Cohabitation Confusion: What does the Bible say?
- Aug 9, 2007 - 23
The fact that many couples live together without the legal commitment of marriage surprises few in our morally dysfunctional society. What is surprising is the number of professing Christians who choose to live together without the benefit of marriage.
Churches and families are increasingly faced with the question of how to respond to these individuals who believe their personal commitments to one another are morally equivalent to legal marriage.
Every moral issue is fundamentally a biblical issue. Genesis 2:18-25 describes marriage as a divine institution. God presented Adam with Eve and established the first marriage.
Genesis 2:24 is the basis for all future marriages: “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.” When Jesus was asked about grounds for divorce, He quoted this verse with regard to a legal, binding marriage relationship (Matt. 19:5).
When God revealed the law to Moses on Mount Sinai, there were many regulations regarding marriage. A man who seduced a virgin and had sexual relations with her before marriage was required to pay the father of the girl and was required to marry her if the father permitted (Ex. 22:16). Sexual relations with a virgin betrothed to another resulted in death by stoning of both parties (Deut. 22:23-24). These laws revealed the importance of marriage and the sin of premarital sex.
Malachi 2:13-16 speaks against the abandonment of wives by husbands. They are accused of breaking faith and abandoning their marriage covenants (v. 14). God’s intention was that sexual relationships between a man and a woman should occur only after a legal covenant was established. The covenant was to provide security and a formal obligation that could not be easily abandoned. Governmental regulation of marriage recognizes the importance of protecting the rights of marriage partners and children.
The New Testament also forbids sexual relations outside marriage. Hebrews 13:4 commands everyone to honor the institution of marriage. In 1 Timothy 4:3, Paul warned that a sign of the end times would be an abandonment of the divine institution of marriage.
Despite the arguments of some, the odds of a successful marriage do not increase because a couple lives together before marriage. In fact, studies reveal the opposite is true.
Where do professing Christian couples find justification for living together without marriage? Their own desires and an immoral culture provide support, but God’s Word is neither vague nor confusing on this point: A personal commitment between a man and woman is not the moral equivalent of a biblical marriage.
Further Learning
Learn more about: Family, Marriage, Sexual Purity, Abstinence
23 comments (post your own) feed
1 On Aug 14th, 2007, at 12:58pm, ronnie lee wrote:
It is little wonder that there is confusion amongst Christians regarding whether or not cohabitation is morally wrong. The society, including many, if not most within the church has lost sight of the whole purpose of marriage and the marital sexual relationship. Its ultimate purpose is to teach us about the relationship within the Trinity and to mirror the relationship between Christ and His bride. Since we have become unaware of this concept, it may have been inevitable that we end up with those who are Christians not being convinced that the biblical teaching on marriage and sexual relationships is outdated.
2 On May 15th, 2008, at 6:45pm, The Reverend Doctor wrote:
What is “marriage”? If a man and a women agree with Genesis, then they are married, regardless of man’s law(civil law). In ancient times, there was the tribe. There were families. The civil government was not involved. Today, in America and Europe, the civil marriage is not Biblical(e.g. California, gay marriage). The family laws in America and Europe are not Biblical.
In the Bible there is plenty of authority for polygamy. The civil laws do not allow this. We are to obey God, rather than men.
3 On May 16th, 2008, at 1:57pm, Pastor Bob wrote:
Biblical marriage: Gen 3:16 God told the woman that her husband will rule over her. In the NT: Eph 5:22, 1 Corn. 11:3. The Apostle Paul (1Corn 7:3-5) stated “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband.” He also stated that the wife needs to satisfy her husband’s sexual desires, as part of her duty. The Apostle Paul emphasized to need to marry to satisfy a man’s sexual appetite(1 Corn. 7:9).
The word “marriage” in California has no practical meaning. Under California law, a man can get married in the morning and legally have sex with another man or woman in the afternoon(adultery has no legal meaning in California with no fault divorce). Today, in California, the word marriage can also be applied to a couple of men.
Does a Christian really want to give credence to the unGodly California law by getting a marriage license? The Bible states to separate ourselves from the unGodly and come out from among them.
