What you should know about the addiction aspect of pornography
By / Mar 6

Addiction can manifest in many forms. Individuals can find themselves addicted to chemical substances, in addition to processes and behaviors. Process addictions, such as a pornography addiction, are equally as damaging to the brain as substance-related addiction, and therefore can lead to significant impact on one’s mental health. 

The Bible’s teaching on sexuality and the inherent dignity of all people should lead us to declare that pornography is a moral scourge, with spiritual consequences for all of those involved. But as we seek to serve those affected by it, research has provided us an opportunity to also understand the physical realities pornography inflicts upon a person. 

Today, more than half of the global population has access to the internet. While the growth of access to the internet can be viewed as something positive in general, it can also be viewed as something negative, or harmful. The ability to access internet pornography is now easy and anonymous and has opened the door for a serious health crisis. Pornography has even been referred to as the “new drug” to fight in the world of addictions. 

Pornography: What, when and where

Sexual material on the internet can take a variety of forms ranging from educational information about sexual practices to real-time, virtual sex shows. It is difficult to define but many scholars agree that at the most basic level, pornography is any sexually arousing material used as a sexual outlet. 1Grubbs, J. B., Kraus, S. W., & Perry, S. L. (2019). Self-reported addiction to pornography in a nationally representative sample: The roles of use habits, religiousness, and moral incongruence. Journal of Behavioral Addictions. 8, 88–93. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.7.2018.134

Pornographic material can include:

  • sexually explicit photographs in magazines,
  • movies,
  • internet images or online audio,
  • webcam footage,
  • computer-generated pornography,
  • and sexually explicit pictures texted via mobile devices (Giordano, 2021).

With the emergence of virtual reality (VR) came the arrival of VR porn, which creates unique experiences from two-dimensional pornography. 2Elsey, J. W. B., van Andel, K., Kater, R. B., Reints, I. M., & Spiering, M. (2019). The impact of virtual reality versus 2D pornography on sexual arousal and presence. Computers in Human Behavior. 97, 35–43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2019.02.031

And pornography can be classified as softcore, hardcore, and illegal/deviant. 3Doring, N. M. (2009). The internet’s impact on sexuality: A critical review of 15 years of research. Computers in Human Behavior. 25, 1089–1101. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2009.04.003

The pornography industry is estimated to make approximately 16.9 billion dollars each year, and their product is primarily viewed on the internet. 4Pornography facts and statistics: The recovery village. (2021, February 25). Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/process-addiction/porn-addiction/related/pornography-statistics/

How is pornography being accessed? Data from PornHub Insights—part of the largest online pornography company in the world—revealed that 86% of the site’s traffic comes from mobile devices. Moreover, using smartphones to access free pornography online is the most common means of viewing pornographic material. 5Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C., Wright, P., Paul, B., Gradus, R., Bauer, J., & Jones, R. (2020). Diverse sexual behaviors and pornogprahy use: Findings from a nationally representative probability survey of Americans aged 18 to 60 years. Journal of Sexual Medicine. 17, 623–633. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2020.01.013 & Ma CM, Shek DT. Consumption of pornographic materials in early adolescents in Hong Kong. J Pediatr Adolesc Gynecol. 2013 Jun;26(3 Suppl):S18-25. doi: 10.1016/j.jpag.2013.03.011. PMID: 23683822.Therefore, pornographic material can be accessed anytime, anywhere, via smartphones.

How porn affects the person and the brain

Easy access to the cyber pornography industry is an emerging health crisis. Individuals who struggle with addictive disorders may find themselves:

  • engaging in addictive behaviors more frequently over time,
  • may spend an increased amount of time seeking the behavior,
  • may experience increased desires to engage in the behavior,
  • may also experience an inability to decrease their engagement.

Addiction is considered a progressive disorder, which, over time, may begin to cause negative implications on one’s psychological, physical, and interpersonal aspects of life.

Pornography can literally rewire the brain. Viewing pornography begins to change the brain long before one may meet the criteria to be considered a compulsive viewer.

Sex is a naturally rewarding activity, activating the release of several neurotransmitters such as dopamine during sexual arousal and endogenous opioids during sexual consummation. 6Doidge, N. (2007). The brain that changes itself: Stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science. Penguin Group. Dopamine is a chemical released in the brain that makes one feel good, causing individuals to search and seek a pleasurable reward. The viewing of pornography engages the reward circuit in the brain each time viewers click for new content. And research supports the conclusion that continued pornography use can lead to neuroplastic change,7 ibid. & Hilton, D. L. (2013). Pornography addiction- A supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. Socioaffective Neuroscience and Psychology, 3, 20767. https://doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767 particularly in the arousal template. 8Carnes, P. J. (2001). Cybersex, courtship, and escalating arousal: Factors in addictive sexual desire. Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity. 8, 25–78. https://doi.org/10.1080/10720/60127560 & Carnes, P., Delmonico, D. L., & Griffin, E. (2007). In the shadows of the net: Breaking free of compulsive online sexual behavior (2nd ed.). Hazelden.

The sensations experienced when the reward (the material) is obtained (through a click), begin to fire together, causing neurons in the limbic system to rewire together. The limbic system supports long-term memory, behaviors, and emotions while ultimately storing the content viewed on internet pornography for the brain to retrieve again if wanted later.

Those who are “addicted” to pornography may view greater amounts and times of pornography. Recognizing that the use is hindering functioning in other areas of life, yet feeling as though one is unable to refrain and or stop viewing the material is common. When pornography begins to “hijack” the brain, viewers may find that their viewing of content poses physical and social risks.

A 2014 survey reported that 63% of men and 36% of women have engaged in watching pornography at work. 9Hesch, J. (2018, June 30). 2014 survey: Find out how many employees are watching porn on company time. Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/2014-survey-find-out-how-many-employees-are-watching-porn-on-company-time-271854721.html Pornography viewing is also linked to relationship and sexual problems. In almost 60 studies, the outcome showed that pornography viewing reduced relationships and sexual satisfaction (Your Brain On Porn, 2021).

A study conducted in Sweden in 2013 explored the impact that pornography viewing has on the brain. Using a 3-T Scanner for images of participants’ brains, researchers found that pornography viewing frequently had a significant impact on the gray matter within the brain. It was evident in the scans when patients’ brains were activating pornography material, which supports neurons anticipating a reward. Due to the anticipation, additional striatal neurons 10The striatum contains neuronal activity related to movements, rewards and the conjunction of both movement and reward. Striatal neurons show activity related to the preparation, initiation and execution of movements (Hollerman et al., 2000) are fired in hopes of a greater reward, causing an increase in gray matter.11 Kühn, S., & Gallinat, J. (2014). Brain structure and functional connectivity associated with pornography consumption. JAMA Psychiatry, 71(7), 827. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2014.93

The stimulation from the pornography viewing is known to stimulate other areas of the brain causing an increase in the dysfunction of the circuit which can lead to drug seeking, and negative behavioral changes. Past studies for internet addiction (IA) have also shown changes in the brain including but not limited to decrease pre-frontal cortical thickness and decreases in function. The prefrontal cortex is a multifaceted region of the brain that controls one’s ability to learn new rules, exhibit executive functioning, and decipher amongst conflicts such as good and bad, present consequence and future consequences.

Types of pornography viewers

The three main types of pornography viewers include: recreational, highly distressed non-compulsive viewers, and compulsive viewers.

