A parent’s rights and responsibilities in an age of gender confusion

A parent’s rights include a God-given responsibility to raise their children according to a biblical worldview without interference from the government. This episode on a parent’s rights and responsibilities begins a series on issues related to marriage and family.

Marriage and family are institutions that are pre-political, meaning they may be at the forefront of divisive political discussions and debates, but they originated in the mind of our Creator and were established by him with the creation of Adam and Eve and the command to be fruitful and multiply. In other words, marriage and family are God’s good idea and design. 

One of the areas of debate today regarding our families is concerning gender confusion, and whether or not parents have the right to teach and hold their children to the biblical design as male and female, especially in a school setting. The ERLC has written a white paper detailing the biblical and theological foundations for parental rights. We have also joined briefs in cases about parental rights, affirming before courts what Southern Baptists have affirmed: that parents have a God-given responsibility to raise their children according to a biblical worldview without interference from the government. 

Parents have a God-given responsibility to raise their children according to a biblical worldview without interference from the government.

On today’s episode, you’ll hear from two parents about raising our children in a sexually confused culture and exercising our parental rights, especially as we send them to school. Krissie Inserra is a pastor’s wife, mom, and active member in her local church and community. She has served in pregnancy resource centers and has authored numerous articles. Dr. Benjamin Quinn is a husband, dad, and an ERLC research fellow. He is also assistant professor of Theology and History of Ideas and the director of L. Russ Bush Center for Faith and Culture at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. He received his B.A. from Union University, his M.Div. and Th.M. from Southeastern, and his Ph.D. from University of Bristol in the United Kingdom.

Resources mentioned on this episode

• ERLC’s resources on parental rights
• Alliance Defending Freedom, resources for parents and educators
• Rebecca McLaughlin, Does the Bible Affirm Same Sex Relationships?

The following resources were recommended by podcast guests and do not necessarily reflect the views of the ERLC:

• Protecting Children by Empowering Parents parentalrights.org
• www.edchoice.org: for parents looking for other school options, students may qualify for school vouchers that assist in paying for private school.

Episode Transcript: A parent’s rights and responsibilities in an age of gender confusion

Narration: Today’s children are being raised within a culture of sexual confusion and chaos. As Christians, part of being able to walk wisely in this age, raise our kids to love God’s good design, and be a witness in the darkness is to understand the challenges we’re facing. Here’s Benjamin Quinn to explain some of the sexual confusion we are encountering, especially as our kids interact with peers and teachers at school.

Benjamin Quinn: The words that can be thrown around may not always be the most intuitive. And just to throw a few definitions when we talk about the word transgender generally, that’s an umbrella term that people will use to describe the incongruence between biological sex and gender identity. So in a lay person’s terminology, this is where transgender or transgender notions might express themselves in the “I’m a man trapped in a woman’s body,” or something like that. Gender dysphoria then describes the levels of distress that come with some type of dissonance between biological realities and the way that one feels emotionally, intellectually, psychologically, and so on. That’s a term that especially psychologists use. A word like non-binary would be the preference of people. This is where the pronoun conversation comes in. So someone who says, “I’m non-binary,” doesn’t want to be beholden to a “him” or a “her” or a “man or woman,” “male or female” type of coupling. It’s one or the other, non-binary would then say, “I want to be they them,” or something related to that so that it kind of removes the gender or it makes it more neutral in that way so that they can be fluid in that kind of social expression.

And then the difference between sex and gender, and not everybody’s on the same page here, but the way at least that I think about it most straightforwardly is that generally speaking, for the time that we’re in right now when someone refers to sex, we can talk about that in terms of biology or the act of sex itself. And then when we talk about gender generally speaking, this is where that may be something that’s more fluid. That’s something that’s not necessarily tied to the anatomy of my body, but something that I can define or choose for myself. So that’s just some of the terms. That’s part of why there’s gender confusion and perhaps at least for parents and kids, teachers, administrators, etc, perhaps that will help to clarify even some of that language.

