How Christians can evaluate cultural views of marriage and sexuality

Today on The ERLC Podcast, we’re talking about the cultural trends regarding marriage and the family and how to evaluate them through a biblical worldview.

Throughout our marriage and family podcast series, we’ve looked at our society’s gender confusion and how it’s affecting our children, especially in schools. We’ve also heard about an important Supreme Court case that involves protecting our children from gender transition medical interventions in order to hold fast to God’s good design for marriage, family, and sexuality. It’s important to understand some of the underlying problems with how our society views these fundamental realities. Joining us today to talk about this is Dr. Gregg Allison. 

Dr. Allison is a senior fellow in marriage and family for the ERLC Research Institute. He also serves as a professor of Christian theology at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. Prior to that, he taught theology and church history at Western Seminary in Oregon. He’s an author and has 18 years of ministry experience at Campus Crusade, as well as serving as a missionary in Italy and Switzerland. He’s a member at his church in Kentucky. 

Episode Transcript

Marriage, family, and sexuality are contentious issues in our world, but the Bible is clear about the way God has designed them to function. The traditional biblical view of marriage and family is fundamental to the way God has ordered our society and has ramifications far beyond the immediate family. Here’s Dr. Allison to explain why marriage matters, how it affects more than just two people, and how family plays a central role in the biblical storyline.

Gregg Allison

So the first several chapters of scripture set forth the vision of society with a central element being marriage. So from the very beginning, God’s revelation indicates that he has created men and women in his image. And part of that image bearing is the responsibility to be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth, hence marriage and creation, and subdue the earth and exercise dominion, so hardworking. And this is not just for believers, it’s not just for a Judeo-Christian ethic. It’s for all human beings from the origin of the human race until the new heavens and the new earth. This has always been God’s plan, God’s purpose. Men and women participate alike in this cultural mandate to build society for both individual and corporate human flourishing. God commands human beings in general, that there should be marriage and there should be families. The vast majority of human beings, men and women will be married, and then the vast majority of those couples will have children.

There are exceptions. In the first case, God may call people to singleness. In the second case, couples may be infertile, not able to have children. But generally speaking, God’s command to all human beings is to engage in procreation as well as then engage in work for the purpose of human flourishing. And then there’s much throughout scripture which emphasizes this fact of marriage in the family. Just think of some of the Pauline instructions about how to have marriage and how to raise a family and children. So Scripture is very pointed on the importance of marriage and family.

Lindsay Nicolet

As we wrap up our series on marriage and family and seek to uphold what the Bible has revealed and what biology confirms, it’s important to reflect on how our culture views the concept of marriage. After 50 years of no fault divorce, and almost 10 years after the legalization of same-sex unions, our culture’s perception of marriage has radically shifted in a relatively short time. Here’s Gregg Allison explaining our culture’s relationship to the institution of marriage.

Gregg Allison

Brad Wilcox, in his excellent book, Get Married, points out the elitist view of marriage and family, which is a negative view. The elite perspective would be people are more happy, they’re freer, they’re more financially sound, they’re more content, they’re more satisfied if they remain single. That doesn’t mean they’re not involved sexually, but if they remain single, they don’t get married and they don’t have any children. That’s supposed to be according to a certain ideology of the elite in the United States. The preference for marriage family in our culture, and what Brad Wilcox points out is this perspective is incorrect. It’s not supported by the data. Rather, people who are married, who have children, who maintain their family as an integrated unit are more satisfied, more happy, they earn more money, they have a greater sense of what life and flourishing is about. So to the degree that people in the United States generally accept the elitist view, they’re being confused about what should be.

And so one of my key appreciations for the ERLC is its insistence on what we might call a traditional or a biblical theologically sound view of marriage and family and children for human flourishing, economic development, contribution to the building of society and so forth. And then from this elitist view, of course goes the LGBTQ agenda emphasizing that marriage is not between one woman and one man. And then the other emphasis in our culture today being transgenderism arising out of gender dysphoria that there is no such thing as biological sex, or there is, but that’s not what is most true of us. Rather, it is our perception of ourselves. If you listen to the elitist ideology, the biblical view is wrongheaded. But we at the ERLC, and Southern Baptists in general, I think most Americans would say that that’s not true. That’s not actual reality, and so hold to what we would say has always been the case with marriage and family and human flourishing.