Recreational: One study indicates that 75.5% of recreational viewers of pornography reported that on average they watched just under 30 minutes of pornography a week.12 Vaillancourt-Morel, M., Blais-Lecours, S., Labadie, C., Bergeron, S., Sabourin, S., & Godbout, N. (2017). Response to editorial comment: “profiles of cyberpornography use and sexual well-being in adults”. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 14(1), 87. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2016.11.320 Recreational viewers self-report that the viewing of the cyberpornography does not cause distress, and it feels enjoyable. Users in this category report their lifestyle functioning has not be changed due to viewing the material, and it has not negatively impacted their relationship or sex life. 

Highly distressed non-compulsive: The second classification is called a highly distressed non-compulsive viewer. Nearly 13% of pornography viewers belong in this category of use. These viewers average 17 minutes a week but view the use as disturbing. 13Ibid. It is reported that use of pornography amongst this group was initiated to increase self-esteem and provide a soothing experience. 

Compulsive: The third category is an unhealthy attachment to pornography called compulsive pornography viewers account for approximately 12% of viewers, and the majority of those in this category are men. Those viewers in this category watch nearly 4.5 times the minutes of pornography each week than recreational viewers, and 7 times more than highly distressed non-compulsive viewers. Viewers in this category report giving up previous pleasure resources in their life to consume viewing more pornography, and many reported that they were unable to stop viewing pornography. 14Ibid.

Helping those with porn addictions

It is necessary to support those who are struggling with pornography, especially those classified as compulsive, thus experiencing an addiction to pornography. Currently 35% of downloads from the internet are pornographic. 15Pornography facts and statistics: The recovery village. (2021, February 25). Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/process-addiction/porn-addiction/related/pornography-statistics/ Pornography can lower self-esteem and create many negative physical, psychological, interpersonal, and spiritual consequences for individuals. It is important that individuals have access to a safe space where they can talk about their struggles and seek help. 

The impact that pornography has had on our culture and its people cannot be overstated. Every family and every congregation will experience its destructive consequences. The Church must be aware of this threat and its impact, proclaim the forgiveness of Christ, and provide resources to assist affected individuals in their journey to repentance, health, and wholeness.  

If you or someone in your life is addicted to pornography, please visit or talk with a trusted pastor and a local mental health provider.

  • 1
    Grubbs, J. B., Kraus, S. W., & Perry, S. L. (2019). Self-reported addiction to pornography in a nationally representative sample: The roles of use habits, religiousness, and moral incongruence. Journal of Behavioral Addictions. 8, 88–93. https://doi.org/10.1556/2006.7.2018.134
  • 2
    Elsey, J. W. B., van Andel, K., Kater, R. B., Reints, I. M., & Spiering, M. (2019). The impact of virtual reality versus 2D pornography on sexual arousal and presence. Computers in Human Behavior. 97, 35–43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2019.02.031
  • 3
    Doring, N. M. (2009). The internet’s impact on sexuality: A critical review of 15 years of research. Computers in Human Behavior. 25, 1089–1101. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chb.2009.04.003
  • 4
    Pornography facts and statistics: The recovery village. (2021, February 25). Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/process-addiction/porn-addiction/related/pornography-statistics/
  • 5
    Herbenick, D., Fu, T. C., Wright, P., Paul, B., Gradus, R., Bauer, J., & Jones, R. (2020). Diverse sexual behaviors and pornogprahy use: Findings from a nationally representative probability survey of Americans aged 18 to 60 years. Journal of Sexual Medicine. 17, 623–633. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jsxm.2020.01.013 & Ma CM, Shek DT. Consumption of pornographic materials in early adolescents in Hong Kong. J Pediatr Adolesc Gynecol. 2013 Jun;26(3 Suppl):S18-25. doi: 10.1016/j.jpag.2013.03.011. PMID: 23683822.
  • 6
    Doidge, N. (2007). The brain that changes itself: Stories of personal triumph from the frontiers of brain science. Penguin Group.
  • 7
    ibid. & Hilton, D. L. (2013). Pornography addiction- A supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. Socioaffective Neuroscience and Psychology, 3, 20767. https://doi.org/10.3402/snp.v3i0.20767
  • 8
    Carnes, P. J. (2001). Cybersex, courtship, and escalating arousal: Factors in addictive sexual desire. Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity. 8, 25–78. https://doi.org/10.1080/10720/60127560 & Carnes, P., Delmonico, D. L., & Griffin, E. (2007). In the shadows of the net: Breaking free of compulsive online sexual behavior (2nd ed.). Hazelden.
  • 9
    Hesch, J. (2018, June 30). 2014 survey: Find out how many employees are watching porn on company time. Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/2014-survey-find-out-how-many-employees-are-watching-porn-on-company-time-271854721.html
  • 10
    The striatum contains neuronal activity related to movements, rewards and the conjunction of both movement and reward. Striatal neurons show activity related to the preparation, initiation and execution of movements (Hollerman et al., 2000)
  • 11
     Kühn, S., & Gallinat, J. (2014). Brain structure and functional connectivity associated with pornography consumption. JAMA Psychiatry, 71(7), 827. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2014.93
  • 12
    Vaillancourt-Morel, M., Blais-Lecours, S., Labadie, C., Bergeron, S., Sabourin, S., & Godbout, N. (2017). Response to editorial comment: “profiles of cyberpornography use and sexual well-being in adults”. The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 14(1), 87. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2016.11.320
  • 13
    Ibid.
  • 14
    Ibid.
  • 15
    Pornography facts and statistics: The recovery village. (2021, February 25). Retrieved December 1, 2022, from https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/process-addiction/porn-addiction/related/pornography-statistics/

How to change your phone habits
By / Dec 28

When we hear about being more disciplined with our social media diet or crafting better habits with our devices like our smartphones or tablets, we are often bombarded with helpful tips and tricks about time limits, device-free dinners, digital sabbaths, or even using internet filters. There are a plethora of apps and tools available today, but these tools usually fail to address the real problem lying behind the screens. We fall prey to the temptation to believe that “more technology is needed to meet the emergencies which technology has produced,” as Canadian philosopher George Grant noted in his well-known work, Technology and Justice. 

While most of these tips or tricks can be incredibly helpful in limiting our usage of social media and may even reveal some of the ways that technology is shaping us, it is a mistake to think that merely cutting something out of your life will help with long-term change and help in developing lasting healthy habits with technology.

A better habit  

In the popular 2020 Netflix documentary The Social Dilemma, we meet a family struggling with many of the very things our families deal with in terms of our addictions to our devices and social media. The mother in this fictional family heard about a way to limit screen time and purchased a new lock box for the entire family to use at dinners. At one point, the daughter breaks open the box to get her device back, and the son makes a deal to stop using his phone for a period of time, which ultimately (and predictably) fails. The filmmakers use this illustration to show how addictive these devices can really be, but I think it shows a much broader point than they may have originally intended in the film.

One of the most obvious—yet least implemented—elements of curbing our digital dependence is not just putting down our phones but actually picking up new and better habits. To curb or break a bad habit, you cannot just stop doing something. You must start doing something else. You may experience short-term success by cutting down your screen time, limiting your interactions online, or even deleting a particular app. But to truly have your mind renewed and refreshed by the power of the Holy Spirit, you have to replace it with something else (Rom. 12:1-2). 