Narration: The state in which we find ourselves as a society has not happened in a vacuum. In the midst of all the terms and variations of sexuality celebrated in our culture, there are fundamental issues that we are dealing with. Benjamin shares what’s at the root, both theologically and socially of the sexual confusion, our kids and all of us are experiencing.

Benjamin Quinn: A straightforward Christian worldview perspective. The root of all of these kinds of things is what the Bible calls sin. This is where the enemy or Satan himself and all of the schemes associated with him, a strike upon God’s good world, God’s good design, God’s good creation, and seek to misdirect that in all types of twisted and perverted ways. And sometimes these are extremely sophisticated schemes and ways that seek to misdirect God’s world. And this is just one of those. In fact, you can guarantee that one of the ways or the two ways that the enemy will seek to undermine God’s good design and His way in the world is through life issues and through man, woman or sexuality, family kind of issues. That’s where they can do the most damage. I think what’s underlying that though socially is that there are a lot of people who have genuinely bought into secularism.

They’ve genuinely bought into the secular narrative. That is also, I think you can actually work your way back historically to secularism and want the benefits of Christianity without the submission to Christianity. But at the end of the day, if the golden rule or if the great commandment of secularism is something like this, that to be true to yourself is the most important thing in the world, if that’s the great commandment, then if in fact you feel on the inside differently than you look on the outside, then you have to be true to yourself. And that becomes sort of this sacred great commandment of secularism. And I think that that is socially, culturally at the root of much of this.

Narration: As evidenced in Genesis three and throughout Scripture, sin distorts our understanding of God’s good design for us as men and women and our relationship to one another because we’re certain to come into contact with ideas contrary to the Bible, it’s imperative we talk to our kids about the truth. Here’s Krissie Inserra with advice on when these issues should start to become part of the conversation at home.

Krissie Inserra: Your basic God’s design starts from birth. I have four kids ages 18 down to 19 months. And so I’m in all the stages of parenting all at the same time right now. My youngest, one of her first words was “girl,” and she would point to herself and say, “girl.” And so what an incredible opportunity that was for me to say, “Yes, God made you a girl and I’m a girl.” And then we talked about how daddy and the brothers are boys and we talk about girls are different than boys. I don’t have to explain how everybody’s plumbing is different. She just understands that we are different. Even at her young tender age, at the time it was probably 15 months. And when we read books, we talk about, “There’s a girl, there’s a boy, there’s a mommy, there’s a daddy.” And so we reinforce those things from the time that they can speak and understand language.

And then as they get older, we start to have more conversations. We’ll have friends that have two moms or two dads, we’ll talk about that and we’ll say, “You know, what do you think about that?” or “Do they ever say anything about it?” And now it’s trying to become so commonplace that it is normalized and it’s really important that we don’t allow it in our home to be normalized. And it’s just important without demonizing people, reminding our kids that God’s design is what is normal and what is intended and what is good. And the conversation increases and gets a little more sophisticated as they get older and can handle it age-wise. But we need to always be having these conversations.

Narration: Not only should parents begin having conversations with children early on about gender and sexuality, it’s also important for parents to be aware of unique challenges our kids encounter outside of our homes, especially at school. Here are Ben and Krissie to share more about some of their main concerns happening in some schools and whether they’re unique to public schools.

Benjamin Quinn: I don’t think that they’re unique to public schools. While at the same time all public schools are not created equal. My four children are all in, well, three of them are in a public school. One of them is now dual enrolled at a private Christian college, but all of them have been part of public schools. And all of these are careful decisions for parents to make about whether you’re gonna do public school or what the education options are. And those are so contextual, it’s so related to your particular time and place. Twenty-five minutes down the road, it’s a very different situation. If we lived there, we’d have to make a harder decision. The kinds of challenges then, especially for kids, is first of all the confusion. I think it’s more confusing when it’s coming from an authority at the school than just when it’s coming from a peer at the school. I don’t think that our kids are that thrown off by the fact that other kids think differently or disagree or whatever. But when something as kind of wild and ridiculous as transgenderism or these kinds of things is being pushed, and then this is the key term celebrated by educational authorities, that then becomes confusing for kids who are accustomed to being under authority. It’s not unique to public schools, but I do think that it’s celebrated more in public schools than perhaps it is in other contexts.