4 On May 17th, 2008, at 7:31am, ronnie lee wrote:
On May 15th, 2008, at 6:45pm, The Reverend Doctor wrote:
“In the Bible there is plenty of authority for polygamy.”
Reverend Doctor, could you show us where the Bible gives authority for polygamy? I realize that it tells stories of those who engaged in marriages with multiple wives, but where does it authorize it?
5 On May 18th, 2008, at 11:11pm, lee ronnie wrote:
Cohabitation is not a synonym for pre-marital sex. If pre-marital sex is the sin then please condemn that and not cohabitation, especially since you have given no scripture to support your claim that it is sin for people in a relationship to live together unless married. Cohabitation may be discouraged as imprudent, but please don’t add laws to the bible.
6 On May 19th, 2008, at 9:31am, The Reverend Doctor wrote:
Ronnie, I do not advocate polygamy any more than cohabitation. But both are permitted under certain circumstances, but not encouraged. The Bible says that David was a man after God’s own heart. Look at Solomon, a wise man. Both had many wives and the prophets did not condemn them for it, but they did condemn homosexuality. Polygamy is currently against the law. But since now it is legal in California for two men to get married, next polygamy will not be denied as Justice Scalia said in Lawrence v. Texas.
7 On May 21st, 2008, at 1:03pm, Pastor Bob wrote:
God hates divorce. Matt:19:10,11, the disciples said if this is the situation better not to marry. Christ said, not everyone can accept this. Half the people today should not get married because they get divorced. Better not to get married if may get divorced.
8 On May 21st, 2008, at 6:07pm, Tim wrote:
The Bible states clearly what God says is right and wrong. If cohabitation exhists in a relationship while two adults are preparing to get married, why would that be a sin? Especially if abstinence is practiced! Please, among all of the people who talk, think or respond about this question of cohabitation, please tell me where exactly in the bible it says living together before the marriage ceremony(Christian) is a sin. We all know about the 10 comandments and many other statements about sexual immorality. Where I ask does is state “For a man and women to live together, but not have sex before the wedding ceremony sins against God?” If you know please tell me for I have read through the bible.....can’t find it.
9 On May 22nd, 2008, at 8:11am, The Reverend Doctor wrote:
Tim, you are right. As it was mentioned, in the old days, there was not always an organized government. Sexual regulation rules are for good order in a society due to the concern over the production of children. (Old folks on Social Security get a pass here.) As Pastor Bob would say, consider a vasectomy if marriage is not in your future. Paul was also concerned about the pagan religious prostitutes. Paul also said that we are free, but we should not do things that will offend a weaker brother. The law of love governs(not always Me, but consider your neighbors). You understand Tim, this is a complicated issue, depending on facts and circumstances of each individual case.
10 On May 22nd, 2008, at 10:36am, MODERATOR wrote:
Gentleman,
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Please note this requirement in particular:
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11 On Jul 10th, 2008, at 8:29am, Kurt wrote:
Tim,
I certainly agree with your points. The arguments against cohabitation are not logical even from a biblical perspective if the couple abstains and are honoring God in their lives. I understand a concern for a “slippery slope” theory among Christians (especially evangelical/fundamentalism) and it is something to be seriously considered. A rigid, legalistic perspective without a conversation is simply divisive and, I think, unfairly and too readily places judgement. Old Testament Law is difficult due to contextual issues.
Thanks for the forum on this issue!
12 On Jul 10th, 2008, at 8:20pm, Ronnie wrote:
Tim,
Do you know of a couple who are actually living together but do not engage in sex?
13 On Jul 11th, 2008, at 8:23pm, Tim wrote:
I did...my now wife and I. Due to her financial status she needed to move in with me for about 6 months....then we got married...I feel I am a strong Christian man, and saw nothing wrong with this.
...by the way...thank you all for this engaging message board, its nice to see a good discussion!!!
14 On Jul 14th, 2008, at 2:11pm, Bill wrote:
Before cohabitation, Christians should ask themselves, “what would Jesus say about it?” Well, here you go…
John4:16 “Go and get your husband,” Jesus told her.