Paul, in the letter to the Church at Ephesus, highlights this general idea of putting off the old way of living and putting on the new self as he spoke about the radical transformation that the gospel makes in our lives. He calls these believers “to take off your former way of life, the old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires . . . and to put on the new self, the one created according to God’s likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth” (Eph. 4:22,24, CSB).

While it is clear in context that Paul is not directly speaking about reshaping our digital habits, this concept nevertheless reveals something about human nature and is helpful as we think about navigating our dependence on these devices and the ways that technology is discipling us every day. Simply “taking off” our old ways of using technology like locking up our phones, setting time limits, or blocking certain features is only a half measure. You may experience temporary victories, but it will likely not last very long. The desire to check your feed and the FOMO (fear of missing out) will probably cause you to give in or at least cut back on certain aspects of your ambitious plan of change.

What’s your new habit? 

What if we embraced this idea of “taking off” certain things as well as “putting on” new habits and disciplines in light of our digital age? For some of us, this might mean starting a new habit at dinner of sharing stories with one another or even praying through all of those Christmas cards to remind you of family and friends that may not come to mind immediately during prayer time. It could mean committing to read a few pages in a new book each day, journaling, starting a new workout routine, or even writing a letter to a friend. 

The goal here is to do something that you would enjoy or that is life giving to you in lieu of the digital distractions and addictions you are trying to curb. You will form new (and better) habits and will experience the joy and fulfillment of doing a different activity. Just putting down your phone doesn’t change your fixation with it. Instead, we must seek to redirect our passions, longings, and habits—by God’s grace—to something greater if we are to really turn away from our old habits and have our minds and hearts renewed in a digital age. 

Human nature reminds us that we are creatures of habit and have created certain liturgies or ways of living. To alter those, we must actively seek to craft new habits and liturgies rather than passively seek to avoid certain things. As we start a new year, eager to follow Jesus well in our digital age, we need to remind ourselves that our bad habits or patterns were not formed overnight. Likewise, new ones will take time to establish. But by putting off the old and putting on the new habits, we might come to see how the Spirit renews and refreshes us to pursue wisdom for the days ahead.

5 ways pastors can equip their congregations to use social media
By / Jul 18

Social media is no longer “new.” Pastors and church leaders can no longer avoid social media as some have for the better part of a decade because they thought it was a fad that would go away. In fact, it has a greater influence in many churches today than the pastors and lay leaders themselves. This makes sense, doesn’t it? Data suggests people spend at least two hours a day on social media, but people in our churches may only spend that much time in an entire week engaging in church ministries. Of course, then, social media and the vanity fair of fancies it puts in front of our faces would be more influential to our people.

Before we explore how pastors can equip their congregations to use social media wisely, let’s admit up front pastors aren’t often very good at using it wisely themselves. So, how might pastors who have corralled their relationship with social media into some degree of maturity lead their congregations to do the same? We could explore dozens of ways, but let’s look at five.

1. Model a healthy relationship with social media

No one is expected to have a perfect relationship with social media. It’s pretty much impossible. While pastors shouldn’t feel like they have to handle social media perfectly before they can talk about it with their church members, it’s wise for pastors to evaluate their relationship with social media before they start initiating difficult conversations with church members who use social media in foolish, quarrelsome ways.

Ask fellow pastors or your spouse to evaluate your relationship with social media. Maybe you’re not starting fights and cursing people out on Facebook, but maybe you scroll Twitter too much or you’ve been quietly led astray by a YouTuber’s conspiracy theories. Ask people close to you to honestly evaluate your relationship with social media. Make improvements, and then encourage your church to do the same.

2. Study social media to better understand it yourself 

I correspond with many pastors who, by their own admission, simply don’t understand social media. They confess they have held onto the mentality that “social media is just a fad” for far too long. They now see the unmatched influence in their churches, and they don’t know what to do. Of course, the best time to start studying and learning about social media was over a decade ago, but the second-best time is now.

I recently published a book called Terms of Service that explains the evolution of the internet and how we got where we are today with social media. That may be helpful for you. But read other books, too, like The Shallows by Nicholas Carr or Ten Arguments for Deleting Your Social Media Account Right Now by Jaron Lanier. Those books, written by non-Christians, are helpful for understanding the social internet and how it influences our lives. Start with one of these, or all of them, and you’ll have a great baseline knowledge of social media.

3. Encourage embodied, personal community over virtual community 

I am grateful to God that livestream technologies have made it easier for Christians to participate in their local churches through the various waves of the COVID-19 pandemic. However, I fear there are unintentional consequences of this common grace—one being some of us may decide virtual participation in the church is preferable to embodied participation in the local church. We must not value virtual church participation as highly as embodied participation.

Seeing people face to face and in person is vastly richer than consuming sermon content on the internet. Virtual Bible studies are fine, but they’re not nearly as good as getting together with men or women in living rooms and coffee shops. As you lead your churches into an increasingly virtual future, encourage the embodied experience of the local church over the virtual consumption of Christian content. Both are valuable, but the latter cannot supplant the former. We must not let it.

4. Remind church members that social media is real life

Have you ever had a conversation with someone talking about the internet and they say something to the effect of, “Well that’s what happens on the internet, but in real life . . .” with “real life” meaning “what happens offline”?

A pastor told me a story about a woman in his church who posted on one of her social media accounts that she was having a rough week, explaining in some ambiguous details what was going on. Someone from the church saw the social media post, recognized it as a possible call for help, and suggested church leadership reach out to the woman to check in with her and see what the church could do to love her and come alongside her.

When a church leader who knew the woman reached out to her, the church member responded in a rather shocking way. She was offended a church leader reached out and tried to help, citing what she posted on social media. Why was the church member offended? In short, though her social media profile was public and available for the world to see, she told the church leaders, “I posted asking for encouragement from my online community, not my offline community.” The woman also expressed, “My online life is private,” and she said it shouldn’t be of concern to anyone at the church.

We forget, like the church member in distress, who we are and what we do on the internet is as much a part of our “real lives” as what we do when we’re at church or going to the grocery store. In fact, I would argue that it’s a better picture of who we really are than when we are at church or the grocery store because often, how we act on the internet is how we act when we think no one is looking—even though the entire world may be able to see us.

5. Establish a culture of accountability

Finally, I want to encourage pastors to establish a culture of accountability in their churches. A culture in which it’s normal, not taboo, to get together with fellow church members and talk about how we fail, sin, and need help to become more like Christ. Social media can blind us to the ways we misuse it, and we often need guides to help us navigate how to use social media in a Christlike way. A culture of accountability in the local church makes it easier to call one another out for foolish social media activity.

Social media is at the center of our culture right now. It touches everything, and it’s well past time that the church pays attention to it and how it’s affecting the church. Because of our sin, we will not stumble into a right relationship with social media. If we hope to use social media wisely and encourage church members to do the same, we need to be intentional.This article originally appeared at Lifeway research.

How to talk to your kids about the problem of sexting
By / Jul 6

Children today encounter an online world unlike anything experienced by prior generations. They are introduced to devices early and often, and families increasingly accept them as a normal fixture of everyday life.  Over 50% of American kids have their own smartphone by age 11, and on average, 13-year-olds now devote more than seven hours a day to non-school-related screen time.

This rapid and widespread adoption of personal devices has changed adolescent life in America in many ways, both positive and negative. While the benefits are widely acknowledged, such as convenience and communication among family members, many of the downsides are not yet fully appreciated, especially by parents. One of the most troubling trends associated with our ubiquitous devices is the increased exposure to inappropriate content and the rapid rise of sexting. Sexting is when people send sexually explicit or revealing pictures or texts.