Krissie Inserra: I’ve asked my kids that and my oldest we’re in a couple public schools and a Christian school, and we kind of see what’s best for each kid as they go. And he was telling me that it kind of came down to the pressure to conform because at his school, there are several friends who want to use different pronouns or the teachers that want them to give their pronouns. And so there’s just a whole lot of pressure to conform and to use preferred pronouns of other kids. And he’s like, “I’m not gonna do that. I’m just going to call them by their name and I’m going to continue to have conversations and we’re gonna continue to relate in ways that we would, but I’m just not going to use a pronoun for this person.” And then he said, “You know, there’s pressure that they know that I’m a Christian and so therefore they think that I’m hateful.

“And so how do I not conform but not appear hateful?” And I told him when he was in fourth grade and this whole thing came up for the first time, I said, “What we are teaching you is setting you up to be seen as hateful. You need to do this in the most loving way that you possibly can, but this is just the way it’s gonna be perceived.” It’s really hard as a parent to know that that is what you’re setting them up for. But that’s what the Bible says. Jesus says, “The world will hate you.” Our goal is not to make people hate us, but it’s what Jesus says and we should be kind and loving. And that way, you know they don’t like what we’re saying. It’s not the way we’re saying it, it’s just the truth. It’s painful.

Narration: Regardless of our context and school choices, our children need us to teach them God’s design for sexuality and to help them identify the imitations. As we do this, we can send them out from our homes and into the world, yes, with a little trepidation, but with a whole lot of confidence in the God we trust to set their feet on the narrow path. This calling may be difficult, but Krissie and Ben share some insights as we seek to be our kids’ primary teachers specifically in this area.

Krissie Inserra: Number one, I would say, is model it. So we’re not just talking now about homosexuality and transgenderism and anything on the LGBTQ plus spectrum. I’m talking also about heterosexual relationships, but it’s really important as parents that we are modeling this type of thing for our kids because number one, God calls us to purity. So whether you have kids or not, your relationship should look like that. But number two, our kids are looking to us for all of this, whether you think they are or not, whether they’re telling you that they’re paying attention, they are. So God has grace for those who have failed in this area. But if this is you, repent and repent to your kids, repent to God and start again. And then pay attention to the things that they like, like songs that they listen to. For example, my daughter loves Taylor Swift.

I don’t want her looking to her for a role model in really just about anything, but she loves to listen to Taylor Swift and her music is catchy and everything. So we listen to Taylor Swift together and then we talk about like what choices, age appropriate choices has Taylor Swift made? And as we’re talking, I mean she kind of rolls her eyes, you know? But to be willing to talk with your kids about uncomfortable things like this, but get into their world and see what they’re listening to, see who they’re talking to and challenge those a little bit. I think the main theme that I’m getting at here is you’ve got to pay attention to what your kids are into and talk to them about it.

Benjamin Quinn: I wanna be clear about those things. I wanna be confident about those things, and I want to model for them. This is just what the Bible says. Give them sort of a biblical imagination for that. Give them clear terms about that. But as they get older and preferably before they hear something in the locker room or the school bus that tries to tell them otherwise, I want to be proactive in those conversations. And I realize how sometimes awkward this can be. I remember the first time I was having this conversation with one of my boys and then we were sitting outside around a campfire and I knew I needed to broach this conversation and I was sweaty palmed. But I do think that we, as we prepare to send them off to school for hours at a time, I want them to hear the truth from me first and from my wife first.

And then I also want them to be in a context where they hear from Kevin and Sarah, who is our youth pastor and his wife, or when they hear from other friends in our church and sometimes they pivot to them for advice and suggestions first about all kinds of things. And then as they encounter other perspectives, other narratives, first of all, I don’t want to protect them in every way at all times from other perspectives, but I do want them to have been reinforced deeply in the truth. And then they’re equipped to engage those other perspectives and those differences in a way that they’ve already kind of been given the tools and the rules to some degree in terms of just rules of interpreting the Bible that they can engage those things with honesty, with integrity, and doing so in a way that doesn’t have to vilify the person that represents a different perspective.

