wonder if I’ll ever meet my birth mom and have the chance to say these things to her. For years, all I wanted to do was have a conversation with her, face to face, and ask her why she did what she did. I wanted answers, reasons, and facts. Now I just want her to know that I think what she did was brave, selfless, and courageous.

Like I said, this wasn’t an easy place to get to, but I do think this a place all adoptees who love Jesus and may be struggling with their attitude toward their birth mom can get to. Here are four things I’ve found helpful as I’ve learned to love my birth mom—even from a distance.

  1. Pray for her: You may not even know her name, but the beauty of serving a God as big as ours is that he knows. He knows the number of hairs you have on your head, so I can guarantee that he knows your birth mom’s name. If you’re thinking of her or just wondering why she did what she did, give it all to the Lord. You don’t know how he’s going to use that, but I know that my prayers for my birth mom helped change my attitude toward her—even when I didn’t know my attitude toward her needed adjusting.
  2. Go to counseling: Seriously, going to a godly, Christian counselor in regards to my adoption and my relationship with my birth mom was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. There are good Christian counselors out there who have been gifted with wisdom from the Lord and are willing to walk through the tough questions you may have.
  3. Ask the tough questions: I think those questions need to be asked. I think it’s okay to wonder why your birth mom gave you up. It’s helpful to process those questions with people who understand what it’s like to be adopted and with those who don’t. Just don’t stay in that spot. Wrestle with the feelings, seek godly counsel, and keep living your life.
  4. Thank God for your life and what he’s given you: My mom recently told me I needed to count my blessings in regards to a hard situation I’m walking through. It wasn’t necessarily the advice I wanted to hear in that moment, but in reality, it was some of the best she could give me. I fully believe that thankfulness changes a bitter heart. So, if your heart is angry or bitter, thank him for what he has given you—and maybe what he’s saved you from. Think about what your life could have been like if your birth mom didn’t place you for adoption, and thank him for rescuing you from that. Maybe your life, adopted or not, is still hard—but there are plenty of things you can be thankful for, I’m sure.  

And to the birth moms out there, please know this: I think what you have done is incredible. You have a strength that blows me away. Please don’t buy into the lie that you were a coward for not raising your baby. You are a champion for seeing that what you could give your child wasn’t the best, and you chose to do what was best for your baby—even if that meant not raising your child, yet still giving your child life. Thank you.

To the childless on Mother’s Day
By / May 11

Mother’s Day can be one of the most joyful days of the year. Americans will buy flowers, cards, fancy meals, and gifts in an attempt to physically show our mothers how much we care about them. But for many, it’s one of the most painful days of the year, too. Perhaps we’ve lost our mother, or our mother wasn’t what we needed her to be. Perhaps she was physically present, but emotionally absent. Or most painful of all, maybe we long for motherhood, but it’s elusive. We’re the often forgotten group—we’re the childless.

As a childless woman, Mother’s Day can be a painful reminder of what I don’t have, and what I long for. Whether your season of childlessness is temporary or permanent, whether you’ve walked through miscarriages, infertility or barrenness, remember that you’re not alone. One in 10 couples struggle with infertility, and even more have lost precious little ones—either in the womb or outside of it. It can be easy to feel alienated and forgotten on Mother’s Day, because everyone is busy celebrating, and your heart is busy breaking.

There are a few thoughts I’d like to whisper into your weary soul this Mother’s Day:

1. Cry out to the Lord: The Bible is filled with raw and emotional cries to the Lord. In many of the psalms, we see David’s honest groans, because the pain in his heart is more than he can bear alone.

“O Lord, all my longing is before you; my sighing is not hidden from you.”  Psa. 38:9

“Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses.” Psa. 25:16-17

“How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?” Psa. 13:1-2

The Lord knows the pain of your heart. Cry out to him. Don’t hold back in your sorrow or your suffering. Prayer is one of the greatest gifts, because it allows us to pour our weary souls into the hands of our Savior. You don’t have to clean yourself up before you pray; you can come to him upset, crying, frustrated and sad. Tears give emotion a way out, and the Scripture informs our emotions of truth. These two go hand-in-hand as we journey through life’s difficult paths.