The statistics on this trend are devastating. Two out of every 3 girls ages 12-18 have been asked to take and share a nude image. One study found that 14% of teens have sent a nude photo or video of themselves, and 24% of teens have admitted to receiving photos. Alarmingly, 1 in 8 teens has said that they have had their photos shared without their consent to others.  Given the growing prevalence of this phenomenon, parents need to address the uncomfortable topic of sexting.  As awkward as the conversation may be, it is preferable that children learn about this issue from their parents, rather than an anonymous stranger online or from their peers. Parents should help their children understand in an age-appropriate way that the power and freedom afforded by these devices must come with the responsibility to use them well. 

Conversations should ideally take place before your child receives his or her first phone in order to guard against the risk that they send a sext, and to prepare them for the possibility that they might receive one. But no matter the situation, parents should talk to their children early and often about such issues. But how do we begin such difficult conversations? 

Sean Clifford, CEO of Canopy, a parental control app that can deter sexting, answers questions below about this dangerous trend. He emphasizes the importance of making wise digital choices and provides advice for parents on how to address the topic of sexting with their children. 

Jill Waggoner: What are digital footprints, and why are they important? 

Sean Clifford: The choices we make online can follow us forever. They exist in the form of digital footprints, which are invisible trails of data that every internet-connected device leaves behind during normal use. Even when a photo, for example, is posted and later deleted, there is no guarantee that it is truly gone for good—some trace of it may be left somewhere. 

In addition, there are numerous ways other individuals can capture a digital image or video without permission, even if it’s only up for a moment. Some apps, like Snapchat, automatically delete content after a certain period of time, providing the false security that whatever is sent is fleeting and will soon disappear. However, even on such apps there are easy ways for others to save the content, such as taking a screenshot or recording the screen from another device.

JW: What are the potential consequences of sending a sext? 

SC: The consequences for sharing inappropriate photos can be significant. What may seem harmless, rebellious, or impermanent, often can result in painful, embarrassing, and unhealthy outcomes. Such consequences include: 

  • The message can be shared beyond the intended recipient. It sadly is not uncommon for such posts to go viral at a school or end up on websites that feature child sexual abuse material (CSAM).
  • Adults, including parents and teachers, could see it, resulting in suspensions, or in some instances, legal trouble. There are cases in which sexts have been prosecuted as the transmission of child pornography.
  • Sexting can damage real-life relationships and reputations, and the psychological harm that results when a sext goes public can be devastating.

JW: Sometimes children do not know where to draw the line when taking or posting pictures of themselves. How can parents guide their children in creating appropriate boundaries for their digital choices? 

SC: We know that digital is forever, so we encourage kids to ask if they would be comfortable sending the photo in question to their parent or teacher or having it posted in a public forum accessible to the whole school. It’s a simple but powerful question: if they aren’t comfortable with a parent seeing an image or video they intend to post or share, they probably shouldn’t send it at all. Most children would be rightfully horrified if their mom or dad saw an inappropriate picture of them. Asking a question like this makes them think twice about the pictures or messages they are willing to send and reinforces that what they do online far outlives the moment. This approach also opens the door for parents to help their kids understand what type of photos are acceptable when it comes to taking pictures of themselves. 

It also can be helpful to listen to the first-hand experiences of teenagers who have had personal images go viral. The stories are heartbreaking and can help illustrate the potential consequences as shared from someone in a similar stage of life. Kids will often respond to parental advice that ‘life is different’ and ‘parents just don’t understand’, and in some cases, they are right! Introducing voices of their peers can help make the case.

JW: As you mentioned, digital choices can affect the future. How should parents approach this in conversation with their children? 

SC: Parents should encourage them to think seriously about the following two questions:

  1. Who do you want to be?
  2. How do you want to be known? 

These questions place an emphasis on the future, rather than the present. As we discussed previously, digital choices stick with us forever, potentially even years after something was posted or sent. Help your child understand that sending or posting pictures might seem harmless now, but it can impact their future and their reputation. Regrettably, the cost of making a mistake today, if captured digitally, is simply higher than it used to be. As much as we may wish this weren’t the case, it is a reality of our new digital age. 

JW: How can parents prepare their children for situations where they are asked to send a sext? 

SC: First, help your children understand that it’s not only acceptable, but a good thing, to say no. Often, kids take part in sexting due to the fear of peer pressure, being judged, or made fun of for abstaining. Frame the request as a form of manipulation, which it is. As any parent of a teen can attest, they hate the idea of being manipulated to act against their own will.

This leads me to my second point, which is preparation. It is vital to proactively prepare your children and equip them with the reasons—and hopefully the confidence—say no when the moment arises. Give them some ideas for how to respond to a text that is asking for inappropriate photos and what they should do if they receive one on their device. For instance, they could respond with, “My parents put an app on my phone that will alert them if I send a photo like that.” Finally, it is important for them to know they should never apologize for not sending a sext. Saying no and standing up for oneself is a decision they can be proud of—now and in the years to come.

Conclusion 

Parenting in our digital age can be frightening. It has always been challenging to help our children protect their purity, but it seems almost impossible to guard their hearts and minds from technology’s pull toward the illicit. Yes, it is important to equip our kids with practical ways to avoid these temptations. But most importantly, as Christians, we must call them to the One who has the power to change their very desires. Jesus alone can give our children new hearts that want to walk in purity and find their satisfaction in him. And ultimately, as we seek to parent well in all the complexities of our society, we entrust them to the God who can lead them in paths of righteousness for the sake of his name (Ps. 23: 3).

Do you need a digital reset?
By / Jul 6

As things start moving back to a post-pandemic “normal,” many parents are looking forward to their children returning to in-person learning. In addition to improving their concentration, reconnecting with in-person friends, and reestablishing rigorous standards, one of the key benefits will be less time on screens. None of this will be without effort and intentionality, but what may prove most difficult is dialing back kids’ dependence on screens.

The battle over devices

The battle over devices was already a problem before the pandemic. Books like Naomi Scaeffer Riley’s Be the Parent, Please: Stop Banning Seesaws and Start Banning Snapchat sounded the alarm in January 2019. Real harm comes to children of all ages from unsupervised, unfiltered access to all things online and virtual, confirms Riley. The pandemic only made that worse. Once schools went online, there was little hope for limitations. Not only were children expected to be on their iPads or computers for all of each school day, they were typically given looser restrictions during after-school hours by parents who, scrambling to get their own work done and anxious about all the bad news, were glad for their children, who had nowhere to go, to have something to do. 

Last spring, when most kids didn’t have a choice about being on a connected device for hours a day, experts tried to be reassuring. They said some screen time is okay, but still agreed that too much is detrimental. “Spending an hour or two a day with devices during leisure time doesn’t seem to be harmful for mental health,” wrote psychology professor Jean Twenge, at the Institute for Family Studies. “And doing homework or educational activities on devices for a few hours a day is a virtual necessity and is unlikely to be harmful, so we can cross that off our list of worries as well.” 

Even when screen time was considered essential, Twenge wasn’t giving unqualified support. “[This] doesn’t mean parents should give up on managing kids’ screen time during this extended period of staying at home. Watching videos and scrolling through Instagram all day might keep them quiet, but it’s not the best for their mental health or development.” As virtual school winds down, it’s time to revisit prior concerns about how much screen time is too much, and even more urgently, how much of what’s online is harmful, regardless of time limits.