I hope that we all want our kids to not only see our faith, to see our belief in Jesus, to see our convictions at work and to hear those things from us vocally and verbally. But I want my kids to see a sincerity of faith that they’re already kind of predisposed towards. You know what, even if I don’t, I don’t know if I agree with mom and dad or I don’t know if I entirely understand what mom and dad are saying, but I know that they believe it and they’re not angry about it. They seem to be people who sincerely love the Lord. And if, if they see a sincere and patient and kind of charitable and hospitable approach to these conversations, I want my kids to know that that’s the case so that they can come back and say, well, how do we know that we’re right and they’re not right? And then we can just have an honest conversation and they’re not afraid of being yelled at or being criticized or just being slapped on the wrist for these things.

Narration: Over the last few years, we’ve read headlines about our children being affected by gender issues in various states, including California and Virginia. While the pressure to conform to radical gender ideology isn’t happening everywhere, the reality is that these things are happening in some places, and it’s up to us to be aware. Here’s Ben to discuss how we can find out more about our parental rights in our local schools and how we can think about our rights and responsibilities as parents before the Lord.

Benjamin Quinn: Yeah. So rights and responsibilities language can be divided between what are my rights and responsibilities before God? And I think of that more in terms of responsibilities versus what are my rights as parents when it comes to those kind of public policy particulars. I really wanna challenge any parents, pastors and so on who are listening. Those things do change state by state, but it changes district by district to know your rights as a citizen, make sure that you’re kind of tuned into the districts and the states that you live in. I would encourage people to maybe go to a website or a resource, which basically just gives you some ways to find out what rights that you have and what are some of the decisions and policies in your state and in your area. Even gives you examples for how to reach out to congressmen and women and people who are making those decisions at the state and local levels even gives you models for emails to send, how to do that, and templates in terms of responsibilities before the Lord.

We are very much responsible for what our kids are taught, especially what they’re taught at an authoritative level when it comes to what our kids are told at an authoritative level about what to believe is right and good and true. And this is worldview basic issues. What is, and then what ought I want to know who is telling my kids those things, how they’re defining those things. And it’s my responsibility as a parent to make sure that I know those things as best I can. And then to try to put my kids in a context, especially when we’re talking about a school, a context where they are set up to be well-formed socially, academically, and intellectually. They’re set up to be well-formed as full human beings. We can’t always check all of those boxes. There is no utopia in terms of educational options. But I do think it’s my responsibility before the Lord, especially to be clear about the people who are saying thus sayeth myself or thus sayeth, this is true, good and beautiful. I need to know what they’re saying. And to be able to intervene when needed, to correct when needed, or to affirm.

Narration: We may be tempted to withdraw from the larger society because of anxiety or seek to put our children in a bubble because of the realities of the world we live in. And it’s understandable, but that’s not what the Lord calls His people to. He calls us to raise our children to fear Him, yes, but He also calls us to live in the world, but not of it. This will look different for everyone, of course, but Krissie explains how her family applies this in making decisions about school.

Krissie Inserra: First of all, just know that it’s probably not as bad as some people are saying, and it’s probably worse. Like think of the person who is saying, you know that the sky is falling. It’s probably not quite that bad, but the person who is saying everything’s great, it’s probably a little more than that. So number one, we chose to be involved right away. We are very blessed to live in a good school zone. And so our elementary school has been a great school for my kids. Now granted, we’ve run into some gender issues at the elementary school, but I have made it a point to have a relationship with all of my kids’ teachers. And that is really important to me because if something comes up, I want to be able to talk to them and I want to be able to get their input on it.