Lindsay Nicolet

In a fallen world, marriages are imperfect and sadly, circumstances happen that lead to divorce. However, our society fails to grasp how embracing no fault divorce devalues marriage. Though faithful Christians disagree about divorce, Dr. Allison helps us think about a biblical view of divorce and how it affects children, families, and society as a whole.

Gregg Allison

From a biblical perspective, divorce is the termination of the most important human relationship. God hates divorce. This is certainly not according to his plan. Jesus emphasizes in Matthew 19 that what God has brought together in marriage no one should ever tear apart. There are two, perhaps three exceptions to this. In the case of a couple, if there is adultery on the part of the one spouse, it’s not a requirement that the other spouse file for divorce, pursue divorce, but it is permitted. Secondly, in the case of a couple, they were both Christians, but one of the spouses ends up being a nonbeliever and decides to separate from the Christian spouse, that Christian spouse is no longer bound to retain the marriage. And our friend, Wayne Gruden, more recently, has introduced the idea of divorce in the case of persistent heinous, both verbal, spiritual, emotional, and physical abuse.

And I think he has a good case to be made. But those are exceptions. Those are not the rule. And again, this no fault divorce, I mean even the adjective, no fault allies a certain ideology. It is not true that there’s no fault. It usually is not the fault of one person. It usually is the fault of both, but it is destructive of the couple. It’s destructive of the children in that marriage. Again, the statistics bear this out, that this is not flourishing for either of the husband and wife who get divorced or for the children. So we as believers, we resist divorce by emphasizing the beauty and the propriety of marriage. We help our people to flourish in their relationships to avoid this. And we grieve when divorce does take place, even in the case of biblical reasons.

Lindsay Nicolet

One reason marriage is viewed as irrelevant and antiquated is because our culture is highly individualistic. Independence, careers, wealth and comfort are often valued more than the sacrifice required for marriage and family. Here’s Dr. Allison on how we can think and live differently as Christians and how we can change our thinking about being members of God’s church.

Gregg Allison

One way we would respond is saying, that’s an ideology that is permeating our culture, but is not true. Those who say it’s a good thing, but I’m going to wait through my 20s, I’m gonna wait through my 30s, maybe toward the end of my 30s, beginning of my 40s, I’ll consider getting married. It gets more and more difficult the older one gets, and the more one is settled in one’s ways as a single to actually pursue marriage. And so what I think we’re facing in the United States, I think this is a statistic from Brad Wilcox’s book, about a third of the population of the United States is not married, does not plan to get married. They will live completely alone. Who’s going to help them? Who’s gonna provide for them? Who’s gonna care for them? It may be a very shortsighted, ideological position to hold. It just often doesn’t work out the way people envision it. I’m not a proponent of having people who are really, really young get married, but I think there should be an impetus for us to consider getting married, staying married, having children, not buying into the ideology that’s out there. And again, just realizing there are tremendous benefits to this. And also it’s God’s primary institution for the flourishing of individuals and couples and children.

I’ve written a book called Embodied—Living as Whole People in a Fractured World. And part of that is about sociality, which is God’s implanted, universal desire in all human beings for relationships; to give ourselves in relationship with others. And so we’re hardwired, if you will, as God’s image bearers to engage in relationships and to build friendships and to exist in community. And so those who are very much individualized and focus just on themselves and on their own wellbeing, they’re actually going against the grain with which God has created them. Men should enjoy relationships with women and women with men. And I’m not just talking about the marital relationship, though, that is the principle one. And men should enjoy deep relationships with other men, and I’m not talking about homosexuality. And women should enjoy deep relationships with other women. This is the way God has designed us to be social beings, and so we can do much by cultivating those friendships. This is the way God has designed us, and yet our contemporary society, at least a certain ideology, is really cutting against this biblical perspective.

We’re brothers and sisters, right? This is the very powerful family metaphor. Probably the most important one, the most repeated one in the New Testament. We’re family members that gets to the heart of the matter of this sociality, that God has created us as his image bearers, but not to be alone, not to be lone rangers. And then through salvation, he has incorporated us into the body of Jesus Christ, the Church, where we will exist in community for members of the body of Christ, and we desperately need one another. There’s a great interdependence. The use of spiritual gifts, the ability to engage in the one another’s. All of this presupposes this community into which God has placed us. This notion of independence and rejection, of being in community with one another, I think is at least a key reason why there are so many so-called Christians coming into our churches who refuse to become members of the church.