In addition to the angst all parents generally feel about what kids are watching and doing on social media these days, Christian parents have a biblical imperative to disciple their children — to oversee not just their mental and physical health, but most importantly, their spiritual growth (Deut. 6:6–9; Eph. 6:4). That includes shepherding their media use. We need renewed vigor to reclaim — or introduce for the first time — God-honoring digital habits. 

The Wall Street Journal’s family and tech columnist, Julie Jargon, says, “After more than a year of being glued to their devices, a lot of kids will have trouble easing up on the tech that brought them comfort and connection during the pandemic.” It’s not just children who will have to work at this. Parents, too, likely spent more time online and on devices in 2020, and their modeling is a primary influence on their kids. 

Digital reset

Jargon’s article, “How to Wean Your Kids—and Yourself—Off Screens,” recommends a family “digital reset” including things like phone-free times and spaces (the dinner table, car rides), shared rather than solo screens, and even a one-day-a-week tech sabbath. She suggests going back to pre-COVID tech rules. “Use the start of summer as an opportunity to re-establish any tech rules you let slide during the pandemic, like allowing devices in bedrooms at night or allowing videogames before homework or chores are done.”

Assuming you had pre-COVID tech rules, that’s a good place to start. But many Christian parents need to honestly ask themselves what their kids ’— and their own — habits were before the pandemic. What’s needed may not be a return to pre-pandemic normal, but a better, more biblical, normal. That includes a better rhythm of shared family culture, analog learning, creative real-life (not virtual) endeavors, and using technology for the glory of God. Some examples include reading books aloud together, asking good questions to foster substantive conversations at meal time, going outside to explore nature together, re-engaging with or developing shared hobbies, playing instruments and singing, playing board games, cooking together, exercising as a family, and the list could go on. 

It is up to parents to set expectations for life together in the family. That life is shaped in large part by how much, or how little, time is given to screens. Children need us to help them answer questions like: What does it look like to faithfully steward our time? How does social media use affect our thoughts, our affections, our desires? What might we do together if we put down our phones? And in the absence of those phones, how might we advance the kingdom of God in our childrens’ hearts and minds?

Here’s what might that look like in everyday life:

Meet with God before you meet with people: My husband and I both wait until after we’ve met with the Lord, praying and reading our Bibles, to even pick up our phones. Giving our first thoughts to what’s essential, seeking God’s will for the day, meditating on his revealed truth — all of this grounds us in what’s most important and makes us less vulnerable to the voices of the world that flood our phones (Psa.1:1-2).

Study the Bible and pray together: After seeking God personally, we seek him together as a family. Last fall we started spending between 10–15 minutes together on weekday mornings before we all headed in different directions, reading Lord Teach Us to Pray, a family study on the Lord’s Prayer. With our kids’ help, we read the text selections together and answer the questions provided in the study about what we just read in the Bible. 

Use screens in community: Proverbs 18:1 says, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” That reality is a warning against giving kids connected devices to use by themselves. We limit screen use to shared family spaces where they can be easily seen by more than just the person using them. 

Model what you require: (Or plan to when your children are old enough). Let your children see you stewarding your phone, your iPad, and your other smart devices the way you want them to steward theirs. 

Put screens to bed early: Rather than scrolling ourselves to a fitful sleep, we spend the last hour of most days together reading a story aloud, or reading books to ourselves, unwinding the stress of the day with restful “slow” entertainment, and closing the day’s activity with a family prayer.

As we celebrate a return to normal, these, and other similar embodied, relational practices can keep us from losing our way in the fog of media that grows thicker by the day.

What we need most for hard choices in parenting
By / May 26

Recently, I wrote a short post on Facebook about some of the difficult decisions my husband and I are facing in parenting, echoing conversations I’m having with other parents. Our kids are 13 and 10, and like every parent for all of time, I frequently hear myself saying, “Things are just so different than they were when we were growing up.” And while this has been true through the ages, it does seem especially difficult to raise children in an era when technology is advancing so rapidly and contributes to a vastly different childhood experience than the one in which we grew up in the 80s and 90s. 

In the Facebook post, I reflected on a recent conversation I had with a friend in which I joked, “If we could just get all the parents in a room and agree to not do cell phones or travel sports for kids, we could solve all the problems.” While this was a joke, it was also my simplistic way of expressing some of the difficult decisions we face at this stage of parenting. And judging from the responses from friends, we’re certainly not alone in wrestling with these things. There are unique challenges facing parents right now, and we need wisdom to parent our kids well.

Kids and phones

There’s a scene in the 2008 film adaptation of Dr. Seuss’s Horton Hears a Who in which one of the daughters of Whoville’s mayor pleads with her father, “Can I please have a Who-phone, Dad? Everyone else in my class has one.” Like so many parents, myself included, the mayor responds with sarcasm, “Oh really? Everyone?” The daughter then presents him with photographic evidence — a picture of herself standing alone in the midst of 11 other students, all of whom are happily talking away on their phones. Most parents can relate to this scene. It is no exaggeration for my child to tell me she’s the only seventh grader without a phone. In fact, it’s only a slight exaggeration for my fourth grader to say the same. 

The statistics back up our childrens’ claims. The website SellCell surveyed 1,135 parents in the U.S. with children between the ages of 4 and 14 in 2019. They found that:

  • 40% of U.S. parents let their kids have their own phone by the age of 10
  • 56% of pre-teenage kids have a phone by the time they reach 13
  • 20% of kids first received phones at 13 or 14 years old
  • 7% were 15 or 16 when they received their first phone

The study also reported that 42% of kids are spending 30 hours each week on cell phones.

You have probably seen the statistics on the links between smartphones and anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, and other issues in kids. The past year has only exacerbated many of these things. Parents who were holding off on phones have made the decision to give their child one during the pandemic because of the combination of the child’s need for socialization and the parent’s difficulty managing working from home. I spoke with a counselor who said his practice has seen a dramatic increase in children who have been exposed to pornographic content through device usage in the past year. 

Looking at the statistics, it seems like a simple decision to just say, “No phone until 16,” or some other age in the distant future. But as with most parenting decisions, it’s not that simple. Decisions around safety and the ability to stay in communication during after school activities cause many parents to allow phones. Some are intentional about starting with phones that limit access to the internet or social media. Others use smartwatches for the same purpose. For some parents, the gradual exposure to phones allows them to teach their children how to use technology responsibly. You can read more about making decisions like this here. 

I have spoken with parents who have allowed their children to have phones in middle school or earlier, while others have waited until high school. Some have had good experiences, although most admit it’s an additional burden to themselves as parents to stay on top of their children’s tech use. They have their kids sign contracts and treat a phone much like they would a car — as a tool that is a privilege, and one that can be taken away with irresponsible use. Other parents have admitted they regret giving in to their children’s pleas and wish they had waited longer. 

There are no easy answers when it comes to our kids and phones. 

Kids and sports

Another area in which parents feel pressure is that of youth sports. Studies consistently show that kids involved in athletics develop long-lasting skills helpful beyond the court or field such as confidence in relationships, empathy, problem-solving, and accountability. Most of us who have children in middle or high school grew up in a time when you could try out several different sports, and even play two or three in high school. It was rare for an athlete to specialize in one sport from an early age, and club or travel teams were the exception, not the rule.