We pay attention to our school board, we pay attention to what’s going on there. We vote a certain way, we try to be as vocal as we can about things. So if you decide that you want to send your kid to a public school, which I would love to see so many Christians sending their kids to public schools to help redeem them, but I understand that that’s not the right choice for everybody. Our middle school kids have gone to Christian school during middle school, we have chosen a different school option for everybody. But keeping a level head about it, first of all, and just being as involved as you can, talk about their homework, look through their homework, look through what they’re reading, attend school board meetings if you can. Our school board meetings are all broadcast on Facebook, so it’s important to know what they’re talking about and to give support when you can. Like when teachers are doing something right, I praise them from the rooftops. And when the principal and the administration is doing something, make sure that you let them know that you are supportive of them. And so try to be as involved as you possibly can.

Narration: As we are in the world, part of our responsibility as a parent is to teach our children how to interact within the world with grace and truth. It’s inevitable that our children will meet peers or adults who do not hold to the Bible’s teaching on sexuality. Here are Ben and Krissie with advice on how to help our kids interact with those who disagree with us.

Benjamin Quinn: We have to remember that the people that disagree with us, first of all, some of them sincerely believe that this is right, good, true, and beautiful. And what we have to make sure to do is not to make our neighbors the enemies of this whole thing. And I think straightforwardly this view of manhood and womanhood, this view of marriage, this view of walking in God’s way as families, as men and women. It’s the same Bible that tells us to love our enemies. And so even in this case, the enemy is not the people themselves, but rather the ideas themselves oppose God’s way in the world. And they might represent those ideas, but I think we do well to represent to our kids and model for our kids. Hey, I may disagree with Mr. Smith across the street, or I may disagree with Ms. Jones that lives beside us, but we still love our neighbors. I’m still gonna give them a Christmas card, we’re still gonna carry food to them. And that is absolutely key, I think, for how we model this for our kids.

Krissie Inserra: With my oldest, he was friends with a child that came out to him as transgender and my son did not know that. And I told him, I said, you know, here’s what God says and here’s what we say. And I gave him parameters of like, “You never ever out this person, you call this person by their name.” These are the ways we’re going to respect and love this person. So we just encourage, you know, with all of our kids’ friends, we are very open in our home about what the Bible says about lots of things. So whether they’re struggling with sexual sin, you know, with somebody of the opposite sex, or you know, whether they’re struggling with their thoughts on their own gender, we are clear in our home. And I think that’s so important to be clear in your home about what the Bible says and what that means for us as a family. Because we’re gonna go with what the Bible says.

Benjamin Quinn: As we equip our own kids with clear biblical teaching and do so with courage and confidence, not with arrogance, but with courage and confidence. This is the way that Jesus says is the way of manhood, of womanhood and of marriage. Do so with clear biblical teaching and then encourage them to point others to that same way of Jesus, that when they’re encountering other people with different perspectives, don’t be afraid to say, well, have you considered how Jesus talks about these things? Have you considered how the Bible points these things? And it doesn’t have to be mean, ugly, aggressive, all the stuff that we often see in the media. Our kids will pick this up from us. We will model either a charitable and hospitable way of having these conversations, or we will model an aggressive one that’s not helpful for them. And if we’ve equipped them well, we’ve actually set them up for not only for their success themselves, but also for their, even their own way of modeling the way of Jesus with other people at school. And in so doing then part of that as well is uh, as we equip our own kids to engage other kids that think differently, I think as much as anything, I want my kids to be really good listeners. I wanna understand what you’re going through, what you’re thinking through. And then to be able to offer the way of Jesus as maybe the true and better, more beautiful way.

Narration: We know that as a result of the fall, Christians won’t be immune from struggles with sexuality. We are all affected by distorted views of God’s good design. Ben and Krissie speak to this and how the church can walk alongside families with children who are questioning their gender.

Benjamin Quinn: Yeah, so how we encourage the kid, how we encourage the parent, those are two different things. Let me talk about how we encourage the kid for just a minute. The first thing that I want to do is I want to listen for a long time. I want to genuinely hear my child and again, create a safe place to have these conversations. I wanna create that hospitable environment for the conversation. And then this is the key thing. I want to listen for the longings of the heart in that conversation from my child. What is it really that they’re after? Because if I believe the Scriptures first and foremost, I don’t believe that they will find what they’re looking for in some new gender or in some different identity. What they’re longing for is to be actually in fellowship with their creator. They long to be in fellowship with Jesus.