2. Surround yourself with people who love you: Don’t walk through this day alone. Let close friends and family know that Mother’s Day is difficult. It’s okay to ask for help and tell others that you’re hurting. People don’t often know you’re hurting unless you tell them. Allow the church to wrap around you and care for your soul. Invite tender and gentle people to share in your sufferings, to love you, listen to you, sit with you while you cry and to be present. Sometimes what we need most is a hug, a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on. It might feel difficult or uncomfortable to allow people into your grief, but the Lord gave us community for a reason. We were designed to live life together, as a band of believers, all working for the same goal—to glorify the Lord as we walk toward heaven.

It’s easy to feel like your lack of children defines you. Childlessness can be all-consuming. But if you’re a Christian, the core of your identity is rooted in Christ.

3. Stay off social media: Social media has a way of stirring up discontentment and dissatisfaction. This is especially true on a day that vividly reminds you of what you lack. Your soul will benefit greatly from a break and a breath of fresh air. Consider pushing pause on your phone for the day or even the weekend. You might think it’s no big deal, and hopping on facebook for 15 minutes to relax might seem like a good idea, but scrolling through post after post of mothers and children probably won’t do your soul any good. It’s better to err on the side of caution than to find yourself in the midst of a breakdown because you’ve seen one too many posts about babies.

4. Childlessness does not define you: It’s easy to feel like your lack of children defines you. Childlessness can be all-consuming. But if you’re a Christian, the core of your identity is rooted in Christ, not in your ability to bear babies. Fix your eyes on him, and allow your soul to be saturated in your true identity. Being God’s child should be the primary thing that defines the childless. It’s okay to grieve over the unfulfilled desire, but do so in a way that shows that your ultimate hope, joy and satisfaction is found in being God’s child, not having your own child.

And pastors, as you preach on Mother’s Day, please don’t forget the childless in your congregation. Most of life is bittersweet; we rejoice with those that rejoice and mourn with those that mourn, and Mother’s day is no different. You can be a healing balm for someone’s weary and wounded soul. The longing for parenthood is a good but often unfulfilled desire, and the words you speak can have the power to point people to the heart of our Abba Father. May the church be a safe haven for the hurting this Mother’s Day.

5 facts about mothers and Mother’s Day
By / May 11

This Sunday is Mother’s Day. Here are five facts you should know about the holiday and about mothers in America:

1. In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson issued a presidential proclamation that officially established the first national Mother’s Day holiday to celebrate America’s mothers. Many individual states celebrated Mother’s Day before then, but it was not until Wilson lobbied Congress in 1914 that Mother’s Day was officially set on the second Sunday of every May.

2. President Wilson established Mother’s Day after years of lobbying by the mother of the holiday, Anna Marie Jarvis and the World’s Sunday School Association. Anna Jarvis’ mother, Ann Jarvis, had attempted to establish a version of Mother’s Day during the Civil War as a time for remembrance. By the 1920s, though, Anna Jarvis became disgusted by the commercialization of the holiday. She incorporated herself as the Mother’s Day International Association, trademarked the phrases “second Sunday in May” and “Mother’s Day”, and was once arrested for disturbing the peace at a Mother’s Day carnation sale. According to her New York Times obituary, Jarvis became embittered because too many people sent their mothers a printed greeting card. As she said, “A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother—and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment.”

3. Based on the latest Census figures (2014), there were 43.5 million mothers between the ages of 15 and 50 in 2014. These mothers gave birth to 95.8 million children. Out of those, 3.9 million women had given birth in the past 12 months. Overall, 22.3 percent of women ages 15 to 50 in 2014 had given birth to two children. About 42.4 percent had no children, 17 percent had one, 11.7 percent had three, and about 6.8 percent had four or more.

4. In 2015, the percentage of unmarried women ages 15 to 50 who had a birth in the past 12 months was 35.7 percent. About 64.3 percent of women ages 15 to 50 who had a birth in the past 12 months were married.

5. Five mothers are mentioned by name in the genealogy of Jesus (Matthew 1:1-17): Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, and Mary.