I went to volleyball tryouts at my high school as a ninth grader in 2000 having never played before. Without any club experience, I was able to make a small NAIA college team four years later. If I could transport my ninth grade self to 2021, I wouldn’t have been able to make most middle school teams. Friends whose daughters have played on their schools’ sixth grade teams have received a lot of pressure to have their daughters play club ball. It’s common knowledge that they won’t be able to play in high school unless they spend time and money playing year-round. This for a sport in which less than 4% of high school players go on to play in the NCAA, with only 1.2% playing in Division I. 

This problem is not unique to volleyball. The statistics are similar for most sports. (Although, if you want your daughter to play college sports, ice hockey is your best bet; 26.2% of female high school ice hockey players go on to play in the NCAA.) 

As the popularity of travel sports has risen, the overall participation rate in sports has declined. Families who are able to pay are funneling money into more elite teams, while those who cannot pay are forced out of competitive athletics. A 2017 report by the U.S. Government Accountability Office revealed that the overall student participation rate in sports is now only 39%, with rates the lowest in urban (32%), high-poverty (27%), and charter (19%) schools. 

It can feel a bit like a chicken and egg scenario. We don’t want to do travel sports, but we want our kids to have the benefits of playing competitively. Because it’s so hard to make teams or get playing time, we pay the often exorbitant costs and sacrifice our time to ensure our kids get the experience of playing the sports we loved at their ages. For some families, it’s about setting kids up for college scholarships. But for many, they see the benefits of discipline, commitment, and team building — things we all want for our kids. Of course, the sacrifice often includes missing things like gathering with a local church family. And what we prioritize as a family speaks volumes to our kids about what’s important in life.

Where is wisdom?

These are just two out of many issues we are wrestling with as parents. Each generation has its own struggles, and in that way there’s nothing new under the sun. But even as we encounter new challenges, we need timeless wisdom.

I remember sitting in a Bible study as the mom of a 1-year-old when a new mom shared that she had been convicted to go to God in prayer, asking for wisdom in parenting decisions rather than just going straight to Google. It was as if a lightbulb went off in my mind. I was a Google mom. My kid wouldn’t sleep through the night, so I went to Google. She would only eat orange foods, so I went to Google. She wasn’t walking yet, so I went to Google. 

I didn’t solely look to Google for solutions; I often asked friends. We would compare notes on milestones and tips on what was working for us. Often, both the internet and my friends were helpful. God has given us the common grace of wisdom through experience and the research conducted by experts.

The problem I’ve found with looking to these conventional methods first for obtaining wisdom is that I’m prone to make and justify decisions based on what my peers are doing. In that way, I’m not much different from the children I’m trying to raise. We can easily find people arguing for one side or another of a difficult decision, and it’s convenient to look for opinions and evidence that confirm our natural inclinations. 

Twelve years later, I’m still trying to learn the lesson my friend taught me in that Bible study. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.” It’s such a comfort to know that we can go to God first with all our needs for wisdom, and to know that he doesn’t reproach us for not already knowing the answers. 

God will often answer our prayers for wisdom through the words of Scripture, the words of another person, or through circumstances. As we wrestle through the challenges of parenting, there will always be new issues that arise, and we will frequently lack the wisdom we need. Statistics, firsthand reports, and the words of friends can be helpful and wise, but we need wisdom to sift through the noise and determine what is best for our individual children, and the grace to not fault our friends for the decisions they make. 

I am trying to learn to respond to my children’s requests with this statement: “I need to pray and ask God for wisdom about that.” Whatever the decision, I hope this reminds my children and myself that he is the ultimate authority in our lives and source of wisdom. I also hope it reminds my kids that we’re on the same team and that their parents want God’s best for them. 

As we prayerfully submit our decisions to the Lord, we can trust him to guide us in the right direction. And we can trust that he will do the same for our children when they leave our home one day. This is, after all, the message of the book of Proverbs: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight (Prov. 4:7b).

Whether our kids have phones or become college athletes, may our greater desire be that they get wisdom. And may God give us the wisdom that we need to impart to them. 

How social media can impede our witness
By / Apr 19

Recently, I was reading a book and was impressed by the scholar’s careful exposition, nuanced approach, and charitable engagement with critics. Naturally, in the age of social media, I decided to look up the author online and was surprised by what I found. It seemed that the scholar was acting a certain way on one medium and a different way on the other. Social media tends to tempt a number of us to post things that we would never publish in a book, much less say in person to another human being.

“The medium is the metaphor”

There is often a significant disconnect between how we portray ourselves online and then personally with others. This is notable because social media and digital culture tends to bifurcate our lives, giving us the impression that we have an “online” life and a “real” life. We frequently use technology to portray ourselves in certain ways depending on the medium, where the medium often dictates to us how we are to live, understand truth, and navigate the tensions in life. Neil Postman, in his classic book Amusing Ourselves to Death, describes this reality by using the phrase “the medium is the metaphor.” He writes how the medium in which something is communicated has significant bearing on the content itself and the reception of that message.

Postman describes this phenomenon by saying, “Major new medium changes the structure of discourse; it does so by encouraging certain uses of the intellect, and by demanding a certain form of content—in a phrase, by creating new forms of truth telling” (27). Earlier in the book, he writes how this concept may also be portrayed in the Bible when God forbids his people from making images of him in the Decalogue (Exo. 20:4) because he knows that it will alter the way that his people see him and hear his call on their lives.

Postman claims that every form of media favors a particular kind of content, and these forms are able to take command of a culture, shaping it toward a particular end. He argues that the rise of television media significantly altered the way that we thought about the world, the nature of truth, and even how we structure our lives. It became both a “meta-medium” that directs our knowledge of the world as well as a “myth” that functioned below our conscious awareness (78-79). He deems these new forms or methods of knowledge “dangerous and absurdist” as they replaced the prior emphasis on the written word.

Since Postman died in 2003, we can only speculate how he might describe the exponential breakdown of truth and ways that we process information in 2021 with social media. I can only imagine that he would be even more alarmed at the dangerous perversions of “truth” from conspiracy theories, fake news, and deepfakes, as well as the disconnected lives that people exhibit online, in print, and in person.

What does this mean for us?

So if Postman is correct—and I think he is—then what does that mean for those of us who inhabit this age of social media?

First, we each need to recognize how digital tools like social media are constantly shaping or discipling us each day. We must realize that the power these digital mediums have over us is not only altering how we think about truth, the world around us, and our neighbors but also altering how we depict ourselves. The reality is that we often mimic what we see online to the detriment of our souls and public witness.

Why is it that we tend to post takedowns without context or subtweets of those with whom we disagree? Why is it that we feel we must comment on every bit of news, especially on things about which we have little or no prior knowledge about? Why is it that we will spend countless amounts of time crafting a perfect post that someone will spend mere milliseconds reading in order to garner additional likes, shares, or engagement? Why is it that we will act charitably and gracefully toward someone in person or in long-form writing, only to turn around and seek to disgracefully dunk on them with an uncharitable post, clickbait title, or angry rant just to be seen as the right kind of person to our own tribe or to appease our naysayers?

While these issues are complex and much more can (and should) be written on these issues, we need to see that the medium itself is encouraging and shaping us toward that end. But it is far too easy to scapegoat the platforms or technologies today, rather than taking personal responsibility for our own actions and for the disconnect in our digital lives.