They long to be filled with the spirit and to know God. I think often about Augustine’s language in the opening paragraph of his confessions, that our hearts are restless until they find their rest in God. And so in those conversations, rather than being sort of quick to try to correct or being so anxious and afraid that my kid is gonna go this direction or that direction, I want to listen for the longings of the heart. And when those longings surface, and it may be about identity, where it may be about acceptance, where it may be about whatever these other things are, I wanna grab a hold of that and say, “Okay, if that’s really what you’re after, do you really think that changing gender is going to scratch that itch of the soul?” Because the story that the Bible tells us is that the source of our problem is actually within ourselves, and it’s the sin that’s within us that’s actually broken our fellowship with God.

So if the problem is on the inside, if we are the problem, if our sinful self is the problem, then maybe we are not the solution to our own problem. Maybe we look outside of ourselves to the truth that God tells us, the Creator of the world who sent Jesus to die for us. So we can have fellowship with Him. Maybe He has a better insight into our problem than we do. I would just continue to patiently and confidently in the Lord push kids. Do you really think that that’s the solution? Or maybe have you considered Jesus says this is the solution and I would just patiently push them in that direction and then pray with them and and again, create that open hospitable opportunity and channel of communication.

Krissie Inserra: I have a friend who went through this and she is strongly advocating for other parents right now who are in the same position. And what I saw her do was fight like crazy for her child. And at first she probably felt like she was fighting against her child because you know, her child wanted to go down this road. And that’s what I would encourage parents to do is immediately meet with administration and keep going higher and higher and good Christian counseling. You want somebody helping you and your child who is based on the word of God, put your child around those who are grounded in God’s word and who can help them to love them through it. Because you have to do the hard work of getting through it at home and of getting through it with their friends. Because even if you pull them outta school, they’re still gonna be connected to their friends somehow. And it might be the friends that are pulling them in this direction. And so it’s gonna have to be deeper. And there are resources that can help.

Narration: Families trying to navigate gender identity issues within their homes are often under immense stress and strain. As a pastor of a local church in his community, Ben shares words of pastoral wisdom for those who are supporting these families and pointing them to Christ.

Benjamin Quinn: I want to be clear on biblical teaching. I want to express hope that I, I pray and hope that you will choose the way of God. But then what I want to affirm is not some false identity or false gender transition. I want to affirm to you that I love you regardless and that you’re welcome to come to have these conversations anytime and just know I’ll always point you towards Jesus. I’ll listen, I’ll be patient, but I’ll always point you towards Jesus. And I think that’s the right posture to take when talking to parents. I would encourage parents, especially in this area of sincerity, to model the way of Jesus. Whether the doors are open in your home or whether the door is closed in your home, whether you’re in the car, whether you’re in the bedroom, whether you’re in public, that our children know they’re the first people to know if we are living an inconsistent or incongruent Christian life.

But then also I would have to encourage parents that ultimately your kids’ decisions are not your decisions. Ultimately those are their decisions. And if they’re wandering in a different direction, if they’re rebelling, if they’re choosing a different way, I know how hard that can be. But if in fact we have modeled the way of Jesus and been as sincere and faithful as we can when our kids are grown and leave our house, if they choose a way that’s not the way of the Lord, at the end of the day, that’s the kids’ decisions and not your decisions. And so I wanna tell parents, continue to pray for your kids, continue to love them. And then I think the last thing that I would say is that as they make that journey into adulthood and as they are in our own homes, that we also make that journey into adulthood, make that as meaningful and as purposeful as possible.