So they reject authority. They wanna be very independent. They want complete freedom. They don’t want these kinds of relationships where there is accountability and prayer and all the good things as well as rebuke and correction. They simply don’t want that. They want to be completely free. So it does impact what happens in the church where church leaders are struggling to help their people understand the concept of membership, why it’s so important to be a member of the church. And this is why in churches, we need to develop strong community groups. I’m part of a table fellowship. We meet every other week; we share life together. We have a meal together. We ask very pointed questions of one another. What’s the most important decision that you have to make this year? What is your spiritual gift and how are you using it in our church? So we’re joined together in deep fellowship, and I think we model that for others by developing strong community in our church that provides a counter-cultural model.

Lindsay Nicolet

Dr. Allison’s forthcoming book, Complementarity — Dignity, Difference, and Interdependence, looks at the ways in which we think about relationships between men and women, and how we fulfill God’s design for community. Here’s Dr. Allison on his upcoming work and how it relates to our broader cultural conversation.

Gregg Allison

I’m defining complementarity as God’s design for his male image bearers and female image bearers to fill out and mutually support one another relationally, familially, vocationally, and ecclesially, both for their individual and corporate flourishing. So it’s emphasizing that which unites us, which is true of us both as men and women. So the idea is my interlocutors, my conversation partners are both complementarianism and egalitarianism, these frameworks that are focused on roles. But what I’m doing is focusing on the nature of a man, the nature of a woman, the nature of our relationships, the essence. So it’s more of a metaphysical discussion rather than discussion of marriage or about ministry and the church and the different roles. It’s saying there’s something more foundational. And it really then goes to the heart of the relationships between men and women, not just husbands and wives. 

And so it’s a tour through history. It’s a tour through about 50 passages of Scripture. It’s a tour through certain theological concepts that really emphasize how men and women share equal dignity because of being created in the image of God. Men and women are significantly different, and they will always express their capacities and properties and ways that are gendered. And then when we have strong relationships together, when we really focus on these commonalities and they unite us, then there is an interdependence that brings about human flourishing, both individually and corporately. So my hope is that we can in some way overcome the impasse between complementarianism and egalitarianism. I don’t like the bombs being thrown back and forth, metaphorically, of course, and I’m just hoping for something different. I don’t have any grandiose delusions that this is gonna be a radical change or anything like that, but I do hope that we can appreciate more one another and we can celebrate the equal dignity, celebrate the significant differences, and really covenant together to love one another, pray for one another, care for one another. As brothers and sisters for our flourishing through interdependence.

Lindsay Nicolet

Swimming upstream in a culture that has radically different views on marriage, family, and sexuality than biblically minded Christians can get tiring. And increasingly so, there’s a cost for choosing to live within God’s good design, but we can take heart. Dr. Allison closes with encouragement for us as we live in the world with truth and grace.

Gregg Allison

I think we live the reality, not just talk about it. We live the reality of healthy marriages, healthy families, the actual struggles and the joys of both marriage and family. We are very honest about those things, and we present the idea, we model it, and we also preach and teach about that model while we also acknowledge first of all, the brokenness of our own marriages, and the brokenness of our own families. Because of God’s grace, we can be compassionate toward others and recognize that in our church there are many broken marital relationships. We grieve the realities like that, and then we also can join that with a compassion toward them. We don’t peel back the biblical standard. We don’t compromise on God’s plan and God’s ideal. But we come alongside couples. We come alongside families and help them with concrete steps for how to move towards that ideal. It may be the case of three steps forward and two steps back, as long as their movement forward by God’s grace, by our instruction, by our help, our compassion toward them.

Lindsay Nicolet

Isaiah 5:20-21 reminds us of the times we’re living in. Our culture often calls evil good and good evil; puts darkness for light and light for darkness; and puts bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter. We’re often wise in our own eyes and shrewd in our own sight, but God has shown us a better way in His word. As we trust in Christ, we have the opportunity to live and speak in a way that testifies to the goodness of marriage, the dignity of each person, and the wisdom of biblical sexuality. Together through the challenges of living in a fallen world, we can help one another proclaim to our society that there is a better way that his name is Jesus, and that following him is worth it. 

Thanks for listening to the ERLC podcast. Join us in the new year as we take a look at the work our D.C. team does on behalf of Southern Baptist.