Second, we need to recognize that we think the digital world is cut off from reality. We tend to view it like a private megaphone that we can use to say and do things that we never would otherwise. Social media can easily become merely performative and fuel our addictions to self aggrandizement. We build platforms on outrage and then seem surprised when our outrage fails to satisfy. Thus, we must continue to dial it up in order to keep people coming back as they grow more and more desensitized to this type of content.

This point was brought home to me over the weekend when a friend and former pastor of mine posted about how he recently heard two different stories that detailed how someone’s online presence affected their “real life.” Both stories involved a person either being hired or being passed over for a professorship based on their online activities and public disposition. He explained how our online activities have become part of our resumes. While the medium of social media may encourage or even allow us to divide our lives in some type of digital fairyland disconnected from reality, the things we do online are very public and will have long-lasting effects on us, not only in terms of job opportunities but also on our souls. 

Each person must evaluate these things for themselves and reach a conclusion about how to move forward in this digital economy. Some will intentionally step back from social media and pursue obscurity online as they invest in the people and places right in front of them. Others will use digital platforms to encourage, challenge, and teach others but must do so with their eyes open to the detriments and dangerous effects of these tools. While we may think we are fighting the culture war or protecting the sheep through our digital engagement, we may actually be leading others and even ourselves astray by failing to remember that we are called to be above reproach in all places and through all mediums (Titus 1:6-8), and to model Christlikeness as members of the body of Christ.

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Explainer: Utah passes law that would require porn filters on cellphones and tablets
By / Mar 26

On Tuesday, Utah Gov. Spencer Cox signed House Bill 72, which calls for all smartphones and tablets sold in the state after 2022 to have active adult content filters. 

The legislation was broadly panned by civil libertarian groups and lauded by anti-pornography organizations. The National Center on Sexual Exploitation (NCOSE) commended the Utah legislature for passing this bill which they say will aid parents in protecting their children from unwanted exposure to pornography. 

“There are countless heartbreaking stories of the harm caused by children’s unhindered access to Internet devices—including the individual and familial trauma of pornography exposure and addiction and adult predators targeting and grooming kids online,” said Dawn Hawkins, senior vice president and executive director of the NCOSE.

What does the new law do?

The new law requires a tablet or a smartphone sold in the state and manufactured on or after Jan. 1, 2022, to, when activated in the state, automatically enable a filter capable of blocking material that is “harmful to minors.” Under the Utah State Code, harmful to minors means that quality of any description or representation, in whatsoever form, of nudity, sexual conduct, sexual excitement, or sadomasochistic abuse when it: taken as a whole, appeals to the prurient interest in sex of minors; is patently offensive to prevailing standards in the adult community as a whole with respect to what is suitable material for minors; and taken as a whole, does not have serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value for minors. 

The device must also notify the user when content is filtered and enable adults to deactivate the filter for the device or for specific content. 

Additionally, the legislation provides a process for the attorney general or a member of the public to bring a civil action against a manufacturer that manufactures a device on or after Jan. 1, 2022, if the device does not contain an enabled filter or if a minor accessed material that is harmful to minors on the device. The penalty allows for a civil penalty of up to $10 for each violation, and that a portion of any civil penalty recovered be provided to the Crime Victims Reparations Fund. 

The rule doesn’t take effect until five other states pass equivalent laws. If that requirement is not met before 2031, the law will not take effect.

Which states might follow Utah’s lead in passing similar laws?

In 2016, Utah became the first state to officially declare pornography a “public health crisis.” Since then, 15 other states have followed Utah’s lead in making a similar declaration in at least one legislative chamber. Those states are Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, Florida, Idaho, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Montana, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Tennessee, and Virginia. If only one of three of those states pass similar legislation in the next decade, Utah’s law will go into effect. 

Isn’t the law too burdensome on tech manufacturers?

As the NCOSE points out, virtually all devices already have such filters, but they are turned to OFF when sold. “This bill simply requires the filters to be turned ON when activated in Utah,” says NCOSE. “Adults are not prohibited from accessing such material and are given a PIN to remove the filter for their own use if they choose to do so. Children will not receive PINs to deactivate the filters.”

“This ensures that the devices are effective for protecting minors while being unrestrictive on adults,” says Hawkins. “While these filters are already available on most devices now, on an Apple device, for example, it takes 20+ complicated steps to turn them on, leaving most parents helpless to protect their kids online.” 

The law also makes it clear that it would not apply to smartphone and tablet manufacturers that make a “good faith effort” to provide a “generally accepted and commercially reasonable method of filtration in accordance with this part and industry standards.”

See also:

3 ways to escape our online bubbles
By / Jan 18

If you’ve used social media in the past year—and over 75% of Americans have — you’re probably in an online bubble without even realizing it. Thanks mostly to COVID-19, we’re living in a world where most of our connections are through screens. And that’s not a good thing. 

Social media use among American adults has been steadily rising for years, but as stay-at-home orders rolled out across the country earlier this year, it exploded. Platforms like Facebook saw up to 27% more daily users during the first few months of the pandemic. Zoom went from 2 million users to 6 million, almost overnight. And local apps like Nextdoor saw their users grow by almost 80%. 

As our work, school, and social life all moved online, we became even more disconnected from the world outside our screens. This rapid move to online communities was at least partially responsible for drastic increases in mental health issues. 

Approximately one in three Americans reported suffering from anxiety or depression in 2020, up from one in 12 in 2019. On a more concerning note, the CDC reports that 25% of young adults considered suicide at some point during 2020. 

While these numbers are staggering, we’ve overlooked the way our digital isolation has caused many people to lose their grip on reality. Conspiracy theories have exploded online. Both conservatives and liberals have become convinced that the success of the other side would mean the end of the republic. And the disconnect between the laptop class — those who see the world from their comfortable work-from-home lives—and the working class—the waiters, cashiers, and blue collar laborers who have been directly affected by restrictions shutting down their places of work—has grown larger than ever. 

Why is this happening? 

Simply put, we’ve lost the real-world human connections that keep us grounded. We’ve been forced into online bubbles on platforms designed to group us with people like us. 

When you open Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, or virtually any other social media site, you’re seeing posts selected just for you by the AI algorithm. These posts are designed to connect you with people who have the same interests, have similar beliefs, and think the same way you do. Why? The algorithm is designed to increase engagement and keep you from closing the app, and logically, if you see things you like and are interested in, you’ll stay on the site longer. 

If the only things you read are articles tailored by the algorithm to fit your interests and the only people you talk to are those who post things that align with your thoughts, it’s incredibly easy to get sucked into a version of reality that doesn’t exist in the real world. 

But social media algorithms aren’t new. As the hit documentary The Social Dilemma shows, they’ve been in place for years. So what’s changed? 

In a normal time, most of us have regular interactions with people who aren’t like us. We talk to friends or neighbors who are on opposite ends of the political spectrum. We visit with relatives who don’t share our faith or belief systems. We interact with co-workers who come from different backgrounds and see the world differently. Our real-world connections provide an unfiltered dose of reality that keeps us grounded. Last year, we lost that, and our online bubbles became more isolated than ever. 

Escaping our online bubbles

While our world may soon return to normal, our tendencies to withdraw into sheltered bubbles won’t disappear when we get the COVID-19 vaccine. So, here are three ways to escape our online bubbles in 2021:

1. Limit social media use carefully 

This might seem like obvious advice, but it’s not as easy as it seems. Social media apps are intentionally designed to keep us scrolling for as long as possible. Personally, I’ve found it’s helpful to limit notifications and block out periods of time where you don’t check social media. The only way to win the battle against mindless social media use is to be intentional about disconnecting. 