In other words, don’t make the mistake of kind of outsourcing parenting either to the church youth group or outsourcing it to the Christian school that you’re paying for or outsourcing it to the Boys and Girls Club or to the Cub Scouts. But take especially that 12 to 18-year-old period and be as purposeful with that as you can. I find myself in this stage as I’m about to have three teenagers. I’ve moved from parent to coach more than anything else, and I was kind of afraid of this era. I think I found that I love it. I’ve loved it more even than the diaper changing years, maybe a whole lot more than the diaper changing years, but sliding from parent to coach. And I don’t mean by abdicating responsibility, I don’t mean by that being passive, none of that kind of stuff, but rather as our kids get a little more freedom, a little more responsibility, we just kind of slide in that space where we’re not so often saying yes and no. We’re now more saying, Hey, you think that’s the best thing? Or have you thought about this? And just kind of helping to coach them and being very intentional and purposeful in these years.

Narration: When we think about the call to disciple children in our culture, it’s easy to feel discouraged, but we know that the gospel of Christ offers hope and rest for our weary souls. Here are Krissie and Ben with the encouragement we need to continue to be engaged in our families, to be salt and light in our communities and to pursue Christ above all.

Krissie Inserra: We know in the end, God wins, God is in control. He is sovereign over all of this. And it is very easy to look at that and say, this can’t possibly go on. And so it’s easy to get very discouraged, but to know that the world is probably not worse now than it was when God flooded the earth with Noah. God is not surprised by this. And to see just the encouragement of seeing people come out of this, we are seeing God redeem individuals out of this lifestyle, out of these lies. This is what God does. And it’s really important as parents to remind ourselves that nobody is beyond saving, nobody is beyond the reach of God and that God is going to have his way. And so, I mean huge plug to stay connected to your local church. And if you don’t have one, find one and find a church that is going to tell you the truth about what the Bible says about all of this, but that will walk alongside you and love you in the process.

Benjamin Quinn: I can’t offer more hope than what the Scriptures offer. That at the end of the day, our calling as Christians, regardless of what vocation or station we’re talking about, our calling is to love God and to love other people. And that we do so grounded in this faith, hope and love that the apostle Paul points us in. And even when it comes to our children, even amidst all of the madness and all of the craziness, at the end of the day, Jesus calls us to take on his yoke, which is not heavy, but it’s light. And even to cast our cares in the Lord and to know this peace of God and to do so in a way that as long as we are sincerely and faithfully walking the way of Jesus in private and in public, and do it right in front of your kids, do it right in front of your kids.

And at the end of the day, I trust the Lord with the end results of these things. And I recognize that in the middle of the murkiness, it’s impossible to know where’s this gonna go from here. But if I can look the Lord in the eye and say, I’ve done the best that I can do, and I’m being faithful to Jesus first, then I can have all the hope in the world that my kids have seen the gospel, that they have heard the gospel. And even if I would love for them to live the gospel today, it may be 10 years before they believe in live that gospel. They may never believe in that gospel, but I’ve done what I can do to care for them. And this is really hard for parents, but I wanna encourage them in this point that we have to love our kids enough to love Jesus more than we love our children.

And I think it’s important for us to say those things too, to let our kids know that, but then for our lives to actually be consistent with that confession, which means sometimes we have to go to our kids and apologize. Maybe in one of these difficult conversations, we got emotional or or animated, and we just have to go and say, you know what? I was not hospitable towards you. You had a sincere difference, or you had a sincere question and I got emotional about it and I’m really sorry. And you know what? I just want you to know that you can trust the next time I will not speak. I’ll listen to you until you’re done, and then I’ll thoughtfully respond. Those are sincere ways in which we model the way of Jesus in those conversations with our kids. As we do that in faith, hope and love, and with great sincerity, we can have all the confidence of Christ that he ultimately will receive glory through these things.

Narration: Raising children in the midst of such turmoil may seem like an impossible task, but the Lord has not left us without the tools We need to walk faithfully with Him. Let’s lean on the body of Christ, pray for one another, and keep reminding each other to cling to the truth when life gets tough. As we ask God to work in the lives of our children, may we do the hard work of pouring into them, trusting that God will help and sustain us in the particular time He has placed us in. 

Thanks for listening to the ERLC podcast. Join us next time as we feature a special post-election episode.