17 “I don’t have a husband,” the woman replied.
Jesus said, “You’re right! You don’t have a husband—18 for you have had five husbands, and you aren’t even married to the man you’re living with now. You certainly spoke the truth!”
This sounds like Jesus doesn’t approve of this woman living with a man that she is not married to. He never says anything about sexual impurity while she is living with this guy.
Is cohabitation without sex more likely to bring glory to God or give satan a foothold?
15 On Aug 5th, 2008, at 12:18am, Cortney jackson wrote:
I dealt with this same issue and stil am. I too didnt find anywhere in the Bible where it talked about cohabitation being a sin. Although this may be true. In my journey God has given me a number reasons y cohabitation is wrong for ME. Some of those include, God can not use you the way he wants to because your attention is misfocused, if one is yet a babe in Christ or struggle with sexual immorality then cohabitation is not a good idea, As Christians God does not want us to do anything that would call our Christianity into question, Cohabitation is one of those topics that do, although living with that person may not affect you or put your relationship with God into jeopardy, it could put your significant others in jeopardy.its only through prayer,fasting, and supplication that one will come to know what is right for them. If God does not have it for you, he will let you know, because he loves us so much, and wants the very best for us.
16 On Aug 9th, 2008, at 2:52am, Bob wrote:
I have been a Christian for a few years now and I am learning every day. I am also living with a gal and have been for a long time according to WA. State law we are common law married. We love each other and have a great relationship. If doing this is wrong then,exactly where in the bible does it clearly state this is wrong or a sin. I am not looking for any Personal Opinions Please!!! Just the passages I can read myself…
Thanks Bob
17 On Aug 11th, 2008, at 11:37am, Brittany wrote:
I have been facing this issue a lot lately. I am engaged and have been dealing with whether or not living together before we get married is a sin in God’s eyes! I am a christian but of course am not all to educated on where everything is in the bible. Anything anybody can contribute would be greatly appreciated.
18 On Aug 13th, 2008, at 2:45pm, cj wrote:
One is not going to find a Bible passage saying living with someone before marriage is wrong. But just because you do not have a Bible passage that states that, it should not give you free rein to do it anyways. You should ask God for discernment about ur situation, and revelation, fast and pray about what God would have u to do.
19 On Aug 15th, 2008, at 8:05am, Bill wrote:
John 4:16-18 Especially the last part of verse 18.
20 On Aug 15th, 2008, at 1:00pm, Bob wrote:
Fist let me say we are an older couple. We have prayed about this together - and we have prayed about this with our prayer group. We had a small get together / “Our Marriage” with family and friends, we made our public vows to each other, and ever since then we believe in our hearts and minds we are one together and married in god’s eyes. What constitutes a marriage according to the Bible anyway? Other then that an not try and justify some type of wrong behavior ee try our best to live our life as any other Christian lives there’s. Ultimately the way we believe is we are married in gods eyes and that is between the couple and God. God knows our hearts (1 John 3:20). God knows the difference between a true marriage covenant and an attempt to justify sexual immorality.
21 On Aug 20th, 2008, at 2:53pm, Samantha wrote:
My Fiance and I have lived together for the past year or so and now that we getting married and “Making it right” no one wants to perform the ceremony. I guess I just need help understanding why, if it is so wrong to live together without being married (though we are totally in love and will never stray), is it so hard to find someone willing to perform the ceremony?
I’m not trying to upset anyone, I just want to know why this is so hard.
22 On Aug 21st, 2008, at 8:14am, cortney Jackson wrote:
How is it that your not willing to find anyone? where are you looking? you dont need anyone ordained to marry you, do you know that?
23 On Aug 21st, 2008, at 3:20pm, Samantha wrote:
We have been speaking with several ministers at his church and people that they know. All of whom are Baptist. Finally today I broke down and just called a Justice of the Peace who prefers to include passages from the Bible in her marriages.
I just don’t understand why the Baptist ministers that we spoke with refused to marry us unless one of us moved out of the house until the wedding? Will one of us moving out now really make a difference?