2. Get your news and information from multiple sources

It’s tempting to believe everything you read on the internet, but so much of what we see on our feeds just isn’t true. Take the time to research things before believing them, and especially before sharing them with others. Often, a quick Google search will provide the truth about something. 

It’s also helpful to seek out multiple sources to find the truth about issues. Don’t get all your news from one media outlet. Read and follow people who think differently, but who are thoughtful and sincere in their arguments.

3. Be intentional about making real-world connections 

Making a point to connect with people outside of social media — especially those who aren’t like us — is so important. Not every conversation has to be a political discussion or deep worldview debate. In fact, simple “small talk” can go a long way. Even in a time of social distancing, it’s possible to make these real-world connections. Video chats, texts, and phone calls are all far better than a Facebook message or Twitter DMs. 

These connections don’t happen on their own. Unlike social media, where the algorithm creates conversations, real-world connections require effort and intentionality. Pick up the phone and call an old friend. Text someone to see how they’re doing. Surround yourself (even virtually) with people you love and trust. They will keep you grounded — often without realizing it.

It might seem like our isolation is out of our control, but we can be purposeful about escaping our online bubbles. We don’t need the world to go back to normal to change the way we interact with others. In an online world designed to pull us apart, let’s choose to break out of our bubbles. In 2021, let’s scroll less and talk more. We might “like” fewer posts, but we’ll be free to love more people in the real world.

3 ways smartphone usage can distort our perceptions
By / Jan 4

Several years ago, The New Yorker published their weekly magazine with what can only be described as a damning photo. On the magazine’s 90th anniversary cover (one of nine), the issue depicted a man holding a phone in what’s become a sadly ubiquitous posture. Ignoring a cloudy sky and the flight of a butterfly directly overhead, this man, with his thumbs at the ready, is “bent in on himself,” staring at his little “glowing rectangle.”  

If you spend any amount of time in public spaces these days, you observe this scene with unremitting frequency. In the grocery line, at traffic lights, even sitting across the table from a friend, the glow of our smartphones has pulled our attention downward and inward. More visibly than ever, we are creatures, as Augustine and Luther long ago described us, “deeply curved in” on ourselves. The iPhone, and all its representative progeny, could not be more appropriately named. 

The formative power of habit

One of the genius design features of the modern smartphone is that it places its user at its gravitational center. All smartphone activity revolves around the person holding it, creating a subconscious bodily ritual or liturgy, as Justin Earley argues in The Common Rule. What this means for us is that as long as we hold a phone in our hands, we function as the acting center of our universe. To put it more bluntly, our world becomes self-centered. 

We would likely all agree that our collective forward-hunched posture, the constant peering into the screens of our smartphones, is a habit we’ve let get out of hand. What we may not be aware of, however, is the formative power of this habit and its encroachment into all other areas of our lives. To that point, Earley argues that our habits, whether we’re aware of it or not, actively “form our hearts.” So, if habits, as he suggests, possess the power to shape us deep down at the heart-level, and one of our most frequent habits involves this inward bend toward a phone—and toward the self—we must ask: what sort of person is this habit forming us to be?

Habits and distorted discipleship

Our smartphones have more power over us than we’re willing to reckon with. We have sold our souls to these all-powerful devices in exchange for the very real conveniences they promise. And, in so doing, we’re reaping the consequences. No corner of our lives is left unaffected by our ritualized devotion to our phones, namely the three “corners” most consequential: knowledge of God, knowledge of self, and love of neighbor. In effect, this yielding to our phones has disrupted and disordered these most fundamental competencies of the Christian faith. 

  1. Knowledge of God

John Calvin, in his Institutes of the Christian Religion, says that “wisdom consists almost entirely of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves.” In modern life, as we have turned inward, we have deprived ourselves of this wisdom that Calvin speaks of. Being “deeply curved in” means not just that we’ve neglected our pursuit of God and the knowledge of God, but that we’ve convinced ourselves—thanks, in part, to this bodily liturgy—that his existence is inconsequential. 

Being self-centered is a statement of theological belief with real-life consequences; it is an act of enthronement, a declaration of the assumed supremacy of the all-powerful “me.” This ritual that we daily participate in, if we lack prudence and vigilance, is actively forming us wayward from the God who made us. Our constant phone-ward gaze is a visual representation of just how absurd self-centered living looks. 

  1. Knowledge of self

Without the understanding that “our very being is nothing else than subsistence in God alone,” as Calvin says, then our ritualized, self-centered habits will only perpetuate a deeper and more rigid commitment to our own perceived self-importance and self-sufficiency. Bending inward upon oneself does not beget a greater knowledge of oneself. Rather, it welcomes the whispers of our foe (Gen. 3:5) and seeks to reign independently rather than in submission to our Maker. 

When we view citizens as digital avatars instead of people, or when we engage with fiery rhetoric instead of gentle Christlikeness, we can be sure that we’re acting as disciples of our smartphone rather than disciples of our Savior. 

As a result, our knowledge of self is not just reprioritized, but it is impoverished. The self is given a faux supremacy while simultaneously being stripped of its true vocation; we become a shell of who we were created to be. We are not meant to assume the role of God over our lives, but this is precisely what we attempt when we maintain this contorted posture.

  1. Love of neighbor

When we live our lives with the glow of our phones constantly upon our face, we are being formed for Christian malpractice. No longer is Jesus’ second greatest commandment concerned with the love of neighbor; we mistakenly prioritize ourselves. As it relates to our civic engagement, our political philosophy takes an identical inward turn. With the individual acting as the gravitational center of his or her political concern, the love of neighbor becomes a secondary consideration when we participate in this American rite. When we view citizens as digital avatars instead of people, or when we engage with fiery rhetoric instead of gentle Christlikeness, we can be sure that we’re acting as disciples of our smartphone rather than disciples of our Savior. 

Habits and Christian discipleship

Since that fateful day when the garden-intruder convinced Eve that she and Adam should rule in the place of God, we have been grasping for God’s throne. Subtly, and subconsciously, our growing dependence on our smartphones is often a manifestation of this grasping for authority and autonomy. And it is forming us into a people with an impoverished knowledge of God, an over-torqued knowledge of self, and a misapprehension of the second greatest commandment. It is inhibiting us being conformed to the image of Christ. This doesn’t mean that the smartphone is an evil device that we should shun, though. But it does mean that it’s a powerful device that we should respect. What are we to do, then? 

The very act of peering down and in toward a phone is a powerful act of discipleship, developing scores of navel-gazing persons. To combat this, the church needs new habits. Though it may seem trite and simple, the most effective habit in this fight for Christian formation may just be divorcing ourselves from our phones more frequently. Cultivating a growing knowledge of God and self, and an increasing faithfulness to loving our neighbor, requires that we dethrone our devices from their seat of supremacy. It requires that we vacate that seat ourselves.

To know God, we must develop the habit of lifting our eyes from our smartphones and gazing upon his beauty. To know ourselves, we must develop the habit of lifting our eyes from our smartphones and hearing from the God who speaks to us through his Word. And to love our neighbor, we must develop the habit of lifting our eyes from our smartphones and assuming not the contorted posture of our digital age but the cruciform posture of Jesus.